The Tag Goes Boom!
by He-With-The-Many-Hyphens
Summary: This is a story about a young Naruto and his journey into the ninja arts... And subsequently blowing everything sky high. Was it mentioned that he loved explosives? Rated M for language and stuff. Pairings undecided. Strong-ish Naruto/ Pyromaniac Naruto. First fanfic, please be gentle.
1. An Introduction That No One Gives A Damn

**Alright, in the spirit of keeping things nice and simple, I'll do this quickly. This is my first fanfiction to date and is about a Naruto with a penchant towards explosions and fuinjutsu. That's it. I don't plan on adding harems and I'll try not to make him too overpowered. Also expect a lot of explicit language. And tropes more abundant than STDs at a cheap brothel.**

 **Disclaimer, I own nothing of this story except for whatever the hell I added.**

 **Story go!**

Konohagakure, the Village Hidden in the Leaves, a splendid place by any accounts. A place where, apart from the occasional bijuu attack and threats of war, peace and tranquility reign supreme. Where both shinobi and civilians can rest and call home. It is a village surrounded by natural beauty and splendor. Truly, an area of serenity, of peace, and quiet...

That was quickly shattered by the raucous laughs of a certain blond haired boy, clad in an atrocious orange jumpsuit, sandals and a pair of goggles. With sunshine blond hair, tanned skin and whisker-like marks on his face, Naruto Uzumaki wasn't a person one would be likely to forget, partly because the moment they did, they'd find themselves, and all whom they loved, pranked to kingdom come. This coupled with his loud, brash personality, and you had a figure that, if one was to take the time to find someone that didn't want to rip out the boy's intestines and use them as an impromptu fiddle, would be most likely described as "Someone who thinks with his fists rather than his head".

We currently find this young maverick running from a group of less-than-pleased shinobi.

"Naruto Uzumaki! Stop in the name of the Hokage, you must take responsibility for your actions!"

"You'll never take me alive, you gutless bastards! You're just mad that you don't have what it takes to do what I did!"

Now one may ask a lot of questions on the situation; Why are a group of chunin-level shinobi chasing the blond? Why do they smell like the lavatory of the T&I department after burrito Wednesday? How is the boy evading them? Why did my wife leave me? All _very_ valid questions. The reason why Naruto was able to outpace his opponents was because the young lad had _the fucking stamina of a rabbit during mating season._

"Why?" you may ponder. Well, the answer is quite simple; 12 years ago, on October 10th, during the reign of the Yondaime Hokage, shit hit the fan. Kushina Uzumaki, wife of the Yondaime Hokage, and jinchuriki, meaning power of human sacrifice, of the Kyuubi no Yoko, a wonderful little ball of fur with the ability to lay waste to an entire ninja village in a single instant, causing the deaths of hundreds, crippling scores of others, and leaving countless children orphans, gave birth to a bundle of energy now known to the world as Naruto.

On that day, a masked man took Naruto hostage, unsealed the Kyuubi, and death came upon Konohagakure like a call from your stepmother, completely unexpected and utterly tragic. Stuff happened, numerous died, all those _wonderful_ things, but in the end, Konoha prevailed. The Yondaime ultimately resealed the Demon Fox into his newborn son at the cost of his own life, leaving his son a pariah and himself hailed as a hero.

The consequences from the sealing, apart from the _sick_ sealing array that appeared when Naruto channeled chakra, were both good and bad. On one side, Naruto not only gained tremendous healing powers,but also a fucking metric ton of chakra, the ability to detect negative emotions, and his legendary stamina. On the other hand, he also garnered the hate of almost the entirety of the population of Konoha, dirt poor chakra control and the ever-hanging threat that he may go berserk from channeling the youkai of the Kyuubi.

* * *

But enough about history, let's get back to our blond protagonist, who was currently demonstrating the most effective of ninja techniques, hiding.

"Take that you jackasses! Everyone falls for my Uzumaki no Jutsu : Hidden Camouflage Tarp!" Naruto exclaimed, dropping a large piece of cloth painted like the fence behind him shortly after the shinobi rushed past his hiding spot.

"Naruto!" a voice barked out, " What in the _hell_ do you think you're doing outside of class?"

"Iruka-sensei! I found you!" came the exuberant reply.

"You idiot! It was _I_ who found _you_!" the now, newly named Iruka-sensei, a tall, tanned man with a scar adorning his nose, and a hairdo reminiscent to a certain aquatic mammal, roared. Iruka was a chunin-level shinobi and an instructor at the Ninja Academy. He was said to be the only person who could easily find Naruto, not a small task considering that the Hokage sometimes couldn't find him.

"Eh, same thing... Say, you're not going to drag me back into that hellhole are you? 'Cause if you do, it'll be with me kicking and screaming all the way!"

"Listen here, you hard-headed, stubborn buffoon!" it was clear that the young man was straining not to use more... _delicate_ words to address his wayward student and express his frustrations, "Today is the mock-examinations for next week's final shinobi exam, and with the way you're headed, you're bound to fail!"

"To hell with the exams! Someone with _my_ level of awesome doesn't need any test to see if they're worthy! I'm the future Hokage, and no Hokage would take such a _dumb_ test!" came the, once again, all too positive reply.

"Naruto..."

"Yes, Sensei?"

"How in the world do you plan on becoming _Hokage_ , if you're not even a goddamn _genin_?!" screamed the now livid teacher.

"Iruka, you're turning into _such_ a lovely shade of puce. You might want to be careful, though, you could burst a blood vessel."

"What in th- Stop trying to change the subject! You are coming with me back to the Academy to participate in the Taijutsu exam, and then you're going straight to the Hokage for what you did!"

"Like hell I am! Naruto, out!" preparing to jump away, our favourite idiot paused for a second to flip a peace sign to his sensei, a fatal mistake.

"Oh no you don't!"-Iruka quickly jumped the maelstrom before he could escape- "Now come along, you have a test to take," he said, dragging the struggling blond the long trek back to the Academy.

"Help!" hollered the blond who, true to his word, screamed and kicked and thrashed all the way back, " I'm being oppressed! I have human rights! I demand to see my lawyer! Iruka! You f-" his following statements were drowned off as he was unceremoniously carried off into the horizon. His pleas, however, heard from all around Konohagakure, were like music to the villagers ears, who basked in the blond's worsening torment.

 **And done! This is my first foray into fanfiction territory, so please be gentle. Leave a review, don't, print this chapter out and furiously waggle your kunai to it, I don't care. (Although criticisms and all are kindly accepted). This chapter was on the short side because I only wanted to try my hand at this kind of thing. Author, out!**


	2. Of Ducks And Monkeys

**I'm back, and I am blown away by the responses. In one hour I got 1 review, 2 favourites and 3 follows. And in 13 hours, I got 3 reviews, 4 favourites and 7 follows! Well shit, call me a happy camper. I have read your reviews and appreciate them! And without further ado, on with the show!**

 **Story start**

"No need to be so rough, Iruka-sensei," a visibly annoyed Naruto grumbled, rubbing his tender backside, " It's not like I was going to run away or anything"

"And I'm the fifth Hokage," Iruka retorted, "Naruto, just get in line and shut up."

We find ourselves at the sparring area just outside of the Ninja Academy, a place where aspiring shinobi go to learn the arts of the nin. A gaggle of children wait behind a reasonably tall man with blueish hair tucked away in the bandanna-styled standard Konoha forehead protector.

"Ah, our vagabond student _finally_ decides to grace us unworthy peasants with his glorious presence." Mizuki smirked. Now, Mizuki was not a pleasant man to be around, what with his arrogant attitude and quick-to-arouse temper. He also has a profound hate for our protagonist whom he, along with many others, view only as the Kyuubi no Yoko and not the container. A ridiculous claim by any means. When a man puts his kunai in a woman's kunai pouch, does it make the woman the kunai? No, but that doesn't stop most civilians from despising the blond and would pounce at the chance of taking the boy's eyeballs and using them as soggy ping-pong balls.

The group of children behind Mizuki were, obviously, academy students, all of whom were irritated and frustrated. Understandably, considering the fact that they'd been waiting on the walking disaster known as Naruto for not an insignificant amount of time. 2 hours to be exact.

"Alright everyone, get in teams of two and get ready to spar! Let's get this over with, unless someone wants to delay even further today's lesson?" Iruka addressed the class, throwing a meaningful, and downright terrifying, glance at Naruto, one that promised unknown and endless suffering if he didn't comply. Naruto for his part, shook his head furiously.

"Good," Iruka turned around to observe his pupils milling about trying to find partners, thinking that things had _finally_ calmed down and that his migraine might abate.

"Oi! Duckwad!" Why, oh _why_ did Kami hate him so.

Spinning on his feet, he sees Naruto, legs akimbo and hands on his hips, glaring at a certain dark haired boy, whose hairdo indeed _was_ similar to a certain avian.

"You should be honoured!" he exclaimed, " I'm giving you the opportunity to face of against the future Hokage! The great Naruto Uzumaki! If you're lucky, I might even go easy on you!"

Now, Naruto obviously expected his proclamation to be greeted with rousing applause, fireworks, and just _maybe_ scantily clad women hurling themselves at him, but instead he got a round of uproarious laughter from the students for his efforts.

"Yeah right! It's more like _Sasuke_ 'll have to go easy on _you_!" yelled a fangirl.

Sasuke, the boy in question, responded in a manner worthy of any Uchiha. He hnn'ed. He _fucking_ _hnn'ed._ That wasn't even a _thing_ before his clan came by.

"I shall take that as an acceptance to my challenge of a duel! Come up hither to the dueling ring, so we may duke it it like noble gents! Prepare to get knackered!" was the reply to the _oh so eloquent_ Uchiha.

"Naruto! Knock off the old time speech!" Iruka turned to the onyx-eyed boy, "I'm sorry Sasuke, but it seems that the only way to calm Naruto down is for you to spar with him, so if you could kindly...?" he trailed off in a meaningful way.

"Hnn" was his monosyllabic answer, but nonetheless, Sasuke joined Naruto in the sparring ring.

"You know, Sasuke, not knowing words with more than a single syllable is a sign of a lack of intelligence, right?" Naruto taunted.

Our favourite polysyllabic challenged Uchiha didn't show any reaction, aside from a narrowing of his eyes and crouching into his clan's taijutsu style.

"This'll be a taijutsu-only spar!" Iruka announced.

"So no _nin_ jutsus or _gen_ jutsus are allowed, sensei?" Naruto asked.

"Correct," Iruka, not liking the way Naruto emphasized the words, started to feel slightly nervous about the well-being of his student.

"Alright! Sasuke, let's do this!"

"Hnn"

"God fucking dammit! Actually _speak_ to me for once!"

"Hajime!"

Sasuke, already in his Interceptor Style taijutsu, prepared to surge forward and quickly end the spar, but was surprised when Naruto,who previously had his hands in his pockets and looked absurdly nonchalant, suddenly disappeared from his sight. Frantically looking around for his opponent, he didn't feel the presence behind him until he heard an all too familiar, loud and obnoxious voice.

"Here ya go, Sasuke! Enjoy!" Naruto cheerfully exclaimed, slapping a hand on his back.

Naruto quickly regained his previous position, only this time his hands were formed into the ram seal.

"Don't worry, Sasuke! This'll be a ton of fun!" he said, activating the hand seal, and subsequently, the gravity tag that he'd placed on his sworn rival.

Now, Sasuke was hailed as one of the strongest Academy students of his generation, said to already be at a low chunin level. He was many things; an avenger, a prodigy, the last loyal Uchiha of Konohagakure, an emo with a 7 foot rod rammed so far up his ass that it came as a surprise that whenever he opened his mouth, you didn't see the tip. But the one thing he was not, was someone who could withstand the gravity of the earth when it was multiplied by a factor of ten. So, it should've come as no surprise when he slammed into the ground in an ungraceful heap followed by an expressive, "Hnn!"

"Hot damn, Sasuke! I think that's the most emotion you've ever shown!" Naruto teased.

Sasuke, struggling to stand, could only glare at the blond maverick. And what a glare it was, it was one that promised death and untold, endless torment for the person responsible for his current predicament.

"Naruto! What in the name of all nine layers of hell, did you _do_?! I _specifically_ said no ninjutsu or genjutsu!" Iruka bellowed.

"Calm your horses, sensei, you said no _jutsus_ of any kind, but that wasn't one! That was my new Uzumaki domain! The ninja art of Fuinjutsu!" Naruto proclaimed who was, once again, much too cheerful for the situation that he was in.

" _But what did you do_?!" Iruka demanded, frantic for the health of the last Uchiha. If anything happened to him, the council would be on his ass faster than an Akimichi at an all-you-can-eat buffet.

"Don't worry, it's only a gravity seal! He should be fine in a couple of minutes, or hours!"

"Naruto, release Sasuke at once!"

"No can do, sensei, that right there is a semi-permanent seal, can't take it off, and even if I could, why should I? Duckwad over here needs a lesson in humility."

"Naruto..."

"Yes, sensei?"

"You have exactly 5 seconds to get out of my sight and report to the Hokage, right now."

"Shit."

"One."

"I'm out of here!"

* * *

"So let me get this straight,"asked the Third Hokage in his office up in the Hokage Tower, "After your little masquerade with the civilians, Iruka captured you, 'dragged you to hell and back and purposely tried to split your skull on every rock as the "asshole" villagers all laughed', and once you got to the Academy, you participated in a taijutsu match against Sasuke Uchiha, where you then used _fuinjutsu_ to humiliate him?"

"Pretty much!" Naruto happily said.

Sarutobi Hiruzen could only massage his temples and take deep puffs of his pipe to calm his nerves. He sometimes felt like Naruto would be the end of him.

The Third Hokage was an elderly man who retook the mantle of Hokage after the death of his successor, the Fourth Hokage. With white hair and a frail body, one might mistake the Third for a weak old man. If one was to think that in the midst of the battlefield, they'd be swiftly reminded by a torrent of elemental jutsus and the cries for help, as the _frail old man_ proceeded to rip them, and all of his enemies, a new asshole. Yes, Sarutobi was a man to be feared, said to have mastered over a thousand jutsus, he was hailed as the Professor of Shinobi. And here he was, scolding a child for an outrageous prank.

"And what exactly _did_ you do, Naruto?"

"Oh nothing big, it was just a small prank."

"You call sneaking into the sewers, drawing a seal so that it would take in and store 800 _gallons_ of human waste over a period of 7 weeks and then moving the seal to the civilian market and releasing said 800 gallons of sewage into the crowds 'nothing big'?"

"Yup!"

"I should never have given you that book on sealing..." Hiruzen groaned, "How did you get into the sewer?! Actually don't answer that question. More importantly, how did you even _make_ the seal?! Storage seals aren't mentioned until Journeyman-level books, and you're only an _apprentice_!"

"Uhm, Anbu-niisan Inu might've lent me his sealing book..." Naruto admitted sheepishly.

"Oh did he now?" Hiruzen smirked, he now knew who caused all of his suffering, and revenge would be his and it would be sweet.

* * *

In the corner of the room, Anbu Inu,who was guarding the room along with Anbu Neko, couldn't help but shiver.  
'Why do I feel like I'm going to be drowning in D-rank missions for the rest of the week?'

* * *

"What am I supposed to do with you, Naruto?"

"Let me go?" came the hopeful reply.

"Out of the question. Naruto, for disrupting the peace of Konohagakure, you will spend the next week cleaning up after the mess you made."

"But Jiji! I have to study for my exams!"

"Well that's just too bad. You should've thought of that before you made the market into an glorified toilet."

"...Stupid fucking old man, doesn't get the brilliance of my pranks. I'll show him one day!" Naruto sulked.

The Third couldn't help but chuckle at his surrogate grandson's antics. "Naruto" he said, his tone softer than the previously harsh one.

"The fuck you want," of course, Naruto didn't actually say _the fuck_ to the _Third_ , not unless he wanted to know what it felt like to receive a Suiton jutsu up the ass. Instead, it was more along the line of, "Yes Jiji? How may I be of service to my tyrannical grandfather today? Perhaps you'd like for me to jump of the Hokage Monument? How about cheese grating my face? Would that please the all powerful one?"

"Oh no, Hiruzen chuckled, "No need for any of that, although your suggestions have been taken into consideration for future use. I only wanted to say, great work on the seal, you did a bang up job on it."

"Thanks Jiji! It had to be! How can I be a great Hokage if I can't even make a simple storage seal?"

"Yes indeed, how? Because of the proficiency you displayed in the arts of fuinjutsu, I've decided to leave a low journeyman-level book on fuinjutsu in your apartment. It touches on simple storage seals and _very_ basic explosive tags. Try not to misuse them. And under no circumstances are you to tamper with _any_ of the seals, alright?"

"Yes, Jiji! You're the best!" Naruto yelled, ecstatic that he could finally advance in his favourite ninja art.

"Now get going, I believe you have an exam to study for."

"Hai!"

Naruto quickly ran out of the Hokage's office, excited at the prospect of learning new seals.

'Dear Kami, forgive me, I might've just released Konoha's greatest nightmare,' the Third prayed.

* * *

20 minutes later, we find Naruto tampering with the seals.

"Yes," he cackled madly," this'll do nicely for my problem with the bunshin! I'll definitely graduate next week, with explosive results!" Naruto let out a howl of maniacal laughter, both at his "success" and at his little joke.

The local residents couldn't help but suppress a shudder at the demented laughter that echoed through the air.

 **And done! So, yea. Much longer chapter. I know Sasuke seems a bit OOC, and that'll continue, I'm trying to make him seem more lifelike. The story has a slow build, but it should pick up soon. Leave a review, don't, start a new cult based on this story, I don't care, but reviews are always welcome! Author, out!**


	3. Things

**I am back! Sorry for the delay, I had to plan out the story, I have until after the Chunin Exams. Pairings are undecided, but this is a Team Seven fic, so yea. Enjoy!**

 **Story Commence.**

* * *

It had been a long week for Naruto, one filled with hardships, struggles and explosions. He'd spent most of it trying out his new techniques and "studying" for the exam, which were scheduled for tomorrow. When he wasn't training, he was doing community service, as ordered per the Hokage.

 _Flashback_

"Crazy fuckin' old man, making me clean _all_ of the civilian market. It's not _my_ fault that shit got into the fountain!" Naruto grumbled as he struggled to rectify the consequences of his prank, namely the fountain that indeed _was_ spewing sewage in a manner akin to a very a happy dolphin.

"Hey Naruto! I guess you can say that you're having a _crappy_ day, huh?" a man with spiky black hair who went by the name of Kotetsu taunted. His partner and best friend, Izumo, snickered, "You can even say that it's a _waste_ of your time!"

As their chortling filled the air, Naruto could only grit his teeth and continue with his task. They'd been doing shit puns, in more than one way, for most of the evening. Kotetsu and Izumo had been assigned as overseers for Naruto to make sure that he did his job. Naturally, they'd been bored beyond belief, and decided to tease Naruto. A decidedly bad idea, seeing as to how they were teasing the Prank King of Konoha, and the Prank King _never_ forgets a transgression against his person.

"Laugh it up, assholes, soon you'll have your comeuppance," Naruto plotted. As he fiddled with the piping, he found the pressure valve, used to determine how strong the water sprays were. A pressure too low, and the water would just dribble out like a sad old man, and too strong, and it erupted like champagne when a teenaged boy found his father's liquor cabinet. The chunin duo just so happened to be at the edge of the fountain, and it would be such a damn _shame_ if someone was to tamper with the pressure valve.

"Kotetsu?"

"Yeah, Izumo?"

"Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

The noise Izumo was referencing to was a deep rumble that seemed to emanate from the fountain accompanied with a decisively worrying rattling.

"What are you-" Kotetsu began, before being cut off by the glorious sight of a fountain positively spraying human waste like an overly ambitious volcano.

"Oh fucking shit!" was all they manage the squeak out before they were covered in...ahem, _fecal matter_. Shit indeed, as the pair now resembled more like discount swamp monsters than shinobi of one of the most prosperous and powerful ninja villages.

"Hey, Kotetsu, Izumo! I must've mis _turd_ you, I thought I heard you guys joking about me!" Naruto's head poked out the service hatch of the fountain, and when he spotted the brown duo, he tilted his head in an innocent manner, "What happened to you guys? Are ya trying a new type of camouflage? Well, I have to say that it's never been _dung_ like that before." Any credibility of innocence was ruined by his vindictive smirk.

'Now back to cleaning.'

 _Flashback end_

Yes, Naruto had a _very_ busy week, but like all things, it had to come to an end. We now find Naruto about to enter the Academy.

'Here goes. This year, I won't fail, dattebayo!'

* * *

"You fail!" screamed a visibly irate and distraught Iruka. It had been a long day for him, a day he hoped he'd never have to relive, but with Naruto failing, the chances of that happening were very slim.

"But sensei! I-" Naruto tried to say, but was quickly cut off by Iruka.

"No buts! Naruto, in light of what happened today, I have no other option but to fail you. I'm sorry," Iruka's tone softened a bit at the end, seeing how distraught his surrogate brother was.

Now, one may be perplexed as to what exactly went down for Naruto's day to end like this. The answer lies in a short tale fraught with danger, explosions, and cursing.

 _To the past!_

Naruto entered his classroom. He was earlier than usual, and so the only other people present were Shino Aburame and Sasuke Uchiha. The blond didn't mind Shino, he was a quiet boy with average grades in taijutsu and ninjutsu, but he possessed one of the most rational minds of all of Naruto's small group of friends. Sasuke, on the other hand, was someone that Naruto disliked with a passion. With his cold and holier-than-thou attitude, Sasuke was the polar opposite of our protagonist.

Nodding to Shino, Naruto sat down in the seat next to the avenger, knowing that in doing so would not only spite him, but there's was nothing he could do about it seeing as to how Naruto took the only desk available next to him and thus stopped his fangirls from being seated next to him.

"Good morning, Sasuke-teme!"

"Hnn" came his articulate answer.

"Well, I'm terribly sorry to hear that, but I do have some cream to should clear that right up!"

Naruto couldn't help but snicker at Sasuke's uncharacteristic sputter and red face. Before the dark haired boy could throttle the blond, the rest of the students filed into the classroom. The only people whom Naruto paid any particular type of attention to were his friends.

Kiba Inuzuka, a feral looking boy with his red clan markings on his cheeks. He was with his ever-present companion, Akamaru, a ninken. Kiba was one of the few people Naruto could call a friend. The dog-boy would sometimes accompany Naruto on his pranks and was someone the prankster could relate to, both boys having similar, brash attitudes and a penchant for mischief.

Following Kiba was the unlikely duo of Shikamaru Nara and Choji Akimichi, a _very_ laid back boy, and a "big-boned" fellow, respectively. You had to be careful with Choji and the use of the word "fat", because if you ever tagged him with the f-word, he'd sit on you. A lesson Naruto learned the hard way. But other than the time Naruto almost suffocated in Akimichi ass, he found the pair to be a great group to just relax and eat.

Lastly came Hinata Hyuga, a pretty young girl with lavender eyes and deep blue hair. Naruto didn't know how to feel about the girl, she seemed nice, but whenever Naruto came close to her, she just fainted.

As the last of the students trickled in, something strange seemed to happen, the floor started to shake and the entirety of aspiring shinobi paled. Some even started to pray to Kami for forgiveness, as if a horrible calamity was coming. In truth, a calamity would've been less cruel, as the door to the class was flung open and two girls could be seen struggling to be the first to enter the room.

"Ino-pig, I was the first to be here! Back off!" a pink haired girl screeched, yes, _screeched._

"Not a chance, Forehead! I was first!" The blonde retaliated.

The two were Sakura Haruno, a pink haired girl whose voice could be likened to the dulcet tones of nails being dragged across a chalkboard, and Ino Yamanaka, a confident blonde girl locally know as the Gossip Queen.

After the brief battle of wills, both girls planted themselves in front of Naruto.

"Yes?" Naruto decided to humour them.

"Get out the way! I want to sit down next to Sasuke-kun!" came his piercing reply.

"Yea, Naruto-baka! Move! _I_ need to sit next to Sasuke-kun!" Ino added.

As the two once again devolved into a screaming match, Naruto turned to Sasuke.

"You know, if this happens daily, I can sort've understand why you're such an asshole."

Sasuke only glared back at the other boy. His eyes widened as Ino pushed Sakura, who was directly behind Naruto, and thus landed on him, causing the blond to surge forward. The silence that followed was so profound that you could hear the buzzing of Shino's kikaichu.

"What the _fuck,_ dobe?" Sasuke yelled, furiously rubbing his lips. You see, when Naruto landed on Sasuke, his lips inadvertently connected with the Uchiha's.

"The man talks! It's a miracle!"

"I don't care about that, explain what happened!" Sasuke demanded, twirling around. He was met with a curious sight. One of a red-faced Naruto nervously poking his fingers in a manner that was obviously taken from Hinata.

"Sasuke-kun, that was my first... Please take responsibility," he mumbled, never looking up from the ground.

"What.. I'm...Uh" Sasuke stammered.

"Please take care of me, Sasuke-kun!" After that statement, the class rioted, to say the least.

Before the class could fall into further disarray, Iruka entered the class. He quickly identified the instigator of the chaos.

"Naruto, knock it off! Everyone quiet down!"

After he had deemed that the students had sufficiently calmed down, he addressed the whole room.

"Today is the day of your genin examinations, I hoped you all studied well and hard," here he sent a pointed look to Naruto, who shuffled in his place, "The exam will be split into five parts, each counting for 20 points on a grand total of 100 points. The 5 parts are the most important aspects for a ninja to learn and master. The first portion is a written exam, the second is a shurikenjutsu test, the third is a stealth exam, the fourth is a taijutsu spar against one of the teachers, and the last one is to test your knowledge on the Bunshin no Jutsu, the Henge no Jutsu and the Kawarimi no Jutsu. Now sit down and get ready for your written exam. You will have 30 minutes to complete it" Iruka informed his class.

As Iruka passed his students papers, Naruto was having a mental breakdown.

'Shit, shit, shit, shit, I am so not ready for this, I _completely_ forgot that there was a written portion.'

Iruka gave Naruto his paper, "Good luck, Naruto."

'I am so _fucked_ '

* * *

'That wasn't so bad! Oh, who am I kidding, I completely flunked that part,' Naruto sulked, rainclouds forming over his head and students shuffling away from the strange blond.

Iruka, along with Mizuki, had taken the students to the throwing range located behind the Academy. A fairly simple range, with 2 aisles of 25 meters that contained 10 dummies at the end. On the opposite end, someone had drawn a line sided with a table that held a multitude of sharp pointy things.

"Alright! This next segment is the shurikenjutsu test. Wait for either me or Mizuki-sensei to call your name, take 5 kunai and 5 shuriken, go up to the line and throw them at the targets. A fatal hit is worth 2 points, a non-fatal hit is worth 1 point and a miss is worth 0 points. Ready? Shino Aburame."

As Iruka went down the list, Naruto felt confident that he wouldn't mess up, he'd practised for a good part of the past week.

"Sasuke Uchiha!" Iruka called, and was quickly drowned out by the cries of the numerous fangirls present in his class.

"Sasuke-kun! You're the best!"

"Go Sasuke-kun!"

"Have my child!"

That last one was worrying for the young man.

The onyx-eyed boy confidently walked up to the range, and in one fluid motion threw all 5 kunai at the targets. This was quickly followed by the 5 shuriken.

"Very good, Sasuke, 18 out of 20 points. You got the highest in the class so far!"

Walking up to Naruto, he smirked and said, "Just try and beat me, dobe"

"No thanks, I don't bat for the other team, but what you do in your free time is completely up to you!" Naruto quipped.

"Wha-"

"Naruto Uzumaki!"

"Duty calls! Toodles!"

Naruto strode to the range, ignoring the catcalls of the other kids.

"Naruto-baka, try not to kill anyone!"

"Is it safe to be giving weapons to _him_?"

Grabbing the projectiles, he readied his arm, calmed his breath, and threw.

"Whoa, very nice Naruto!" Iruka whistled "16 out of 20! Although that last kunai could've been thrown in a more refined manner. Next time, try not to castrate your peers."

"Thanks, sensei!" Naruto replied, walking past a certain dark haired boy who was sprawled on the ground, a kunai dangerously close to some _special_ bits.

"Oh dear, did I almost hit you, Sasuke- _kun._ I am _terribly_ sorry!"

Sasuke, once again, could only glare at the boy as he tried to control his heart beat.

* * *

After the particularly _eventful_ segment, where Naruto almost sterilized the last Uchiha, and Sasuke gaining a new appreciation for his family jewels, the instructors moved the group to a different area of the Academy grounds. In front of them was a long wooden corridor, 4 meters high and roughly 150 meters long, made of wood.

"This next part is arguably the hardest part of the exam!" Iruka said, "As you can see, behind me is a structure, this structure will test your prowess ins stealth and situational awareness. It is filled to the brim with non-lethal traps and bells. You have 5 minutes to get through all of them, for every minute you go over the limit, you loose 4 points. In addition, if you activate any of the bells, I will deduct 4 extra points. Now get in line in alphabetical order. The test starts in 5 minutes."

As all the kids quickly got into line, Naruto, who was at the back, thought he had this exam in the bag.

'And besides, if anything happens, I have _that_ ,' he mused, fingering something that was inside his pocket.

After a boring 40 minutes of waiting, where nothing of extraordinary importance happened, although a boy did somehow manage to tangle himself in one of the bell's strings, Iruka finally called on the maelstrom known as Naruto.

"Good luck, Naruto."

"I won't need any of that, sensei! Stealth is my area of expertise!" Naruto boldly proclaimed.

"Indeed it is," Iruka chuckled.

And indeed it was, for halfway through the 5 minute mark, not a single bell had been rung. If Naruto was actually doing the run, he'd be doing better than most, if not all, of the students. That is until a loud exclamation of "Shit!" was heard in the quiet clearing.

"What was that?" was the general question asked by many. That was quickly answered by an explosion of moderate size located about two thirds of the way to the finish line. A part of the wall facing the students was blown away, and out stumbled a _very_ sooty Naruto.

"Ehehe, sorry, sensei. One of the traps really surprised me."

Iruka could only look at his blond student with a deadpan expression, quickly marking a zero next to his name.

After the test had been hastily fixed and Ino had gone through it, the teachers found in to be in their best interests to quickly finish the next two exams to rid themselves of the headache that was Naruto.

* * *

"Before someone blows up _this_ part of the Academy," Iruka sighed, sending a quick glare at the maverick, who was pointedly looking at the ground, an innocent look plastered on his face, "I'll do this quickly. This will be the taijutsu section, I will call your name and you will come up to spar with either me or Mizuki."

"You have 3 minutes to either last against the instructor or land a hit against them, failure to do so will result in a 0 in this segment"

As the children, for the third, and not the last time, filed into line, Naruto felt a little nervous.

'If I'm up against Iruka-sensei, I can probably last the 3 minutes, or maybe even land a hit. But if I'm against Mizuki-sensei, I might be in trouble, he doesn't seem to like me very much.'

A few dozen minutes later, Iruka called Naruto's name.

"Naruto, you'll be up against me."

'Oh thank Kami, someone loves me!'

Stepping into the ring, Naruto quickly got into his brawler style taijutsu.

"I hope you're ready, Iruka-sensei!"

* * *

"Okay, settle down everyone!" Iruka exclaimed, rubbing his jaw, Naruto may be small, but he packed a punch like nobody else's business, "Congratulations on making it this far, this is the final portion of the exam, ninjutsu!"

The genin-to-be were back in the Academy, waiting in their classroom for their sensei to finish talking.

"To pass, you must show proficiency on the Academy Three. However, if you want, you can demonstrate a different technique in place of the Three for bonus points. When I call your name, you will enter the door to the left, whereupon me and Mizuki will grade you"

The Academy Three were three ninjutsu. The Henge no Jutsu allowed the used to disguise themselves as someone else by donning a thin shell of chakra. The technique required constant feeding of chakra and so was difficult to maintain. The Kawarimi no Jutsu was used for evasion tactics. It allowed for the user to switch places with an inanimate object. The amount of chakra needed to supplement the technique varied according to the situation. Three variables affected it. The distance, the weight and the speed the object switched with. The further the distance and the greater the weight, the more chakra is needed. If the object is travelling at a fast rate, even more chakra is required. The last jutsu was the Bunshin no jutsu, a technique that made incorporeal copies of the user. It required fine chakra control and negligible amounts of chakra.

The first two jutsu were not a problem for Naruto, having chakra in spades. It was the last one that worried him. Since he had more chakra than most people, hell he had more chakra than some jounin level shinobi, his chakra control was shot. It was like having a glass that you needed to fill with water. A normal person was the equivalent of a tap, quickly and easily filling the glass while Naruto was the equivalent of a fucking _fire hose._ He annihilated the glass and anything surrounding it.

Luckily, he had a solution, or at least he thought he did. He'd done extensive tests during the week, and if the results were anything to go by, he'd pass.

As Naruto reminisced on his experiments, Iruka proceeded down the class list, passing and failing the students based on their final results.

In no time at all, Naruto had been called and walked into the room.

"Naruto, please show us the Henge no Jutsu." Iruka asked.

"Not a problem! Henge no Jutsu!" Naruto disappeared in a cloud of smoke and Iruka and Mizuki had to strain to discern anything in the cloud.

As the smoke cleared, they were met with a sight that would make most men faint.

"Yoohoo," said a coy and seductive voice, "Why don't you boys come _play with me?_ " Midway through the sentence, the voice suddenly turned into the gruff voice of the Third.

For indeed, Naruto had henged into a copy of the Third Hokage. But not just in any copy, but one where he was dressed in nothing but a thong, exposing parts of an old man that no person should witness, ever. Naruto, or rather the Third, twirled in place, showcasing his wonderful wrinkly old man ass and flabby skin.

Iruka and Mizuki's mind couldn't handle the mental strain of seeing their esteemed leader in such a fashion, and quickly fainted dead away.

"Naruto! What the _fuck!_ " Iruka quickly recovered.

"You like that, sensei? I call it my Incapacitation no Jutsu!"

" _Never ever use that jutsu again on me,_ " Iruka ground out, shivering at the memory that was forever seared into his brain.

"Moving on, please show us the Kawarimi no Jutsu. And no fooling around!"

"Yes sir! Kawarimi no Jutsu!"

Naruto quickly switched places with a nearby chair and back.

"Good. Now to pass, you'll need to demonstrate the Bunshin no Jutsu. I know it's the hardest jutsu for you to perform, Naruto, so do you have a substitute jutsu?"

"I do, Iruka-sensei! But we'll have to go outside for this one," Naruto answered.

Iruka raised an eyebrow at that statement, but being curious, he and Mizuki followed Naruto outside.

"Alright! Let's do this!" Naruto exclaimed, digging a piece of paper out of his pockets. He quickly launched it into the air and formed several handseals, "Hidden Surprise Clone no jutsu!"

"Lengthy name," Mizuki whispered to Iruka, who only nodded, it was a very Naruto thing to do.

The paper was enveloped by smoke for a brief moment before it disappeared, revealing a grinning Naruto clone.

"So, Naruto, what is this?" Iruka questioned, curious about his student's new technique.

"This, Iruka-sensei, is my new jutsu! I used a mix of an explosive tag and various other seals to create a clone!"

"Very good, Naruto. Wait, explosive tag?"

"Yup! I was thinking of just using a normal piece of paper, but then I thought, what's the point of making a clone if it can't do anything? So I used an explosive tag! The moment the clone dispels, explosion!

"Naruto," Iruka slowly started, "What rank explosive tag did you use?"

"B-class, why?"

"Oh dear Kami," Iruka breathed out. He quickly ran to his naive student and all but demanded, "Naruto, please, _please_ , tell me you didn't overload the seal."

The reason why Iruka was so worried was because explosive tags, much like jutsu, had ranks. E-rank tags only produced a small bang and some smoke. D-rank tags were slightly more powerful. C-rank tags were a step above, capable of making a foot wide crater. B-rank tags could make an explosion several meters wide and A-ranks could easily destroy a building. Finally S-rank tags could level a city. Thankfully, S-ranks were rare. But the real reason why Iruka was frantic to know if Naruto overloaded the seal was because usually an explosive tag could only take a specific amount of chakra before refusing to receiving anymore. The thing is, any tag that was B-rank or above could take in more chakra than they need, and by doing so, increase the explosive properties of the tag. It was a hard thing to accomplish, necessitating exponentially more chakra and in the end it was more profitable to use the higher tier tag. What worried Iruka was that knowing Naruto, who had enough chakra to make most jounin pale in comparison, could've easily overloaded the tag.

"Don't worry Iruka-sensei! I know what I'm doi-" Naruto was cut off by a white glow emanating from his clone.

" _Hit the fucking deck!_ " he screamed.

Naruto and both instructors threw themselves to the ground, away from the clone, before they were blinded by a huge, white explosion that shook the Academy to it's age-old foundation.

* * *

"Sorry, sensei. I guess I _did_ overload the seal," Naruto chuckled nervously.

"Naruto..." the teacher growled.

'Aw, crap.'

"You. _Fail._ "

"Fuck."

* * *

The day had come to an end. It had been a momentous day for the children, where fate had determined if they graduated or not.

Naruto was on his swing, hung on a tree in front of the Academy. He couldn't help but feel depressed. All of his hard work, wasted.

"Hey, Naruto. I know Iruka can seem a little harsh sometimes, but it's only because he cares for you," Mizuki dropped down next to the blond, startling him from his thoughts.

"I know, I just wish I hadn't let him down. He had such high expectations of me."

"You know, Naruto, Iruka-sensei didn't want me to mention this, but there's a second way to graduate from the Academy."

"Really?" Naruto hopefully said.

* * *

"Hokage-sama! Naruto has stolen the Forbidden Scroll!"

"I already know that," said the Hokage, holding his nose to prevent his nose bleed from worsening, "Gather all of the available jounin."

"Hai, Hokage-sama!"

'Minato, what has your son done?'

* * *

 **And done! Holy. Shit. 4 thousand words. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, I tried making it with more action. Well, as always leave a review, don't, you know the drill! Author, out!**


	4. More Things

**New chapter after a week of inactivity! Sorry for the delay, had a bunch of shit that you probably don't give the slightest of a damn about, but here's the next chapter!**

* * *

"Oh, I hit the fucking _jackpot!_ " said a certain blond haired boy as he read from a large scroll. Naruto was currently in a forest, one of the many that surrounded Konoha. He'd been tasked by Mizuki to steal the scroll from the Hokage's Tower and then learn a single jutsu from said scroll.

"Now let's see..." he muttered, his eyes browsing the entries. He stopped on the first one, or rather, the variation of the first one.

"Explosive Clone no Jutsu? Hell to the fucking yes!" he exclaimed, "Let's do this!"

He paused for a second, idly wondering if he should take time to learn the original jutsu, seeing as to how Mizuki said he could only learn one jutsu.

'What he doesn't know, won't kill him. I'll just write it down for later use. Technically I'm not _learning_ it, I'm merely taking notes!' he thought.

 _Flashback_

Naruto had just finished his Genin exams, where he failed spectacularly. He was sitting on a swing, looking on at the crowd of jubilant children who had successfully graduated from the Academy. He tried to ignore the cold glares and half-whispered insults on his person.

Thankfully, one of his senseis had come to distract him.

"Hey, Naruto. I know Iruka can seem a little harsh sometimes, but it's only because he cares for you," Mizuki dropped down next to the blond, startling him from his thoughts.

"I know, I just wish I hadn't let him down. He had such high expectations of me."

"You know, Naruto, Iruka-sensei didn't want me to mention this, but there's a second way to graduate from the Academy."

"Really?" Naruto hopefully said.

"It's an exam that takes in all of the factors needed to become a shinobi and incorporates them all at the same time," Mizuki informed his student.

"You're being serious?! What is it?!" Naruto excitedly asked.

'Hook, line, and sinker,' the teacher thought, inwardly smirking evilly, 'That's right you little bastard, trust your sensei. Soon, I will have my revenge and ultimate power!'

"It's a rather simple task, Naruto, You only need to infiltrate the Hokage's Tower, get into his safe, steal a scroll and learn a single jutsu from it!" Mizuki said, making it sound like a walk in the park.

"The fucking _Hokage Tower_?" Naruto deadpanned.

"Yea.. Uh... Don't worry! The Sandaime knows and won't go hard on you! And uh..." Mizuki stammered, obviously not having thought of how Naruto would react to the idea of having to go into one of the most heavily fortified buildings, try to sneak into the Hokage's office, steal one of the most prized possessions of Konohagakure, and then manage to escape. It was flawed in so many ways and there was no possible way that Naruto would agre-

"Alright! I'll do it!" Naruto exclaimed.

"And- Wait, you'll do it?" Mizuki asked, befuddled by this fortunate turn of events.

"Hell yeah! If word gets out that _I_ managed to get into the Hokage's office, people would _have_ to acknowledge me!"

"Okay... Well then," the man said, obviously taken aback by his strange student and his fixation towards acknowledgement, "The safe is in the corner of the office, and the code for it is '742'. Meet me at the cabin in the north-west forest at 9 PM."

"You got it, sensei!" was his exuberant reply, complete with a good guy pose.

'What have I gotten myself into... There's no way in hell that he'll manage it...'

Linebreak

But fate seemed to be on his side tonight, as Naruto, the lovable idiot that he was, _had_ actually managed to somehow steal the fabled Scroll of Seals. How? Well, it involved lots of stealth, a certain technique, a _very_ surprised Hokage, and an ass-load of luck.

They say the Hokage couldn't get the bloodstains out of his robes for weeks.

 _Flashback end_

And so that's how we find ourselves with Konoha's self-proclaimed Prank King and the Scroll of Seals.

"Time for some extra credit!"

* * *

It had been several hours since Naruto's little escapade, and a village-wide search had been declared. After, of course, the Hokage had recovered from massive blood loss.

We find our hero panting on the ground, visibly exhausted from intense training.

"It was a bitch to get down, but I think I got it!" Naruto declared.

"Naruto!" a voice roared, "What in the name of the Hokage's wrinkly ass do you think you're _doing?!"_

"Hey Iruka-sensei! I'm learning a new technique, just like Mizuki-sensei said! Now you'll have to allow me to graduate!"

"What are you _talking about?!_ The Hokage has declared a city-wide search for you! Do you even _know_ what that scroll is?!" Iruka screeched at wits end with his student, who had almost been declared a missing-nin.

"Uh... It's a scroll... of... awesome techniques?" was Naruto's pathetic attempt at an answer.

"You _idiot_! It's the fucking Scroll of Seals! One of Konoha's greatest treasures, and _you_ stole it!"

"But Mizuki said-"

"Mizuki? What does he have to do with any of this?!" Iruka was getting more and more distraught with his naive student, torn between having a mental breakdown or throttling the boy, a choice he had to make too many times a day.

"He told me that if I stole this scroll and learnt a jutsu, you'd graduate me! He said it was a makeup exam for those who failed!"

"What-" Iruka started before he was cut off by a voice.

"Tsk, such a shame you had to learn this way, Iruka. And here I had grown fond of you. I was hoping I wouldn't have to kill you, but alas, you're a witness, and I can't have any of those," Mizuki, who had just landed on a tree with a fuma shuriken strapped to his back, stated.

"Mizuki! You would betray the village?! Why?!" Iruka demanded, shocked at the revelation that his partner was an asshole. Shouldn't have been that much of a surprise.

"Why?! For ultimate power! I will become the greatest shinobi ever! I had planned to steal the Scroll myself, but getting the boy as my scapegoat was just an added bonus. Now I'll have to kill you both"

"Run, Naruto!" Iruka screamed to the boy, who was confused at the turn of events, "Mizuki wants the Scroll! Do _not_ let him get it!"

" _What the fuck is going on?!"_ Naruto yelled.

"Mizuki is a traitor to the village and wants the Scroll of Sealing, which is in _your hands!_ Now run!"

"I'm afraid I can't let that happen, Iruka." Mizuki smirked, "Naruto, have you ever wondered why no one likes you?"

"Because I'm devastatingly handsome and everyone's jealous of me?" Naruto joked.

"What- No. Be quiet! Naruto, the reason why you're treated like trash in the village is because you, Naruto-"

"Mizuki, stop it! That's an S-class secret! You know what the consequences are for revealing it are!" Iruka tried to prevent Mizuki from finishing his sentence, but it was all for naught.

"-Are the jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi no Kitsune! You are a demon! You killed hundreds of people twelve years ago! You are the Nine-Tailed Fox!"

"Naruto, he's lying! Don't believe him!" Iruka yelled, twirling around, "Naruto?"

Naruto was looking at the ground, his body shaking. Mizuki gloated at the fact that he broke the demon child.

"How does it feel to be hated? To be loathed, Kyuubi?"

" _Fuck you!_ " the cry resonated all across the clearing, "I may have a demon in me, but that doesn't change anything! I'll make the villagers respect me and see me for who I am! Besides, I have better shit to deal with!"

Mizuki was befuddled, one moment the brat had been a shocked and immobile boy, and now he was back to being his crass usual self.

"Demon brat, don't get ahead of yourself!" Mizuki growled, throwing one of his fuma shurikens.

"Naruto! Watch out!" Iruka cried out.

Naruto's eyes widened in fear, the projectile was going to fast for him to dodge. He closed his eyes and awaited the release that was death. He heard a meaty thunk, but felt no impact. Opening one of his eyes, he was met with the pained face of Iruka.

"Iruka-sensei, why?!"

"Because you're my student. You're my favourite student, I see you as a brother I never had. When I first met you, I was like everyone else, I only saw you as the demon. But now, after I got to know you, I only see a lonely kid crying out for attention. You remind me of myself when I was younger, always playing pranks and getting into trouble. You may house the Kyuubi, but that doesn't change who you are. You are Naruto, prankster extraordinaire, trouble maker, and... My brother. Now go! I'll try to hold him off!"

Naruto could only look on at his injured sensei, tears overflowing from his eyes.

"Iruka-sensei..."

"Are you guys done yet? This is all very nice but I'm on a tight schedule, what with having to evade hunter-nin and all that," a snide voice cut through the air.

"You stay right there, Iruka-sensei, I have trash to deal with," Naruto said, slowly getting up.

"Naruto, don't. He's too strong for you," Iruka feebly tried to protest.

"Mizuki-teme! You hurt one of my precious people! For that, you must _suffer_. I was planning on using the technique I just learnt, but now, you get _special_ treatment," Naruto stated, digging out a piece of paper covered in seals.

"Bring it, brat!"

The blond boy briefly channelled his chakra into the paper, making it glow a deep blue, before it returned to its unassuming colour. The only indication that anything had changed with it was the fact that, while before it had hung limply in his hand, waving in the wind, it now stood rigid.

"Was that it? You're a bigger failure than we give credit to! This'll be easier than I thought!" the traitor jeered.

"I don't think so," Naruto calmly said, "This is my own variant of the explosive tag. I call it a Buster Seal."

"A Buster Tag? And why is it called that?" Mizuki jeered.

"Why, because it busts balls of course! Chopper, _sic balls_!"

He let go of the tag. It floated for a brief moment before zooming towards Mizuki at chunin-level speeds, or more specifically, towards a particularly _meaty_ area of his person. Poor man, he never stood a chance. They say a male's voice had never gone that high before.

* * *

"Naruto," said an injured Iruka trying to ignore the twitching heap that was once his associate, "Come here."

Perplexed, Naruto walked over to his teacher.

"Close your eyes, I have something for you."

Doing as he was told, he felt Iruka take off his goggles before they were replaced with something heavier.

"Now open your eyes."

Naruto opened his eyes to see his surrogate brother, only he didn't have his forehead protector on. His hands flew up to his own, and felt an unfamiliar, cold metal substance.

"Congrats, Naruto, you're now an official genin of Konohagakure," Iruka proudly said. He wasn't prepared for the flying hug that followed his statement, and he fell to the ground with a pained grunt.

* * *

"So let me get this straight. You failed your graduation exam because you nearly blew up half the Academy, Mizuki then told you to steal the Scroll of Seals, claiming it to be another exam. You then proceeded to break into my office, incapacitate me, steal the Scroll, and head towards the forest, where you learnt a jutsu before Iruka found you. You discovered that Mizuki was a traitor, he tried to kill Iruka, and you retaliated by, how did you put this, 'bustin' his balls so that only shreds remained' and now you're back in my office," said the Sandaime Hokage, rubbing his temples. He felt like this scene was all too familiar.

"Yup!"

"Naruto... I don't even know where to begin..."

"You stole one of the most important things that Konoha has in it's possession, you invented a tag that by all rights shouldn't exist, and you permanently injured a chunin."

"He had it coming!"

"Perhaps he did... Well, I can't fault you for this, you were only caught up in a madman's struggle for power. But tell me, do you even understand how this... 'Buster Tag' works?"

"Not a clue."

The Hokage had to physically fight to urge to slam his face into his desk. Naruto was, at the same time, one of the densest yet smartest person he knew.

"Naruto, what you did shouldn't be possible. Anti-gravity seals aren't possible, yet you somehow managed to make one. You then added it to a D-rank explosive tag, along with a tracking seal and a movement seal, which again should not exist. And for some reason, the tag then targets a specific part of the male anatomy. You should know that those two seals aren't possible, you should've read that in the book I gave you," the Sandaime explained, "What I want to know is, _how in the blue blazes did you manage to do it_?"

"How should I know, I didn't read any of the theory! I just wanted a seal that flew towards my enemies, and so I made one! A pretty damn fucking _awesome_ one might I add!

The Hokage pinched the bridge of his nose, it was a very Naruto-esque thing to do, inventing things that shouldn't exist. He once managed to make Ibuki cry, the man was in _T &I_ for Kami's sake! He still shudders at the thought of what had transpired that day. So. Much. _Fucking. Mayonnaise._

"I see... And the ball part?"

"Oh, that was an accident! Yup, scared the living shit out of me the first time it happened." Naruto remembered the time he first tried out his new tag. Needless to say, he was very happy he hadn't primed the tag.

"The tag just seems to be attracted to nuts!"

The Sandaime only looked at his successor's son in a deadpan stare.

"Well... Congratulations on being promoted to genin, Naruto."

"Thanks, jiji!"

"Oh, Naruto?"

"yea, jiji?"

"About the whole Kyuubi sealing, are you sure you're okay with that?"

"Hell yeah, jiji! I have better things to deal with than an oversized plushie that's sealed into my stomach!"

"Well, if you ever want to talk about it, know that I'm here."

"Thanks jiji," Naruto repeated, this time in a softer voice. He quickly reverted back to his excitable self.

"Later, I have to get to bed for my big day tomorrow!"

He quickly ran out the room, jumping happily at the fact that he was one step closer to his goal.

'Knock 'em dead, Naruto' the Hokage thought with a chuckle.

* * *

 **And done! Yea, this chapter was a bitch to write, I got distracted so many times. Anyways, about how Naruto reacted to the fact that he's the jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi no Kitsune, that's just how he is in my mind. He doesn't give the slightest of two shits. I understand if you don't like that but eh. I'm thinking of starting a series of one-shots to practice my drama writing skills. Well, you guys know the drill. Do whatever the fuck you want with this chapter, I'll try to update soon if I don't get waylaid, no promises though. Author signing out!**


	5. WOW! Even More Things!

**Hey guys! Sorry for the long update, I was busy with shit you guys probably don't give the slightest of a damn about, but oh well. Anyways, on with the show!**

* * *

"Man, I am _tired_ ," said a Naruto, head resting on his desk, "I really shouldn't have stayed up all night trying my new technique..."

We find our hero, if one were so inclined to call the manic, explosion loving, sailor-mouthed blond that, back at the Academy for the last time. It was early in the morning, and amazingly enough, Naruto had decided to go to the Academy earlier than usual to avoid any and all chances of being late. Unfortunately, doing so had an unwanted side-effect.

"I'm so fucking _bored_."

Indeed, Naruto was bored, and a Bored Naruto is a Scary Naruto. The last time that had happened, half of the village was clamouring for his head and the other half were traumatized. Who knew there were so many other uses for chopsticks?

"Man, why isn't there anyone here?" wondered a perplexed blond aloud. Perhaps it was because it was 6 in the _goddamn morning,_ or maybe because the Academy _hadn't even opened yet._ The bundle of energy that is Naruto, you see, had decided that it was a good idea to wake up at 5 AM to _really_ be sure he wouldn't be late, and when he found that the entrance to the Academy was locked, one could only guess what went through his mind. It was presumably, 'Fuck it,' as he proceeded to demonstrate the _high_ level of stealth that a shinobi can employ by kicking down the door.

As he sat alone in his classroom, he yawned, "Perhaps getting up so early was a bit much..." The boy couldn't help but feel his eyelids become heavier and heavier as the monotone environment finally took its toll on him.

"Screw it, no one's coming for another hour anyways," he thought as he drifted off into sleep.

* * *

Naruto woke up to the sound of heavy breathing and the lovely view of his teacher's livid face mere inches away from his own.

"Good morning, sensei," he yawned out. That seemed to tip Iruka over the edge.

"Good morning? _Good morning?!_ Naruto, why in the name of Kami are you here for?!"

"I'm here for my team assignments obviously."

"At 7 in the _fucking morning?!_ "

"Yea! I didn't want to miss it!"

"I... Wha... Wh... Uh..." Iruka seemed to be at a loss for words at his densest students proclamation. He paused for a moment, trying to regain his composure, "Naruto... What am I supposed to do with you?"

"Applaud me for my diligent, studious ways?" was his hopeful reply.

"I'm thinking more along the lines of strangulation or immediate expulsion of the class via window."

Naruto chuckled nervously, obviously thinking that his surrogate brother was joking. He wasn't.

* * *

Iruka eventually settled on enacting both punishments at the same time, and that is how the students found Naruto dangling from the second story window as a crimson-coloured Iruka throttled the poor, sputtering and flailing boy, yelling out obscenities. The students just got into their seats as if it was a daily occurrence, and indeed it was. It wasn't rare to witness Iruka crack under the pressure and attempt serious bodily harm on his favourite pupil. Luckily for the victim, he was always stopped any grave injuries were inflicted.

As the soon-to-be shinobi slowly filed in, not without sparing an intrigued glance at the broken down door, Iruka seemed to eventually calm down. Putting down a now unconscious Naruto, he walked to his desk and tidied up the mess of papers strewn across it like nothing had happened.

* * *

Hinata was excited, she had, in spite of all the doubts of her father, graduated. As she entered the classroom, she saw Naruto sprawled out in a heap in a corner of the room. Understandably worried, she hurried to his side, trying to discern what was wrong with her long-time crush. She leaned down, about to shake him awake, when he seemed to stir at her presence, and he moaned before sluggishly opening one of his eyes.

"Hinata? Wha-?" he began to ask before being interrupted by a squeak and an "Eep!" as she quickly realized the close proximity that she had with him and promptly fainted. Right into his arms.

"What the hell!? Hinata? Hinata!" Naruto was frantic, the Hyuuga heiress had just collapsed into his arms. If her father heard of this, he was certain he'd be jyuunken'd in a tender area. As he tried to shake her awake, he idly noticed fragrance that surrounded her. She smelled nice, like smells. But now wasn't the time for that! He had to make sure she was okay!

"Iruka-sensei!" he yelled, startling the teacher out of his enthralling lecture of a certain orange book.

"What is it, Naruto?"

"It's Hinata! Something's wrong with her!"

Iruka, quickly noticing the flushed face and their closeness, quickly deduced what had happened. Silently chuckling at his students predicament and unfailing denseness, he told him to just place Hinata in her usual seat, saying that she should be alright in a couple of minutes.

Trusting his instructor's judgement, he wobbled over to her desk and gently set her down. Naruto being Naruto, couldn't just leave her there and so decided to keep her company until she came about.

Hinata was feeling lightheaded. As she lifted her head from her desk, she remembered why she had fainted, and blushed scarlet. Naruto, the jubilant boy who never gave up, the prankster that everyone seemed to hate, her crush, the boy who seemed to be _right in front of her!_

"Hey Hinata, you feeling alright?"

He was responded, for the second time today, with a high-pitched "Eep!" before she swooned once more.

Naruto could only scratch his head at the girl's strange behaviour but decided to leave it be. Who was he to question the peculiarities of others? He had a demon that could level entire _villages_ in an instant sealed inside his fucking _stomach_. So he just let her be and went down to his usual spot in the corner front row of the room.

* * *

As the last of the students trickled in, Iruka prepared to address the class when a low rumble interrupted him. His face blanched in abject terror, something that was mirrored by most of the class. "Kami have mercy on my soul," one could distinctively hear him whisper, hands clasped together as if asking for forgiveness to a being of supreme power. All across the classroom, one could witness various stages of horror, ranging from people cowering under their desks to others whimpering in corners, rocking back and forth muttering incomprehensible things. What could possibly cause such a reaction from trained, or rather nearly trained, individuals? Something terrifying, something that has felled kingdoms and has made powerful men break down and beg for the sweet liberation known as death, fan girls.

As the tremors got louder and the whimpers even more, a keening noise could be heard, attaining octaves never heard of before. Indeed, it sounded like a boiling kettle had brutally fucked a goat that had its vocal cords replaced with the whistle of a train. It was not a pleasant sound.

In barged two individuals, a blonde and a pinkette, if that was even a thing.

"Move Ino-pig! I was here first!" screeched Sakura, the _totally_ natural pinkette.

"Yeah right, Forehead! I was obviously the first one to enter! I get to sit next to Sasuke!" retorted Ino, the blonde and self-proclaimed gossip queen.

The two girls butted foreheads in an intriguing battle for dominance before Sakura noticed that our unfortunate hero was seated in the only spot next to the boy of their affections, Sasuke.

Sasuke, it seemed, had known what was about to transpire seconds before they had entered the class and so, his preservation instincts kicking in, he quickly slipped into the chair next to Naruto, knowing that he'd take the brunt of the attention.

"Naruto-baka! Move out of the way! You're in our spot!" ah, the dulcet tones of a banshee. No better way to start your day off really.

Naruto, for his part, did something that you should never do to either a tiger or a rabid fan girl, he turned his back to her.

"You have to deal with this, emo-teme? I can sorta understand why you're so _weird._ "

"Don't ignore me, you idiot!" Sakura shrieked, pushing him on the back. One could question what exactly her goal was, but what transpired next was certainly not it.

" _God_ _dammit_ _! Second fucking time!_ " yelled a disgusted Naruto, furiously rubbing his lips.

'I'll have to bleach those tonight.'

Sasuke was going through similar thoughts and actions, before leveling a glare at both the walking tea kettle and blond menace.

Sakura was absolutely livid, not only had Naruto kissed _her_ Sasuke-kun, but it was his second time too! As she opened her mouth, presumably to let out a wail of legendary proportions that would be told from generation to generation by the survivors, she was cut short by the clearing of the throat of a certain instructor.

"if you guys are done screwing around, I would like to start my last class..." said a too calm Iruka.

They all quickly shut up and found a seat.

* * *

"Now I would like to congratulate you all on successfully passing..." as Iruka went off on his speech about becoming shinobi and the new responsibilities and yadda, yadda, yadda, Naruto wasn't really listening. He just zoned out, thinking about all the cool techniques he was going to invent.

"Team Seven will be compromised of Sasuke Uchiha, Sakura Haruno, and Naruto Uzumaki, with their sensei being Kakashi Hatake."

That caught his attention, apparently Iruka had started giving out the team assignments, for quite a while actually, based on the team number and wait... Did he just say... _Sasuke?_

"Team Eight will be-" the teacher was saying before he was disrupted by the sound of a hard object slamming against wood and a loud holler of " _Fuck!"_ Startled, he looked up from his list only to see Naruto with his face planted on his desk, groaning. He continued on with the listing.

'Why the _fuck_ did it have to be _Sasuke-teme_ of all people?!' thought the young shinobi-to-be.

Sasuke wasn't happy either, 'Great, a fan girl and an idiot are my teammates.'

Sakura, however, had mixed feelings about the placements, 'I got Sasuke-kun! _Hell yeah!_ Too bad Naruto-baka is there to ruin it. If only it was only me and Sasuke-kun! Oh, how he would hold me and...' she started to drool and drift off into whatever fucking hell fan girls go to when thinking of the object of their affections.

They were all jolted out of their thoughts by the loud clap of Iruka, "That's it for the teams! Your sensei should arrive shortly."

Sure enough, already some shinobi had come to gather their team and leave. In a remarkably short amount of time, it was only Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke left in the room.

"Man, where _is_ our sensei! Everyone else is gone!"

"Naruto, be quiet, this is probably some sort of test to see how patient we are, right, Sasuke?"

"Hnn"

"Expressive as always, you bastard."

"Naruto!"

* * *

Two hours later, and still Team Seven's sensei had not come yet.

"Alright, fuck this guy, if he wants to screw with us like this, _I_ get to screw with _him!_ " proclaimed a very bored Naruto, and a bored Naruto is something that was already previously explained as to why one should fear for their well-being when they're the target for his pent-up energy .

"What are you doing, Naruto?" said a curious Sakura.

"I'm going to prank our sensei," he replied as he proceeded to pull out various instruments and objects from a wide range of pockets.

"Oh really? As if a Jonin-level shinobi would fall for a trap made by an Academy student!"

"Watch and learn, my little bat on crack."

" _What did you just call me?!_ "

And for the next hour, hammering and sawing could be heard throughout the Academy halls, accompanied by the mad cackling of a certain blond boy.

* * *

"Sorry I'm late!" said an unknown voice just outside the doorway, "I got sidetracked on the- Whoa!"

Kakashi couldn't help but yell out, and so would you, if a plank of wood tipped with nails suddenly sprang forwards towards your crotch.

"What the _fu-_ " he began before he had to stop mid-sentence and dodge some projectiles that seemed to be aiming for his nipples. "Are those fucking _darts?!_ What the _hell_ is going on?!" Before he could continue on with his questions, something fell on top of his head. An eraser for the blackboard. An eraser that someone had stuck a sizzling tag of paper on. ' _Shit._ '

This cycle of dodging pointy objects and explosions continued on for a while, before finally, it stopped.

A panting Kakashi was doubled over near Iruka's desk, the doorway and everything in a 5 meter radius nothing more but a smoking crater filled with what appeared to be half a hardware store's inventory. Indeed, one could spy pipes, tables, and was that a goddamned _toilet?_ 'Just what the hell are these kids?' thought Kakashi.

* * *

Kakashi was a tall man, with silver hair that apparently hadn't gotten the memo that gravity was a thing and just stuck out. He covered his lower face with a mask and his left eye was blocked by his hitai. He was a world-renown shinobi, with bounties ranging in the millions of ryo in a multitude of lands. Most known for his love of the Icha-Icha series and work in the Anbu, he was a man whose enemies feared.

* * *

Boisterous laughter broke him out of his observations, and he stared at a blond boy who seemed to find the near death of his sensei the most hilarious thing since someone invented mayonnaise.

The silver haired man straightened up, trying to act as if nothing had happened. "My first impression of you is that I _hate_ you. Meet me at the roof in five minutes," he said before quickly shunshining the hell out of there. Anything to escape the darts.

* * *

"Did you see his face?! He damn near shit himself!" Naruto yelled, obviously the origin of the chaos that had just briefly transpired.

"Naruto-baka! What have you done! Our sensei hates us now and its all _your fault!_ " Sakura howled (there are only so many adjectives for the word screech.)

"Whatever, he deserved it. And it's not like you didn't enjoy it either!"

"You infuriate me _so much!_ " she turned towards Sasuke to get his input on the matter, only to find him halfway across the hallway on his way to the roof.

"Sasuke-kun! Wait for me!"

* * *

"Alright. Now that we're all here, how about we introduce ourselves?" said an all too happy Kakashi.

The three aspiring shinobi were seated on the roof of the Academy, facing their new sensei.

"Kakashi-sensei? What do you mean by 'introduce ourselves?" asked Sakura.

"Well, tell us your name, your dislikes, likes, hobbies, dreams for the future and the like." Seriously, what the fuck else does one do when introducing themselves? Present their third-born child?

"Why don't you start, Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura said, hoping to learn a few things about their new sensei, a though mirrored by the two boys.

"Okay! My name is Kakashi Hatake. I like and dislike many things, my hobbies, well you're all too young to hear about those, and my dreams for the future, well I haven't really thought of those."

'That wasn't really informative at all, we only learned his name..." thought the trio.

"Since you so kindly requested me to go first, why don't you continue, Pinky?"

"Don't call me that!" yelled the pinkette, "My name is Sakura Haruno, I like..." Here she glanced at Sasuke and blushed heavily, "I dislike Ino-pig and Naruto-baka!"

"Love you too, Miss Nails-On-A-Blackboard," muttered the subject of her ire.

"My hobbies are..." Another glance, followed by the deepening of her blush, "My dreams for the future are..." She glanced at Sasuke once again, and giggled, _fucking giggled._

Sasuke inched slowly away from the psychopa- sorry, _fan girl,_ and not for the first time, questioned if he was actually safe.

"Alrighty then," said a visibly disturbed Kakashi, "You, duckling, how about you tell about yourself."

"Hnn."

"Damn, Sasuke! I didn't know you liked men!"

The glare that was sent Naruto's way could've made the Shinigami himself shit his pants.

"Fine, my name is Sasuke Uchiha, I hate many things, and have no particular liking for anything. My dream is no dream, but rather, a goal. I will restore my clan to its former glory and kill a certain someone." Wonder who that is.

"And I thought _I_ was fucked up in the brain," whistled Naruto.

'He's still fixated on the whole 'avenger of my clan' thing, huh?' thought Kakashi, 'Is anyone on my team _not_ a psychopath?"

"Sunshine, you're up next."

"Alright! My name is Naruto Uzumaki! I like ramen, pranking people, inventing new techniques, ramen, training, ramen and all things that go boom! I dislike the three minutes it takes to cook ramen and people who look down on me! My dream is to one day become Hokage so that everyone will respect me!"

'Apparently not...'

"Now that that's out of the way, let's get down to business. Tomorrow, you'll be having your real Genin test."

" _Real_ Genin test? What do you mean by that, sensei?"

"I mean that the test you took before was meaningless, _this_ one is the one that actually matters, because if you fail it, you have to retake your year!" he happily announced, his eye turning up into a U.

"But that's not fair!" wailed Sakura.

"Life isn't fair. Now meet me at Training Ground 3 at 7 AM sharp tomorrow, and I suggest you skip on breakfast, wouldn't want you to vomit on me, now would we?"

With a collective sigh, the newly dubbed Team Seven quickly dispersed.

* * *

"Where the hell _is_ he?! It's been 3 hours!" the owner of the irate voice was a certain Naruto, who was getting a bit agitated. He had woken early and skipped breakfast, so he wasn't in the best of moods.

Sakura and Sasuke were on the same boat, but were slightly less vocal about it then he was, while Sasuke just endured silently.

As Naruto was contemplating how long was the sentence one had to serve for homicide, the subject of his frustrations appeared with a puff of smoke.

"Sorry for the delay! An old lady-" he began, before he was cut off by his two more, rambunctious students.

"You're late!"

"I know, I know, I just got sidetracked on the road of life."

"I don't care what woman you screwed! I just want to get on with the exam!"

Kakashi was at a loss for words. Never before had he met a crasser character. Actually, he had, Anko was pretty bad too sometimes.

"Ahem. Okay. I suppose you're all anxious to pass this test?"

"Of course!"

"The test is simple enough, you have until this alarm rings at noon," he explained, indicating an alarm that previously wasn't in his hands, "To get these two bells from me. The ones who get the bells shall pass!"

"Um, sensei? Why are there only two bells when there are three of us?" asked a confused Naruto

"Yes!"

His answer only served to befuddle him even more.

"It's obvious, Naruto-baka, only two of us can pass this exam! And those two will be me and Sasuke-kun!"

"Like hell!"

A cough interrupted them before they could really go at it. "As an added incentive to come at me, I have prepared lunch for everyone. I presume you all didn't eat your breakfast like I told you?"

He was met with a chorus of nods and growling stomachs.

"Splendid! Then the one who fails his exam shall be tied to a post and forced to watch as I eat his lunch!"

"Now, if there aren't any other questions, shall we begin? And remember, come at me with the intent to kill, else you won't make any progress!"

"But sensei! We could seriously hurt you!"

Kakashi had to suppress his laughter. A bunch of Genin hurting him? A highly trained, Jonin-level shinobi? It was a thought that would put most people in stitches. It seemed Kakashi had forgotten what had happened a mere day ago.

"Trust me, you won't."

"Now... Hajime!"

As he uttered those words, Sakura and Sasuke quickly dispersed, off to hide in the foliage.

'Oh, this should be interesting' thought Kakashi as his most volatile student had apparently decided to take a more direct approach.

Recalling, perhaps for the best, what had transpired in their last meeting, he was slightly on guard.

"Naruto, shouldn't you be hiding?"

"Screw that! A Hokage would never hide! Kakashi-sensei, I hope you're ready for my new, ultimate technique!" bellowed an excited Naruto.

* * *

 **And done! Sorry for the cliffhanger, but I just felt like it was a good place to finish off. I was actually planning to end it at the team assignments, but oh well. Goddamn this chapter took a long time to write, I got sidetracked so many times. Fucking Youtube. Anyways, I'm sorry for the _very_ long delay of nearly a month, I'll try not to make them so long, but I hope you enjoyed it! As always, review, don't, share, don't. I can't be bothered to tell you what to do. Author out!**


	6. Testing Things

**Hey guys, new chapter, check it out.**

* * *

"Kakashi! I hope you're ready!" yelled Naruto, "You're gonna be the first person to taste my new technique!"

Kakashi only levelled a gaze at the young boy, obviously disregarding Naruto as a threat before reaching into his kunai pouch and taking out a... Was that a book? It seemed that Kakashi really didn't view Naruto as a threat.

The blond in question didn't take too kindly to the insult.

"Don't you underestimate me, Kakashi-sensei!" he exclaimed

"Could you keep it down, Haruhi-chan is about to confess her love to Sorata-kun." was his reply.

"Don't say I didn't warn you! Here we go!"

Naruto did a strange hand seal, putting his palms together with his fingers pointing outwards, and started to gather chakra. A shit ton of chakra.

"Kame..."

The scarecrow paused his reading, disturbed by the amount of chakra Naruto seemed to have. At the level he was at now, he easily beat most chunin.

"Hame..."

The chakra that Naruto was channelling started to become visible, swirling around him in a cloud of blue, enshrouding him. His body shook at the tremendous effort needed to gather and maintain the ridiculous mass of chakra.

Across the clearing, Kakashi was starting to get worried. How did a genin have so much chakra? He had almost surpassed jounin-level for fuck's sake. Any higher and he'd be at kage-level stores! He could physically feel the chakra that laced the air, filling him with energy. If his prospective student's technique actually worked, it might have enough force to level the whole field! He had to stop him.

But alas, it was too late, for Naruto had already completed the technique. He channelled all of his chakra to his hands and prepared to launch his attack.

" _Ha!_ " was Naruto's cry.

Kakashi could only brace himself and wait for the impact of whatever it was that was about to hit him.

The chakra that was in Naruto's hands started to condense then expand, glowing a brighter blue before finally... disappearing in a puff of smoke.

"What the shit?" said Naruto, looking down at his hands, "Aw man! I screwed up! And after all of this time! Days spent in my room practising, all gone to waste! _God fucking dammit!"_

* * *

'Naruto... What. The. Fuck,' up in the foliage, his teammates were having similar thoughts about their... Special companion.

* * *

"Maybe I didn't put enough chakra in it?" he pondered aloud, "Or maybe..."

He wandered off on his thoughts for a few moments before realizing where he was.

"Oh crap! Kakashi-sensei!" he exclaimed, looking up, where he was met with the sight of a Kakashi crouched at the edge of the clearing, sulking to himself.

"Stupid brat, won't even take this test seriously..." he mumbled to himself.

"..." Naruto sweat dropped at his teacher's odd behaviour, "Kakashi-sensei? Don't we have a test?"

"Oh, so _now_ he wants to take his test, instead of fucking around," muttered the silver haired jonin, "Alright! So, now let's _actually_ begin. Unless you want to waste any more of my time?" that last part was said with a glare, needless to say.

Naruto chuckled nervously, "Yea...Haha."

"Ninja Lesson number One! The art of Taijutsu!" Kakashi suddenly barked out, getting down into a fighting stance, hand once again reaching down into his kunai pouch for his most precious object.

"Goddammit, sensei! Don't go all serious on me then pull out that shit!" yelled Naruto upon seeing the orange pornog- literature.

"If you want me to go serious, you're going to have to earn it," the man replied.

Those words would be his damnation.

* * *

Now let it be said, when Naruto prepares for something, he doesn't do it half-assed, handful of failed exams aside. So when Kakashi had said to meet up at Training Grounds 3, Naruto had decided to scope the place out. It was standard procedure to stake out a potential prank area, or in this case, battle ground.

And what Naruto saw, Naruto liked. A luscious, green forest surrounding a clearing of grass and dirt speckled with training dummies and the like. So many things to blow sky high.

After taking a few notes and marking a few areas, he decided to retire early that day, eager to get started on his pran- preparation.

And so, the next day, at 4 in the morning, Naruto got up and started to plan, scheme, construct and trap.

* * *

' _How many fucking darts does this kid have?!'_ Kakashi frantically thought, dodging said instruments of impalement that were directed towards a, _special place_ , ' _And why is he always aiming for my smoke bombs?!_ "

Smoke bombs here being a metaphor for his testi- You know what, never mind.

It had been a harrowing past hour for Kakashi. The moment he had finished his damning sentence, the boy had exploded.

He'd heard of Naruto's 'Hidden Surprise Clone no jutsu' but he hadn't expected them to be so... volatile, as attested by the 50 foot wide crater that had almost claimed his reputation.

He shuddered at the thought, him, the great Kakashi of the Sharingan, bested by a wannabe shinobi! He'd never hear the end of it at the bars.

* * *

He and Naruto did engage in Taijutsu, Naruto taking an unconventional meaning on the term, one man army. He had, quite literally, made an army of just him. The quiet, peaceful atmosphere that occupied the forest was abruptly disrupted by the war cries of "For the hoard!", "I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!" and the omnipresent " _Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck!_ " The clones were quick work for Kakashi, whom easily disposed of the whole lot in about 10 seconds flat.

"Well, shit," was the articulate reaction of Naruto.

"Language, Naruto," lightly scolded his temporary teacher. He never learnt his lessons.

After that, it was a clusterfuck of explosive tags, clones, and sharp, pointy things. Naruto would constantly barrage him with kunai armed with explosive tags, forcing him to dodge nearly every thirty seconds. And every time he'd land somewhere, it seemed that Naruto had planned his arrival, because there was always a trap waiting for him. A pit lined with explosives, trip mines, nets with explosive tags, poisoned darts and senbon needles, a fucking falling log, and on one memorable occasion, an exploding duck. He was starting to get Naruto's theme, and it involved all things that go boom.

Many curses on the inventor of explosive tags were uttered that day.

* * *

When he wasn't being peppered with darts or explosives, the bundle of chakra would send in clones, indiscriminately making both shadow and explosive ones, necessitating Kakashi to keep his distance. They all seemed to wield rusty, sharp objects in which they seemed dead set on forcibly inserting into his body. It seemed like they had forgotten the actual goal of the test, and just wanted to eviscerate him. It was a tiny bit worrying, come to think of it.

Naruto himself seemed to have gotten his hands on a scythe and he was swinging it wildly, cackling madly and rambling on about how he was death incarnate. Kakashi would have to get in touch with Maito Gai about teaching his students not to leave potentially dangerous weapons laying around. And also talk about _never_ arranging a meeting between Naruto and Tenten. A limb was sure to be lost that day.

* * *

Finally, after what seemed to be an eternity, it ended. There were no more traps, no more clones, and _Thank Kami_ , no more exploding trees.

Kakashi was panting, not heavily mind you, but it was obvious that the little work-out had winded him a bit.

Naruto, for his part, was standing in the middle of the clearing, smiling wildly. It was to be expected though, the boy _did_ have more energy than a rabbit hopped up on crack and caffeine.

"Alright, Naruto. Let's have a real spar, no Ninjutsu, no Fuinjutsu, nothing but Taijutsu, okay?" he declared.

"You got it, sensei!" Naruto replied.

Taking a second to compose himself, Kakashi let Naruto sprint towards him, intent on testing the lad's skill on pure Taijutsu. After a few kicks and punches, it was painfully obvious that the boy was lacking in that department. Without the use of ruses or distractions, Naruto didn't really have any real skill in Taijutsu, he didn't even seem to have a style, he just brawled.

* * *

Naruto was giving it his all, using all of his feints and dupes, trying to land a hit on the man. His efforts were always met with a fist or a leg. He was starting to get frustrated. After a particularly complex combo of his, combo here meaning wildly flailing his limbs in the hopes of distracting the man, was thwarted, he had had enough.

"That's it, fuck this! A real ninja doesn't only focus on Taijutsu! Exploding-!"

' _Oh hell no!_ ' thought Kakashi, before quickly dashing behind Naruto, hoping to intercept him before he could finish his sentence.

"Ninja tip number one, never let your opponent get behind you," he solemnly declared before flashing through some hand seals and ending on the Tiger seal.

* * *

'That's the hand seal for fire Jutsu! Is sensei trying to kill Naruto?!' thought Sakura. Sasuke couldn't give less of a shit if Naruto got hurt.

His previously forgotten teammates were present from the very beginning of the "spar", and they went through a wide variety of emotions throughout, from grudging admiration and downright awe during the whole trap sequence to plain disappointment during the pitiful display that was Naruto's Taijutsu spar.

* * *

"Now is my time for revenge!" shouted Kakashi, "Shinobi Lesson number Two! The art of Ninjutsu! _Konohagakure's Most Secret and Sacred Technique: One Thousand Years of Death!_ " before unceremoniously shoving his fingers into Naruto's young, tender hole at Mach 7 speeds. Needless to say, Naruto was out of the fight and _very_ sore.

'What the _fuck_ ,' thought the remaining students, hands unconsciously going towards their own derrières.

* * *

Kakashi was getting back his breath, he was feeling a bit tired after the whole fight. Sighing in relief, he took out his precious, which he had stored away at the beginning in case it got damaged.

'Now's my chance!' thought Sasuke, 'I'll get him while he's distracted!'

The jounin heard a whistling in the air, before a fist occupied the space that his face previously had.

' _Oh for fuck's-_ ' he started, before he was cut off by a kick.

He was prevented from making any comments as he was forced to fend off a flurry of kicks and punches.

'This one's actually not that bad!' he almost shed a tear right then and there, 'I won't be able to read my book at this rate.'

As they exchanged hits, the rhythm of the spar kicked up a notch, and soon they were all but a blur to Sakura.

'They're all so _incredible!_ ' she thought.

* * *

Their spar waged on for a few minutes until Sasuke came dangerously close to grabbing one of the bells before being he had to disengage else a punch would've knocked out his teeth.

'He might actually have a chance at succeeding,' thought Kakashi.

He noticed that the avenger had just finished a hand seal sequence, and was about to launch an attack.

'Let's see how this goes,' the cyclops thought.

" _Fire Style: Fireball Jutsu_!"

' _What the fuck is up with these kids and their usage of chunin-level techniques?!_ ' was Kakashi very valid speculation.

The flames emitting from Sasuke's mouth were abruptly cut off with a "No." as Kakashi smacked him on the side of the neck, incapacitating him.

He turned to look directly at Sakura's hiding spot, before shouting out, "Ninja Lesson number Three! The art of Genjutsu!"

Her scream, it was said, could be heard all across the village, from the Hokage Monument to its oversized gates.

In a clearing, a ringing could be heard.

* * *

"It pains me to say, but you all failed," said a solemn Kakashi to the trio. Naruto was tied to a post, Sakura and Sasuke were by his sides. He seemed to be struggling to find a comfortable way to sit down.

"Seeing as to how you guys didn't seem to grasp the _true_ meaning of this test, I'll let you have a second go at it, after you've all eaten. However, since Naruto was such a pain in the as-, I mean is the one who ultimately made you fail, he is forbidden to have even a bite of food. Got it?"

He was met with a chorus of "Yes" and disappeared with an eye smile.

"Man, this is so unfair! Sasuke fucked up as much as I did!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Shut it," Sasuke bluntly replied.

The blond didn't even have the energy to reply, and just continued to whine.

A clump of rice was proffered to him, held by a lightly blushing Sakura.

"Here, you're going to need it more than me... Besides, I won't be much help for the team..." she said.

"Sakura-chan..." Naruto said in a reverent tone.

"Hnn. She's right, as much as it pains me to say if we're going to take Kakashi down, you'll need all the energy you can get," said the onyx-haired boy, offering part of his own meal.

"Sasuke-teme, even you..." Naruto whispered, "You guys are the best!"

He happily took the food offered and started to energetically chew and swallow, before he had to stave off his choking and near heart attack. Kakashi had appeared out of nowhere

" _You guys..._ " thundered a furious looking Kakashi, as thunder helpfully thundered in the now somber sky.

" _All_ ," he continued as the screams of children and women filled the heavy atmosphere as the deep rumbling of demons echoed throughout the night air. The world seemed devoid of hope, death was everything scything left and right, reaping the souls of his victims as the world that Naruto loved so much burned down in flames and all whom he loved, the few that they were, died in slow, painful agony. The sky was pitch black and the earth was shaking whilst the winds howled and hammered upon windows and doors. Off in the distance, thunder clouds could be heard as lightning pierced the dark skies. It was pure chaos, fires were spreading and ducks were being send flying off into oblivion clad in pink tutus and tiaras. Perhaps that last bit was caused by Naruto's brain as it hallucinated from the lack of blood as it stopped flowing from the near stroke he had at the sudden appearance and roaring of Kakashi.

" _Pass,"_ Kakashi finished with an eye smile, the world becoming suddenly all sunshine and unicorn shit.

"I'm sorry what?" asked Sakura.

" _Are you trying to fucking kill me or something?!_ " yelled a coughing Naruto.

"You say something?" Kakashi replied, looking up from his book conjured from who knows where.

"Sensei, what do you mean by we pass?" asked Sakura.

"Well, you see, my cute little genin, the whole point of this test wasn't to see if you were adept enough at the ninja arts to become genin, but rather if you could all work together as a team. The reason why there were only two bells was to discourage teamwork and see if you look underneath the underneath. I was planning on failing you all, but decided to give you one last chance by offering you the choice to either help your teammate or damn him," Kakashi helpfully explained.

"I guess that makes sense," Naruto muttered.

"Indeed it does! Now come, I have something I want to show you," Kakashi declared.

* * *

He lead them down a pathway, that eventually ended in a clearing near Training Ground Three. In the middle of the clearing, a large obelisk shaped in the form of the blade of a kunai could be seen.

"Gather round, my little ducklings," he said, eye smiling at Sasuke before continuing on a more somber tone, "This here is the Memorial Stone, it has the names of all the shinobi who did the greatest service to this village."

"Really?! I want to have my name in it!" proclaimed Naruto.

"I hope you never do, Naruto, all of these shinobi died in service for the village," replied Kakashi.

"Well never you fucking mind then," Naruto hastily said.

"I brought you all here to teach you your first lesson as your teacher: Those who break the rules are scum, but those who abandon their comrades are worse than scum," the silver haired man said, "Never forget this lesson, and you shall go far in your shinobi career. Now, on that cheerful note, congratulations on becoming Genin, meet me at the Hokage Tower at 7 AM to get your first mission!"

"Alright! Finally! I'm so excited!" whooped an ecstatic Naruto.

"Why would you be excited, Naruto? They're only D-rank missions," Kakashi replied with a smile.

" _Oh, you fucking ass-_ "

"Naruto, language," Kakashi lightheartedly reprimanded.

Naruto, it would be told, continued to cuss and curse for a fortnight and half, before finally calming down.

 **And done! We just surpassed 15k words! Yay. Also 900 viewers, so that's nice. To clear some things up, no this is not a Sakura bashing fic, I'm just presenting her as the manga/anime did during the first few chapters. If you didn't already notice, this isn't a really _serious_ fanfic, so yea, anyways! Leave a review, or don't blah blah blah, thanks for reading! Author out!**


	7. Mission Things and Training Things

**Hey guys, been a while, I know. I've been really busy with [insert long and educational explanation]. Anyways, thanks for the reviews! This chapter, and probably a couple others will be more fillers because I feel like I need to further Naruto's character, or whatever. Also I'm not the best at fight scenes, so yea. More details at the end of this chapter. Story go!**

* * *

It was the day after the bell test and Naruto was on his way to the Hokage Tower to report for his first mission. It seemed he had forgotten the fact that a Genin team usually only takes on D-rank and the occasional C-rank missions, the poor, naive bastard.

As he walked down the market streets, ignoring the glares that the few early morning villagers sent his way, he heard a shrill scream of a dying whale, and the clatter of pans and other various metallic objects, briefly followed up by a brown cat hauling ass like a bat out of hell. The whole event lasted but a few moments, before all was back to normal with only a trail of dust to indicate the passage of the frantic animal.

'How strange,' thought Naruto, 'Oh well, not my problem!' Oh, the poor, _poor_ bastard.

* * *

We find the blond menace stood before the Hokage Towers doors. Taking a deep breath, he readied himself for what was to come.

'Alright! My first day as a shinobi, don't be nervous, Naruto, this is what you've trained for!' he pumped himself up, before kicking open the doors and boisterously exclaiming, "Good morning, Jiji! Naruto Uzumaki, reporting for duty!"

All eyes turned to the walking eardrum torturer that is Naruto as he noticed his dumbfounded sensei and teammates. They were currently in front of the Hokage, obviously waiting for him to get their mission. Completely oblivious to the scores of stares send his way, he waved at his team and made his way towards them.

"Good morning, everyone!" he greeted, and was met with silence. Finally noticing the looks that both the people around him and his own team were sending him, he checked himself for any discrepancies, thinking that maybe his fly was undone.

"Is there something on my face?" he asked. The stares just intensified.

'What a...'

'Fucking...'

'Moron,' was the general thought shared by everyone present.

Kakashi coughed, trying valiantly to disperse the awkward tension.

"Well, now that everyone's here, how about we get started on today's mission? You guys must be excited, it's not everyday that you have your first mission!" he said, clapping his hands together and quickly turning to the Hokage, who'd been patiently watching the whole scene unfold.

The Hokage was seated at a table at the far end of the room alongside Iruka. Clad in his Hokage robes and matching hat, he made an imposing and venerable impression on all who saw him. It was all a ploy to get more business. A respectable business needed a respectable leader, and the Hokage needed to fill in that role. The hustle and bustle of the coming and goings of numerous ninja teams put up the front that Konohagakure was an efficient and battle ready village. It attracted costumers and scared away potential enemy spies. The presence of the Hokage just furthered those effects.

"Yes, well," said the Hokage, "Everyone but you on your team has registered as official ninjas. So if you would kindly hand over your Shinobi Registration form?"

"Sure thing, Hokage-jiji!" replied Naruto, digging into his numerous pockets for the papers.

"Respect your elders and leaders, Naruto you idiot!" said Iruka, smacking the blond's head with the mission scroll, "Now hand over your papers."

"Yeah, yeah, here. And there's no need to be so rough, that scroll is heavy!" Naruto grumbled.

"I hope to Kami that you took the registration seriously..."

The Hokage was hoping so too. After all, those papers, along with the disclosed information and photos, would be the source for any and all data until the boy made Chunin. That meant from the moment Naruto handed his scroll, to the time he gets promoted, that information would be used for the Shinobi Archives, future registrations, and if he so happened to gain a place in them, bingo books. Surely, despite his childish nature, Naruto would take this one thing seriously.

"Urk!" was the sound made by Iruka after briefly checking the contents of the scroll.

Apparently, the Hokage was mistaken, judging by the sound of Iruka chocking on his saliva.

"What is it, Iruka-san? Something wrong with Naruto's papers?" asked the Hokage.

"You'll see..." mumbled the poor man, handing over the scroll with trembling hands. After passing the document, Iruka closed his eyes and took a deep breath, obviously trying to not break down and throttle a certain prankster.

* * *

Curious as to what would have the young man in such a condition, the Hokage unfurled the scroll, and when his eyes landed on what it held, he had to stop himself from howling with laughter. It seemed that the word 'subtlety' didn't exist in Naruto's vocabulary, as he went with the most flamboyant way of taking his Shinobi registration form photograph. The eldest Sarutobi had expected that in a way, maybe some war paint, but as always, Naruto took things a step further.

He had indeed gone for the war paint look, with red and black markings swirling and weaving an intricate dance of colours on his face, neck and hands. It made him look slightly more menacing, well as menacing as a 4'7" boy could be, the Hokage would freely admit to that. What had him stifling his laughter were the added 'effects' the boy made. Directly behind the boy was a giant fireball of flames and smoke, with him being the probable cause if one was to deduce what with the explosive tags and maniacal face the boy donned. In the corner of the photo, the terrified and pleading face of the photographer could be seen, clearly screaming in abject horror. It would've made for an intimidating image if it wasn't for Naruto being in the classic 'Good Guy' pose, legs akimbo and hand extended in a thumbs up.

* * *

"You have a rather... Unique photography style, Naruto..." said the Hokage.

"Thanks, Hokage-jiji! I spent a lot of time deciding what to do! It was a really hard decision!" replied Naruto.

"Was it now?" chuckled the old man.

"Yep, it was either that, or sacrificing a goat. I couldn't decide what would exude a more dangerous vibe," continued the boy.

"Is that so?" deadpanned the Hokage.

As he continued to read the form, it was becoming increasingly harder for the esteemed leader to control his mirth. Finally finishing, he schooled his features and looked up to the hopeful boy.

"Naruto, there are some parts of the form that are... Questionable. Are you certain you're alright with this final version?" asked the leader.

"What do you mean?" replied the blond.

"Well, for hobbies, you put "blowing shit sky high, setting fire to tall grass and pranking assholes". For aspirations, you put "becoming the best damn Hokage there ever was, and shitting on all my opponents"..." here the Hokage glanced up again, "That's some pretty foul language, Naruto..."

"It's not stipulated that you had to keep it PG. I'm a ninja, goddamnit!" was his ever so smart reply.

"I supposed you're right... Continuing on, for skills, you put "making things go boom, fucking some 'serious shit up', traps, fuinjutsu, and knitting". Wait. Knitting?"

"Well, I need something to keep me occupied when I can't train!"

"Yes, well... Anyways, are you certain you want this version of your form?" the Hokage asked.

"Hell yea! I can only look so badass so many times!" was the idiot's reply.

"I see... Very well..." Even if he wanted to say otherwise, there wasn't much the Hokage could do. The registration forms were free for the graduate to interpret and fill. Naruto had filled every section correctly, albeit in a more crass way than is usual. Besides, it might make Naruto's opponents underestimate him.

"Now that that's cleared, how about we get to your mission for today?" said the Hokage.

"Hell yeah!" exclaimed the boy.

He was joined in by the enthusiastic "Hnn" of a dark haired boy, and muffle squeal of excitement from a pinkette. Kakashi merely smiled, or rather, eye smiled, knowing what was to come for his team of cute little genin.

"Hokage-sama? If I may assign the mission for this team?" asked the recently recovered Iruka. He saw the perfect opportunity to take revenge on Naruto for all the times they boy pranked him.

"Of course, Iruka-san, be my guest," replied the elder, who obviously knew what he was planning.

At the downright malicious smile that Iruka sent his way, Naruto couldn't help but feel nervous.

'Why does it feel like I might die today?' wondered the boy.

* * *

"This is Golden boy, calling Fuckboy McGee and Chalk-On-A-Blackboard, do you copy?" a certain blond said into his radio. He was seated on a tree limb, trying to discern if his target was nearby. Damn thing snuck up on him and nearly killed him twice.

"Naruto! Stop insulting Sasuke-kun! And use our proper code names!" shrieked Chalk-On-A-Blackboard into her microphone, nearly rupturing Naruto's eardrum on the other side.

"But they're stupid!" he replied.

"Now, now, Naruto. I spent long nights trying to come up with those names," Kakashi radioed in and intterupted.

"Fine," Naruto grumbled, "This is... Goldilocks... Calling in for Avenger and Bubblegum... Kami, these suck pure ass... Do you have eyes on the target?"

"See? Isn't that better?" Naruto could practically feel the annoying smile that was adorning his sensei's face.

"One day, I swear, I'm going to burn all of his precious books..." the boy muttered.

"Bubblegum here, I have eyes on the target. Located approximately 50 feet away from your current position, Goldilocks. Target is 80 feet away from Avenger," Sakura informed the team.

"Alright, Goldilocks, you're closest to the target, engage when the chance arises," Kakashi said.

"Roger that, Cyclops..." Naruto sighed back.

Their target had eluded them for the better part of the day, somehow managing to escape Naruto's clutches on three separate occasions. They were small, fast, and incredibly lethal. Naruto would need to be ready for this encounter. The team had tracked them into the woods that surrounded the village and were on the verge of capturing them.

"Explosive tags, check, kunai, check, net, check, napalm, check, coat hanger, check," Naruto listed, "This is Goldilocks, about to engage the target in...Three... Two...One!"

"I got you now!" he exclaimed jumping out of his hiding place and barraging the target with rigged kunai.

The rest of the team could only sweatdrop at the excessive amounts of explosions that soon followed.

* * *

"Target acquired!" said an exuberant Naruto, restraining a small bundle of smoking brown fur. Said target was currently hissing, scratching and biting anything in close vicinity. Naruto was covered in scratch marks and bleeding profusely, but he was happy to have finally captured the little fucker.

It had taken Team Seven nigh on 6 hours to capture the feline, and even then, it had been an uphill battle.

"Good work, you guys! Alright, time to report back to the Hokage!" Kakashi said to his scratched and dirtied team. He, of course, didn't have a speck of dust on his person.

"Fire...Books..." Naruto muttered.

"Here, Sasuke, you hold him... If I get scratched one more time, I swear I'll be wearing a cat fur scarf," Naruto declared, passing over Tora to the avenger.

"Hnn..." said the boy, followed by a more pained "Hnn!" after the cat proceeded to scratch the living shit out of his face.

* * *

"So, the mission was a success, was it?" rhetorically asked the Hokage.

"Hai, Hokage-sama, Team Seven has successfully captured and returned Tora the cat to its owner, madam Shijimi, wife of the Fire Daimyo," replied Kakashi, keeping a close eye on his team, fearing that they might snap and kill the feline.

Said feline was currently in the hands of its owner, having the life squeezed out of it as the woman enthusiastically hugged her poor pet. The duo were being looked upon by Team Seven with vindictive gazes.

Kakashi could hear their mutterings from across the room, "Yes, suffer, _suffer!_ "

It was quite worrisome really.

"Well, good job!" said the Hokage, handing over a scroll, "This scroll contains the mission's pay."

"Arigato, Hokage-sama," Kakashi bowed.

* * *

As the team was exiting the building, a familiar screech reached the ears of Naruto, " _Tora!_ ", followed by said cat hauling ass out of the tower.

'Aw, _fuck me,_ " thought Naruto, 'Iruka, I'm going to make your life a living hell for this...'

* * *

Back a Training Ground Three, the silver haired man was having a team meeting. They were sat in a circle in the middle of a clearing, looking more like an odd family than a group of trained killers.

"You guys did great today!" he exclaimed, "You guys worked well together, to a certain extent, and you accomplished the mission fairly quick."

"Damn right we did. After all, the next Hokage is on this team!" yelled Naruto.

"In your dreams," was the whispered comment of a certain onyx-eyed boy.

"The fuck you say? You want to start something, Sasuke-teme?" growled Naruto.

Kakashi decided to defuse the situation before it degraded to a fistfight, or worse, "Alright, settle down. I'm not done giving my report."

Naruto backed away from Sasuke, but not before giving him a threatening glare.

"As I was saying, you guys did well, but there are a few things that need improvement. Sasuke, you need to learn to work more as a team. You're not a lone wolf anymore, you have people who depend on you for their well being. Sakura, you need to raise your chakra reserves and stamina. I notice that you were winded within the first hour, and that won't do when we're on long missions. Thankfully, today's training should help that a bit. And Naruto, you need to tone down the explosions, you could seriously hurt someone. That's why I'm limiting you to using only D-rank explosive tags unless you're in a life threatening situation. In addition, you need to refine your chakra control because honestly, it's crap right now," Kakashi informed them, "Now, let's get to training shall we?"

"Oh, piss _right off_ ," muttered Naruto, not expecting to be heard.

"What's that, Naruto? You're volunteering to do 100 pushups? How diligent of you!" exclaimed a too-happy Kakashi.

"What, no! I didn't-" sputtered the boy.

"An extra 200! Wow, you really are dedicated to your dream!"

"Shit..." groaned the blond.

"Now, everyone, on the ground! Let's get started!"

* * *

Kakashi had his team work on their physical strength and endurance. He was confident on the boys abilities and it was more for Sakura's benefit that he did so. He'd go into the basics of chakra control and manipulation on a later date, when he felt that they were ready. He'd stick with pushups, situps and the like for a while, if only to prepare them for what was to come.

Kakashi called over the young teens, interrupting them from their tor- training, "That was good! You all did surprisingly well for your first day as genin! We'll have a meeting here tomorrow, at 7 AM sharp. Don't be late!" dismissed Kakashi before blurring away.

"That's rich coming from him," commented Naruto, "Well, I'm beat. I'm going to go grab a bite to eat at Ichiraku's Ramen stand, you guys wanna join me?"

"Hnn," said the rock.

"Hell no, Naruto-baka!" screeched the rusty brakes.

"Alright... No need to be so harsh..."

* * *

After going to get a late supper, Naruto retired to his apartment, exhausted from the day's activities.

"God, I hope I never have to deal with that again..." thought Naruto aloud, "If only there was a way to restrain the thing..."

"Wait... That's it! Ohohoho, what an idea!" Naruto, it seemed, just had a brilliant idea. Whipping his bedsheets off of him, he quickly grabbed his ink and paper and started to conjure up a new seal.

"Next time we meet, you little fucker, I'll be ready!"

 **And done! Yea, sorry if that chapter didn't really have a plot, I just felt like I was going too quickly and giving Naruto too many powers in too little time. And so, the next few chapters will be more training then anything. Also, sorry about the long update times, I just didn't feel inspired to write. I'll try to keep updates consistent, maybe once every 2 weeks, but no promises. If the fight scenes seem a bit rushed, well, it's because I'm not the best at those. On a more happy note, we just passed 20k words! Yay. 30 follows, and 20 favourites. I'd like to thank every single one of you who took the time out of their day to leave a review. Even if it was just a "Good Job" or a "I hope you burn in hell, motherfucker" The fact that you went out of your way to do so fills me with joy. Anyways, longest Author's note to date, so leave a review don't, etc, etc... Author out!**


	8. Explaining Things

**Hey guys! It's me again (no shit) bringing you another thrilling (not really) instalment of The Tag Goes Boom! I promised to try and make this an every other week update, and so I did. I would've updated sooner, but some very adult things kept me busy (read: porn) and I got sidetracked a lot (read: porn) Another filler chapter, sue me.**

 **Story go!**

Kakashi was observing his most volatile student from a tree with an increasing degree of concern. Naruto was sat on the ground, his back facing the his teammates, rubbing his hands together and muttering something under his breath.

"I'll get you this time you fucking cat, just you wait... And when I do..." here he broke into psychotic laughter.

'I really need to get him to a psychologist...' thought Kakashi, 'Something is _not_ right with the boy...'

Team seven was once again assembled at Training Ground Three, waiting for Kakashi to appear. Sasuke was counting and organizing his kunai pouch, Sakura was staring at him in a manner that most certainly warranted a restraining order, and Naruto... Well, Naruto was being Naruto.

Naruto continued to laugh, a terrifying and terrible laugh that promised pain. It went on and on, never faltering in tone or volume. It started to disconcert his two other teammates, who wondered if the boy was even mentally stable, which he wasn't.

Kakashi decided to spare his two relatively sane students of any future torture and made his entrance.

"Yo!" he exclaimed, shunshing right behind Naruto and clapping a hand on his shoulder. Naruto shrieked and then exploded, leaving Kakashi with singed eyebrows and his hand hovering over empty space.

'What... I think I just killed my student...' was his thought process.

"Kakashi-sensei! What did you do?!" shouted Sakura.

"I... I don't know! I just said hello and he fucking blew up! Oh god, how am I going to explain this to the Hokage?! I'm too young to die! I haven't finished the Icha Icha series!" panicked an uncharacteristically frantic and emotional Kakashi, thinking about his upcoming death by impromptu Doton jutsu rammed up the ass.

His thoughts of death by various means of increasing morbidity were interrupted by a boisterous laughter originating from the forest.

"I got you Kakashi-sensei!" exclaimed a blond boy, jumping out from the foliage.

"You! You're dead! I killed you!" screamed Kakashi.

"Nope, that was only my Hidden Surprise Clone no Jutsu."

"You're not dead... I'm going to live!" Kakashi let out a shout of joy at being able to continue reading his favourite series and not dying by improvised spit roasting. He quickly calmed down at the looks of shock from his students.

"Ahem... Yes well... Naruto?" Kakashi reverted to his usual weird self, "I have a question..."

"Yes?" the boy answered.

"Just _how_ in the name of all seven circles of hell did you pull off that stunt?" the silver haired man asked with an all-too calm voice.

"Easy! My clone was there since the beginning!" was the simple explanation.

Kakashi nearly face-vaulted at that, 'Bested by a genin... Kami I hope no one ever hears of this...'

"And just _why_ did you that?" was the next question."

"Because I could!" was his educative reply.

"You blond fucking idiot..." Kakashi muttered, clasping his head in his hands in despair at the pure idiocy that is his shortest student. Looking up, he noticed the corner of a sleeping bag peeking out fro the bush Naruto popped out of, "How long have you been here, Naruto?"

"Ehe... 2 AM? I was-" Naruto started to explain before being interrupted by the sound of Kakashi smacking his head against a tree.

After Kakashi finally calmed down to rationally think, he asked a question that he seemed to have uttered for the umpteenth time that day, "And _why_ were you at the Training Ground at 2 _in the goddamn morning?_ "

"I was testing out my new seal! It's so fucking cool!" replied Naruto.

"Is it now?" deadpanned the ex-Anbu,

* * *

 _Flashback! (I'm a terrible person.)_

The forest of Konohagakure was a peaceful place at night, filled with chirping of crickets, the hoots of howls and the pained exclamation of " _Shit!"_ from a blond idiot as he traversed the dark terrain.

"Fucking trees, how dare they grow for hundreds of years to smack me on the forehead" grumbled Naruto, rubbing a growing bump on the beforehand mentioned part of his body resulting from him running into a _very_ low hanging branch.

He finally reached his destination, the clearing that his team used as a meeting place. It was bathed in moonlight and clearly illuminated.

"Alright! This'll do perfectly!" he said, pulling out a stack of papers from his backpack. Pulling the first one from the top, he walked to the middle of the clearing and placed it on the ground. He formed his hands into a cross, and summoned a kagebunshin.

"Damn, I love this jutsu," Naruto commented.

"Damn straight," replied his doppelganger.

He remembered the first time he used the jutsu, he damn near shit his pants. He was _not_ expecting a duplicate of himself to appear. That first clone, needless to say, had a very short life. But after he discovered that the clones were actually solid, the implications and possibilities made him giddy.

"Alright, you know what to do," he told his copy.

"Hai!" they replied before sprinting off into the forest.

While his clone was busy with his task, Naruto knelt down and inspected the seal. Satisfied with the quality of its components, he channelled some chakra into the paper. The grass around the seal in a meter radius stopped moving.

After a few minutes of waiting, his clone returned to the clearing with a veritable mountain of sticks being dragged behind him.

"Let's get started! Chakra Interrupter Seal test number one is a go!" Naruto declared.

His copy grabbed a stick, before taking aim and throwing it with all of his might at the original, making sure that the trajectory would fly above the seal.

Naruto held his breath, anxious to see if his experiment would be successful at the first try, before having it stolen away by the stick smacking him on the stomach.

"That fucking hurt..." he groaned, "Seems like I need to up the power in the Interrupter component."

Walking over to the seal he had place on the ground, he noticed that it had burnt up.

"Well, that's weird," he commented, "I guess after it uses up all of the chakra in its Storage component, it disintegrates itself."

He headed back to the stack of seals he had placed at the edge of the clearing and grabbed the next one.

"Chakra Interrupter Seal test number two is a go!"

"Fuck!"

This series of events went on for a while, Naruto testing a new seal, his clone throwing a stick at him, him getting hit by said stick and then restarting. He quickly went through the first stack of seals, and the next, and the next...Now one may ask, why the hell was Naruto putting himself in harms way when he could easily just observe from afar. The answer is simple, Naruto believed that pain was the greatest incentive for something to work, and so whenever he tested anything, he'd make sure he'd be the test subject. The amount of nearly lost limbs from his way of thinking were too many to count.

And so that is how, at 4 AM, just a few hours before his meeting with his team, Naruto was sat on the ground covered in bruises that were slowly healing, glaring at his very last seal on the ground.

"You better fucking work, _or I will make your life a living hell_ ," he whispered to the paper, forgetting that he was talking to an inanimate object.

"Alright, Chakra Interrupter Seal test number fuck if I know is a go..." he unenthusiastically said.

His clone, who was as equally exhausted, threw his stick at the boy with the remainder of his energy, before popping out of existence.

Naruto closed his eyes, waiting for the inevitable pain that was to come. When he didn't feel the smack of wood on his bruised and squishy flesh, he slowly opened his eyes. What Naruto saw made him whoop in excitement. The stick the clone had thrown had frozen in place, suspended in the air. Naruto nearly broke down in tears of joy. He reached into the seal's area of effect to grab a hold of the stick, and he noticed that the air in the circle was noticeably more solid, it felt like he was reaching into compacted snow.

"Guess that's how the stick is floating," Naruto commented, before deactivating the seal, "Now, let's get cracking!"

Moving with new found vigour, he ran to his backpack and grabbed a bunch of papers, whipping out variants of the successful seal. He then summoned a group of clones, who were tasked with amassing various objects to be thrown at his person.

Now one may be perplexed as to how the hell any of this was possible. The answer is simple. Naruto made a seal that stopped the flow of chakra. How he did it is a bit more complex. To begin with, he made a basic Chakra Detection seal that was hooked up to an activator component, that in turn was connected to a Chakra Storage component. When the Chakra Detection seal detected enough chakra, it would trigger the activator who would allow chakra to flow from the Chakra Storage component. The Chakra Storage component was hooked up to the main body of the seal, the Interrupter component. What the Interrupter component was, was a bastardized Chakra emitter, that sent out Neutral chakra out in its radius.

A quick lesson on chakra: chakra has many natures, the main ones being Fire, Earth, Wind, Lightning, Nature and Neutral. There are other more special cases, but the ones that represent the five elements are the basis for all elemental jutsu. Nature chakra is the chakra present in the atmosphere and terrain, nature basically, and Neutral chakra is the chakra present in a living being.

How jutsu are performed is that when say a person is doing an elemental jutsu, they would mould their Neutral chakra into the desired nature. Explosive tags work much the same way, they transform Neutral chakra into Fire nature chakra. If the chakra in the person was not Neutral, the results could not be pretty, because what if, say, they had natures that opposed each other? Like fire and water? The chakras would react violently with one another and death would occur, in a most spectacular fashion, think fireworks, but meatier. And thus it was necessary for living beings to have Neutral chakra.

But what does this lengthy explanation have anything to do with Naruto's seal, one may ask themselves. The answer is that Neutral chakra has the capacity, if utilized correctly, to be absorbed by all natures. And so, when the Interrupter sent out the Neutral chakra, it would be absorbed and go against the natural flow of the chakra system. And in theory, it would stop the flow, and thus the object or person.

The problem here was the amount of chakra emitted would have to differ from situation to situation. If it was too strong, it would overpower the flow, if it was too weak, it would be overpowered. It had to be of equal force, because when two objects of equal force collide, they neutralize themselves.

And so, Naruto had to add another Detection component, that would register the amount of chakra in the area and then send the information to the Storage component who would act send out the correct amount of chakra.

In essence, what the seal did was detect chakra, and the amount, send that information to the Interrupter seal, that would emit in accordance and thus stop the thing.

It was all very complicated stuff, and Kami knows how Naruto accomplished the feat.

Naruto tested his new seal vigorously, with various objects like exploding kunai, bigger sticks, a very surprised chipmunk and on a memorable occasion, his Buster seal. The Chakra Interrupter seal almost didn't work.

And thus ends the tale of how Naruto could be found at Training Ground 3 at 2 AM.

 _Flashback end (Don't lynch me)_

* * *

"I see..." trailed Kakashi, "So you made a new seal that suppressed the chakra of objects and people to immobilize them?"

"Yup!" was his exuberant reply.

"Naruto... I'm sure you hear this a lot, but that shouldn't even be _possible,"_ Kakashi said, already feeling the headache that was coming.

"It isn't?" asked Naruto.

"No," Kakashi bluntly answered, "Didn't you read the book on seals the Hokage gave you? The one with the rules of Fuinjutsu?"

"Nope!"

"You really are a fucking idiot..." Kakashi mumbled, "So _can_ your seal actually stop a human being?"

"'fraid not, sensei, it requires too much chakra... I'm already expending an enormous amount on the chakra in the air, but when I can fix that, I should be able to stop humans! I can however, stop any sized stick!" answered Naruto.

"Any sized stick you say?" Kakashi muttered, "Naruto, how about we test the limits of your new seal?"

"Sure!" replied the blond, completely oblivious to sinister undertone of the man's voice.

"Alright, just place your seal down while I go get my 'stick'," instructed Kakashi and quickly disappeared into the forest.

"You got it, boss man!" Naruto happily said, glad that his sensei wasn't too mad at him. He placed his seal on the ground and waited for his teacher's arrival. Loud cracking sounds could be heard from where Kakashi had ventured off into.

"Must be a big stick..." pondered Naruto, "I should be able to handle it, I am the future Hokage after all!"

"Alright Naruto! Let's get testing!" said a very excited Kakashi. Kakashi, it seemed, had a very broad knowledge on what the word 'stick' meant as he had returned with what seemed to be a recently uprooted tree of modest size. Indeed, its roots still had dirt clumped on it, and Naruto could hear the frantic chirping of chicks in their nest from their impromptu moving.

"Um... Sensei, I don't think my-" Naruto started, before being interrupted by Kakashi.

"Nonsense! Now, _catch_." Kakashi said with downright malevolence before throwing the fucking tree à la javelin at Naruto, _completely_ missing the seal.

A scream could be heard across the forest, before being cut off by a loud crash and the screeches of birds.

* * *

"That was mean Sensei..." groaned Naruto from the ground, covered in leaves and bird shit.

"Maybe you shouldn't boast about the power of your seal if you can't back it up..." Kakashi replied, nose buried in his favourite book.

" _I almost fucking died, you thunder cunt!_ " Naruto yelled.

"But you didn't! So I don't know why you're complaining so much," was the uninterested reply.

"Jackass," Naruto mumbled.

"I'm sorry Naruto? Did I just hear you volunteer for 200 squats in today's training?"

Naruto only collapsed on the ground, yelling incomprehensible things into the dirt.

"Now, since that's been resolved," Kakashi said, snapping his book shut, "How about we get around to today's mission?"

Naruto's screaming only intensified into a singular sound that was similar to a certain word that shouldn't be uttered near children, or anyone really.

* * *

"Team seven, your mission today is..." intoned the Hokage.

Team seven were, obviously, at the Hokage Tower to get their daily mission.

"Please don't be Tora. Please be Tora. Please don't be Tora. Please be Tora," whispered Naruto.

The Hokage raised an eyebrow at the boy's sensei, who seemed completely at ease with all that was happening. When he noticed his leader's eyes on his person and the subtle flicker to his student that was contradicting himself, he merely shrugged.

Putting it aside for later, the Hokage continued on, "Will be to help madam Momo with her groceries."

"Fuck yea! Shit," was Naruto's confusing reaction.

"Now get going. Team Seven, dismissed," said the Hokage.

Naruto and company bowed before quickly exiting the building, wanting to finish the mission as soon as possible.

* * *

"Why the fuck does an old lady need so much fucking _talcum powder?!_ " exclaimed an exasperated Naruto.

"Don't ask, don't tell," replied his sensei, once again reading his pornogr- work of art.

"Yeah, yeah..." he grumbled back.

Naruto and his team were currently at the civilian market, buying the groceries for madam Momo. Thankfully, the market didn't smell like shit.

Naruto was lagging behind, carrying an array of bags, boxes and crates. Sasuke and Sakura were only slightly encumbered, what with Naruto taking the brunt of the shopping items.

Kakashi, of course, was carrying nothing.

"I always have to do everything... Fucking assholes," groused Naruto. His griping was interrupted by a commotion ahead.

"What's all this then? Excitement? And I'm not the source of it?" wondered Naruto, "This, I gotta see."

Quickly throwing off everything in an unseemly manner onto the ground, he quickly sprinted off to see what all the hubbub was about. Kakashi just sat on one of the crates, someone had to keep an eye on the clients products.

* * *

Naruto ran to the centre of the civilian square, where some sort of fight seemed to be going on.

It seemed like Team Seven had encountered Team Guy, and the two members of the team with doujutsu seemed to have had a transgression between one another.

Said members comprised of Sasuke and Neji Hyuga, a stuck up boy from the Hyuga clan with rod that, amazingly, had a rod shoved even farther up his ass than Sasuke. The boy was talented in the arts of Taijutsu, considered to be the best of the new genin. He wasn't someone Naruto wanted to tussle with any time soon.

The two boys whose expressive ways combined were the equivalent of a rock, were currently butting foreheads, onxy eyes meeting lavender.

"Hnn," said one rock.

"Hmph," replied the other rock.

The two were in the centre of a circle that the civilians had formed, obviously interested in what was going to happen between the two shinobi.

* * *

Neji's teammates were at the edge of the circle, calmly observing the happenings. They were Tenten and Rock Lee. Tenten was a girl with brown hair tied in a bun with a scroll slung over her back. She had a penchant towards all things pointy and was proficient in most any weapon. Rock Lee was a boy with a bow cut and clad in an atrocious green jumpsuit that made one want to claw their eyes out. He was a loud one.

"YOSH, NEJI! SHOW HIM YOUR YOUTH!" a very loud one.

Sakura was standing beside the duo, seemingly entranced by the erratic wiggling of Lee's eyebrows, who were perhaps his most memorable feature. Indeed, they looked like fuzzy caterpillars had latched onto his face and were now doing the chimichanga.

Naruto sidled over to Sakura, "Hey what's going on?"

"Your teammate bumped into Neji, and now Neji wants an apology, but he won't give him one," answered Tenten, "He's very stubborn, so he is."

"Tell me about it," said Naruto.

"I'm Tenten, nice to meet you," greeted the brunette, putting out a hand to shake.

"Naruto Uzumaki, likewise," he replied, firmly shaking the proffered hand.

Lee took notice as to what was happening right next to him and turned to also greet the newcomer in his... Energetic manner.

"YOSH, NARUTO-SAN! IT IS NICE TO MEET YOU!" Lee yelled before engulfing the shorter boy in a manly hug of youth.

"Nice...To...Meet...You...Too..." chocked out Naruto.

"Lee, inside voice," Tenten reprimanded.

"BUT WE'RE OUTSIDE!" was the loud reply.

" _Do we want a replay of what happened last time, Lee_?" Tenten threatened, bringing out a whip from Kami knows where.

"No, not the whip," whimpered Lee.

"Good, now hush, things are about to get interested," Tenten turned her attention back to the rocks, Naruto doing likewise.

* * *

The duo were still butting foreheads, but then, on an unheard signal, they broke up. Sasuke going down into his clan's Interceptor stance and Neji into his clan's Gentle Fist stance.

Sasuke was the first to move, blurring towards the other boy, a kick aimed for his head. Neji dodged the kick and retaliated with a barrage of strikes aimed for the chest. Sasuke was hard pressed to defend himself. His clan's Taijutsu style was certainly powerful, but it necessitated the Sharingan, something he did not possess. Trying to feint, he aimed a punch for the Hyuga's chest before switching targets to his neck. The other dodged the attack easily, and kicked Sasuke in the chest, sending him flying into a nearby sea food stall.

"Oh no!" Naruto exclaimed, running towards the mess that was once a sea food stall that sold fresh produce.

* * *

Sasuke was struggling to get up, an octopus had taken a liking to his leg and would just not let go. He saw Naruto running towards him.

'Not the blond idiot too,' he thought, but Naruto, it seemed wasn't interested in his downed teammate as he ran right past him and frantically looked through the wreckage for something.

Neji walked up to Sasuke, who was still trying to get rid of the octopus that was starting to explore other areas. "Give up, Uchiha, you are no match for me without your doujutsu," sneered the boy.

"You fucking..." growled Sasuke, about to lodge his fist into the other boy's brain.

"CLAM DOWN!" Naruto screamed.

"What?" both genin said at the same, turning around to see Naruto on his knees in the middle of a puddle holding what seemed to be a sea shell.

"Clam down..." he sobbed, "Don't you worry mate, you'll be alright. You may look a bit clammy, but soon we'll get you all fixed up. Then we'll turn the tide of this battle. I promise I'll get you to your oyster if it's the last thing I do. She'll krill you if you die. Don't talk, don't talk... I can't bear to sea you like this..." Naruto broke down into heaving sobs, unable to hold onto his stream of emotions. The clam, it didn't seem to have it in it, and it died with a shudder, if clams can even shudder.

"He's gone, I was so shoal that he was going to make it..." he cried, clasping the sea food closer to his heart.

"Your teammates a special one ain't he?" commented Tenten

"You don't even know the half of it..." said Sakura, wondering if it was legal to choke a person with sea produce.

Neji looked at the sobbing boy with barely masked contempt before twirling on his feet, and leaving.

"Tenten, Lee, let's go," he called out, and they left, the crowd parting like an ocean.

* * *

"What happened here?" was the timely arrival of Kakashi.

He was quite befuddled, one of his students was frantically trying to dislodge an octopus from going any further up his pants, another was on the ground holding a clam to his chest and wailing, and the last one was holding a clown fish and glaring at the one with the clam.

'What have I gotten myself into?' Kakashi wondered, not for the first nor last time.

* * *

 **And done! Hot fucking damn, near 4k words! Anyways, I promised to update within two weeks and I delivered. First I would like to thank all of you who took the time review (Again) and I would like to answer some questions you guys had. I _will_ be having more interactions with Kurama and hell to the fuck yes, there's going to be a battle between Deidara and Naruto and it will be _glorious_. I am undecided on the pairings, I can't write drama or romance for shit. Thanks for all the follows and favourites, they're all really appreciated!**

 **I tried to include everything in this chapter, fighting, humour and explanations. Sorry if the explanation was boring, but it's going to serve as a primer and major point in the future chapters, but I tried to counteract it with a longer chapter. I'll be adding more techniques to Naruto's arsenal, but slowly. Anyways, happy Valentine's Day, or whenever the fuck you guys are reading this. Leave a review, don't, thanks for reading! Author out!**


	9. Mighty Things

**Hey guys, I'm back, after 2 weeks of inactivity. I'm a terrible person, I know. I just had a lot to do. (Totally not jacking off) Anyways, without further ado (and bad excuses), here's the next chapter!**

 **Story go!  
**

Naruto was in his apartment, sat in front of his desk staring hard at a piece of paper. He was trying to come up with a new fuinjutsu technique, preferably one that would send bits of his enemies flying in all directions. He felt that he was somewhat lacking in skills, as Kakashi would never cease to remind him in his daily spars. He knew only five jutsu, three of which were from the Academy, the others being the Shadow Clone jutsu and Incapacitation no Jutsu. His other skill was fuinjutsu, of which he had very few techniques. He was mediocre in taijutsu and downright horrid in genjutsu.

* * *

So, Naruto was trying to expand his arsenal, even if it was only by a bit. He had the Kawarimi no Jutsu, Bunshin no jutsu and Henge in his ninjutsu repertoire. For fuinjutsu, he had the Hidden Surprise Clone no Jutsu, the Buster Tag, normal explosive tags, and the newly made Chakra Interrupter Seal. A good variety of jutsu for a recently graduated Genin, but Naruto wasn't a new Genin, he'd been a shinobi for over a month, and his skills hadn't improved by much.

* * *

And so, we find Naruto staring at a piece of paper. He stayed like that for a good two hours, stopping only to eat ramen and take a leak, until finally, an idea struck him, with little force it needs to be said.

"Of course! I can make a tag with a wide area of effect!" Naruto exclaimed, "But how do I go about doing that?"

"I could just make an explosive tag with a lot more explosive power... No, Kakashi prohibited me from using anything stronger than D-rank, fucking ass.." Naruto listed off the possibilities, "I could just throw a shit ton of tags and hope for the best... But then, my target could just run away, so I'd need something to contain them..." Naruto muttered.

"I got it!" Naruto said, as a new idea struck him with the force of a sledgehammer.

He quickly got up, gathered the money he had put aside from his missions for training and equipment and left for the nearest fishing store.

* * *

When Naruto came back from his shopping expedition, it was with a large bundle material. He spread the lot on the floor, and contemplated on how he should begin his newest project.

"Oh, I am going to have _fun_ with you..." he cackled.

* * *

"Where is that idiot?" Sakura complained. It was the next day, and Team Seven, minus a certain someone, was gathered at their usual training location.

Kakashi was passing the time reading, as usual, his "book" if one could call a series of sex stories interspersed with words that.

Sasuke was being Sasuke, glaring at a beetle as if it had just slaughtered his family and pissed on their corpses, which was ridiculous because it was his brother who did that.

"Sorry I'm late!" hollered a running Naruto, burdened with a huge bag.

"Finally! We've been waiting for ages! Even Kakashi-sensei is here!" yelled Sakura, "What have you been doing?!"

"It's... uh, a secret?" Naruto nervously chuckled, fearing Sakura's fist.

"Secret my ass, he was probably exploring himself" Kakashi mumbled.

"What was that, Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto asked, his hands going into the Henge sign.

"Nothing! Let's get started on today's mission, I have something new I want to teach you guys after," Kakashi hastily covered up. He had heard of Naruto's Incapacitation no Jutsu, and he was _not_ keen on seeing his leaders wrinkly ass cheeks in all their glory, Kami knows how Naruto knew how detailed they were.

"That's what I thought," Naruto muttered.

"Anyways, team, let's head out!" Kakashi exclaimed while clapping his hands together.

* * *

"Your mission today is..." said the Hokage, as Team Seven was once again gathered in front of his desk.

"Please Kami, let it be Tora," Naruto prayed with his eyes closed, hands clasped in a display of zealous worship.

The Hokage raised an eyebrow, it was the first time in all of his career that he'd seen someone wish for Tora... Wait, no there was one other time... That person was actually Naruto's mother, on the day she first got her sword, something about a spit roasting a cat. Deciding to indulge his surrogate grandson and spare him the torture of clearing the sewers of rats, he gave him the mission he wanted.

"The capture of the animal, Tora," the Hokage finished.

"Fuck yes! You little fucker, I'm coming for you!" Naruto hollered before positively hauling ass out of the tower like an Akimichi that heard that there was an all-you-can-eat buffet at the other end of the village.

"He didn't even stay to listen to the rest of the mission's intel..." the Hokage said.

"Don't worry, Hokage-sama, I'll make certain he learns his manners next time," Kakashi reassured his leader.

"No need for that, Hatake-san, Naruto is young, he'll learn with time," Sarutobi replied, "Anyway, Tora the cat was last seen in the village's biggest park. Now you best go catch up with your wayward teammate."

"Hai, Hokage-sama! Team Seven, fall out!" Kakashi barked. The team swiftly left, leaving the Hokage some free time before the next team came for assignments.

He reached into his desk, opened one of the drawers and pulled out a book, a certain orange book.

"I've missed you..." the Hokage cooed," You and I are going to have a grand old time."

* * *

Leaving the old man with his... peculiar tastes, Naruto had somehow found his way to the village's park. Perhaps instincts guided him, or perhaps a higher being was sat on his ass and wanted to progress the story instead of actually doing something productive that day, like answer to the prayers of his followers or doing actually work. In any case, Naruto was at the park, and was soon joined by his associates.

"Naruto! You better have a plan, you asked for the worst mission possible and _I'm_ not helping you!" yelled a pinkette.

"Indeed, why did you ask for this mission, Naruto?" questioned Kakashi, curious as to why his student would want to kill himself.

"Because I have a plan! Sakura, you and Sasuke don't have to do anything! I got a new seal that should help with today's mission!" Naruto exuberantly explained.

"As if you could catch Tora by yourself!" mocked Sakura, but in spite of that, she too was curious as to what Naruto had up his sleeve.

"All right, let's do this!" Naruto exclaimed, before running into the forest.

The remaining lot looked at each other, sharing speculative looks, before merely shrugging and following the walking maelstrom.

* * *

They ended up in a clearing, it was still early in the morning, so no one was at the park. Naruto was currently crouched, placing a seal on the ground.

"I'll make you regret ever scratching me, you little bag of shit..." Naruto cackled.

"Naruto? What exactly do you have planned?" asked Sakura.

"You'll see..." was the pragmatic answer made more clear by the yowling of a certain feline.

* * *

Off in the distance, one could spot Tora the cat frantically running away from a mob of Naruto's, all bearing torches and pitchforks looking downright murderous. They were all laughing hysterically, and seemed to be more than slightly unhinged. It was understandable why Tora looked so terrified.

Just as the mob was upon him, Tora jumped into the clearing, right onto Naruto's Chakra Interrupter Seal.

"You've activated my trap card, you little fuck!" Naruto screamed, before slowly reaching into his bag.

"Naruto, what is _that?_ " Kakashi asked, eyeing the bundle in his hands.

"My new seal," Naruto replied, he wanted to savour this moment. Tora was struggling to be free from the seal, as attested by the frantic movement of his eyes.

"You aren't going anywhere, you clawed demon piece of shit! Eat this!" Naruto screamed before throwing the bundle, revealing it to be a... net?

"Naruto, that isn't a new seal! It's just a net!" Sakura exclaimed, seemingly astounded by the vast degree her teammates stupidity seemed to span.

"Watch and learn, loud one," Naruto replied, his hands forming the ram seal.

Kakashi, who was disinterested at first, glanced up to see a strange net covering the target in a five meter radius, a net that was thicker than most, covered in symbols that were...smoking slightly... Shit.

"Exploding Web Seal, activate!" Naruto screamed.

' _Are you fucking kidding me?!'_ was all Kakashi could think before his vision was clouded with dust and small explosions.

"Yes! _YES!_ Burn and perish, you furry little shitbag!" Naruto cackled madly as the series of explosions continued.

The explosions went on for a while, never ceasing in intensity, before finally, after what seemed like an eternity, they abated. In place of where Tora once stood was now a small smoking crater, and lying in the middle of it all was the cat. He was unconscious, and looked fine, aside from the small puddle of piss beside him. Being in the middle of a huge explosion would do that to you.

"Naruto..." Kakashi started, "What was that?"

"My bitchin' new seal, Exploding Web Seal!" Naruto replied, "I modified a fishing net to hold explosive tags."

"I thought I told you could only use D-rank tags, Naruto..." Kakashi seethed in an uncharacteristic show of anger.

"No need to worry, Kakashi-sensei, those were all D-ranks!" Naruto replied.

Indeed, Naruto's new seal had only used D-ranks, just in an excessive amount. While usually, a D-rank explosive tag only had erupted in smoke and a small sparkle that one would 'ooh' and 'aah' at a fireworks display. But a fishing net _absolutely covered_ in explosive tags is bound to make an impact.

 **Flashback**

Naruto was in his apartment, modifying his newly bought fishing net for what he wanted to use it for.

He first tried hanging on the net using fish hooks, but when he tested it out, he found that it didn't have enough 'oomph' so, after various trials and errors, he perfected the Exploding Web Seal. He had decided to say "Fuck it" and just wrapped every exposed piece of netting with exploding tags. When he tested it, the small crater that it left had him very satisfied, "Oh yes, I am going to have a fucking _ball_ with you!" he proclaimed.

 **Flashback end**

Naruto showed Kakashi his prototype, and indeed, every inch of surface was covered in explosive tags.

"Naruto... How many tags did you use?"

"256 and one quarter!"

"I see..." Kakashi sweatdropped, "Well, congratulations on the quickest capture of Tora the cat..."

"Fuck yea!" Naruto exclaimed, "I'm the best! Fuck you Sasuke!"

Naruto quickly ran over to the prone body of the cat and grabbed it, "Let's go guys! We got a mission to cash in!" he yelled, and was gone in a flash.

"What have I gotten myself into?" Kakashi wondered not for the first nor the last time.

"Old man! I'm back from my mission!" Naruto yelled before slamming the cat on the desk like an unwanted erection at an orgy.

"Are you now?" chuckled the Hokage, "I must say, you completed your task in record time..."

Glancing at the body of the feline, he could only pray that his owner wouldn't press charges.

"Congratulations on a task well-done," he continued, poking at the smoking corpse with his pipe, "Here's your mission's pay, hand it over to your sensei when you see him."

The Hokage passed over a small scroll to Naruto, "Thanks, old man!"

The volatile boy once again quickly ran out of the Tower, off to cause more wanton terror.

* * *

Team Seven regrouped at Training Ground Three for the usual daily training routine.

Kakashi coughed and closed his book, "Today, we'll be doing something different, my cute little genin."

"Please, don't let it be squats..." Naruto mumbled.

"We'll be doing a group training with..." Kakashi shuddered, "Team Guy..."

"Team who?" Naruto questioned.

"Team Guy, an older team of genin, comprised of Neji Hyuga, Tenten and Rock Lee, they are lead by Konoha's most proficient Taijutsu expert, Might Guy. Their team specializes in close-quarter combat," Kakashi informed his team, "Now, one thing you should know is that Might Guy is a...special case..."

"Why are we training with them, sensei?" asked Sakura.

"While Sasuke's taijutsu skills are above average, both yourself and Naruto are lacking in that department, thus I found myself obliged as your team's sensei to ask for help to improve your proficiency," Kakashi told his team.

"Kakashi-sensei! I'm not _that_ bad at taijutsu!" Naruto objected.

"Naruto, you don't even have a taijutsu _style_ , how are you supposed to be able to hold your own against a trained opponent?" Kakashi scolded his student.

'Fuck you, that's how,' Naruto viciously thought.

"Anyways, that's the end of that, Team Seven, we have to meet Team Guy in," Kakashi glanced at a pocket watch seemingly conjured from nowhere, "two hours ago!"

Sakura, Sasuke and Naruto found that Kakashi seemed just _slightly_ too happy about being two hours late to a meeting.

* * *

"YOSH! KAKASHI-SAN! YOU ARE LATE! HOW UN-YOUTHFUL OF YOU!" an unknown man bellowed at Kakashi. Clad in green spandex that showed slightly too much, this was Konohagakure's most talented Taijutsu practitioner, Might Guy. He was a tall man with black hair styled into a godawful bowl cut. He moved with unbridled energy, his mighty eyebrows wriggling furiously. Indeed Guy seemed to have even more impressive eyebrows than his student, Rock Lee, and that was saying something, seeing as to how Lee's could be mistaken for small, black bricks.

"Sorry, you say something?" Kakashi asked, snapping shut his book.

"THERE'S THAT HIP ATTITUDE!"

All of Team Seven shuddered collectively, it wasn't natural that someone could be so energetic in green spandex.

They were currently situated in a nearby training ground, off in the distance, they could spy Guy's team training themselves in their domains.

"YOU HAVE COME TO TRAIN YOUR STUDENTS, KAKASHI-SAN? YOU ARE OVERFLOWING WITH YOUTH!" Guy hollered, he called over his training students all the while perforating everyone's eardrums.

Guy's students filed in, the first being Neji Hyuga, the most talented of the rookie genin. He was followed by Tenten, a talented weapons user. The final member was Rock Lee, a clone of Might Guy, clad in the same green spandex jumpsuit that made one want to bleach their eyeballs, he was strongest of the rookie genin in terms of taijutsu. Lee couldn't channel chakra like most shinobi and so concentrated on taijutsu.

"NEJI! YOU SHALL SPAR WITH UCHIHA-SAN! TENTEN! YOU SHALL BATTLE WITH HARUNA-SAN! LEE! YOU SHALL SPAR WITH UZUMAKI-SAN!" Guy shouted.

The newly formed groups separated, the two doujutsu users going off to a corner.

"Hmmph, come back for a rematch, have you? It's no use, destiny has fated for me to win," Neji sneered.

Sasuke merely growled, before speeding off towards his opponent.

* * *

Gai looked on the battle, clearly impressed with the Uchiha's ability to stand his ground against Neji, "KAKASHI-SAN, YOU HAVE TRAINED YOUR STUDENT WELL!"

"I suppose," Kakashi muttered, clearly uncomfortable with being so close to the erratic man.

"GAH! WHY MUST YOU BE SO COOL, KAKASHI-SAN!"

Kakashi merely closed his eyes and wished for death to come upon him and release him from the sweet torture that was Gai's company.

* * *

Sakura and Tenten went off in another corner. Tenten bowed to Sakura, "It's a pleasure to meet again, Sakura," she said.

Sakura bowed back, "I guess it is, I am in your care, Tenten," she replied.

Tenten unfurled the scroll that she always had slung over her back and reached into it, bringing out a pair of knuckledusters, "Don't worry, they're padded," she informed her opponent with a reassuring smile, or at least what she thought what was a reassuring smile.

What Sakura saw was someone wielding a dangerous weapon and smiling in a decisively creepy manner.

On an unheard signal, the two girls ran towards each other. They battled for a few minutes, Tenten obviously taking it easy on the other genin. Sakura struggled to keep up, but it was clear that she was going to lose. She still put up an admirable fight, Kakashi's training obviously having positive effects on her physical abilities. If she had fought against Tenten when she had just graduated, she'd had been defeated in the first minute. In the end it was all for nought, and she was beaten down.

"Are you alright, Sakura? Do you wish to have a break?" asked Tenten.

"Yea, that would be nice..." Sakura panted.

* * *

"YOUR OTHER STUDENT IS QUITE GOOD TOO! YOU TRULY ARE OVERFLOWING WITH YOUTH, KAKASHI-SAN, TO BE ABLE TO TRAIN YOUR STUDENTS TO SUCH AN EXTENT," yelled a certain man.

"Yea..." replied Kakashi.

* * *

The last group, Lee and Naruto, walked to the middle of the clearing.

"YOSH! NARUTO-SAN, I HOPE WE CAN HAVE A YOUTHFUL BATTLE!" he screamed in a manner very similar to his sensei.

"I guess?" Naruto said, confused by the other boy's enthusiasm. They were about to duke it out fist to fist, and he was blabbering on about youthfulness...

"LEE! SHOW HIM YOUR SPRINGTIME OF YOUTH!" Gai encouraged.

"I think I'm already seeing too much of it," Naruto muttered, glancing down at Lee's crotch, which indeed exposed slight more than one would want to see.

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

The dynamic duo called out to each other before speeding towards one another and slamming into each other in a cluster fuck of homoerotic subplots.

"Where the fuck?" Naruto wondered, looking at his opponent's previously occupied location, which was now only covered in dust.

He turned around, and immediately wanted to commit seppuku using a rusty and blunt kunai, for the two energetic humans had embraced in what could only be described as borderline indecent exposure.

Indeed, the two had embraced one another, rubbing cheeks, complete with a magnificent sunrise, waves splashing upon imaginary rocks and dolphins frolicking about.

"Oh, _fuck me!"_ Naruto swore before averting his eyes, unable to look for a second more at the display of "youth".

Kakashi seemed to be having trouble holding onto his lunch, as the green spandex suits left nothing to the imagination, with the bulging muscles and squished parts that should never be described in detail.

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"Shinigami-sama take me now, my body is ready," Naruto prayed, "I have suffered enough torture in this life."

The two parted from their embrace, tears flowing from their eyes after such an emotional display.

"LEE! GO SPAR AGAINST UZUMAKI-SAN WITH ALL OF YOUR MIGHT AND YOUTHFULNESS!" he encouraged.

"YOSH, GAI-SENSEI! I WILL MAKE YOU PROUD OF MY YOUTHFULNESS!" Lee replied.

Naruto wondered if he should call the feds on the grounds of a paedophile sensei.

"NARUTO-SAN, WE SHALL LET OUR SPRING TIME OF YOUTH SHINE THROUGH!" Lee yelled enthusiastically.

"Yeah, sure..." Naruto hesitantly agreed. He got into his fighting stance, which was really just him crouching down a little, and Lee got into the Strong Fist's fighting stance.

Lee suddenly jumped towards Naruto, a kick ready and aimed for his face, "DYNAMIC ENTRY!" he hollered.

"Holy fucking _shit!"_ Naruto barely dodged the attack, his reflexes saving him as he threw himself to the ground.

The impact of the kick left a small crater in the ground, Naruto vowed to never get hit by that attack as it would probably cave his face in.

"YOU ARE FAST, NARUTO-SAN!" Lee complimented the other boy, before blurring right in front of Naruto.

'Holy shit, _he's_ fast!' Naruto thought to himself. He was hard pressed to dodge the attacks thrown at him. He tried to evade the multitude of punches and was for the most part successful. Every so often, however, a punch would slip past his defence and hit him.

'Fuck, he's strong!' thought Naruto, as Lee landed another punch on his person, 'That is definitely going to leave a mark...'

It was obvious that Lee wasn't going all out on Naruto, but that didn't mean he was going easy either.

Naruto decided to go on the counter-attack, and started to go on the offensive. He threw in everything he had at the other boy, all of the dirty tricks, all of his feints, but his opponent saw through them all.

* * *

'Fuck, fuck, fuck, _fuck,'_ Naruto frantically, dodging a fist aimed for his crotch. He knew what the Strong Fist style was used for, overpowering the enemy and crushing bones, and he was _not_ particularly keen on having a fist rammed into his ball sacks with the force of a thousand men.

As Lee upped the speed of his barrage of attacks, Naruto panicked and reacted instinctively.

"What is..." Lee said, looking at his arm where a tag had been placed on his arm before erupting into smoke and sparkles.

" _Naruto!_ " Kakashi reprimanded his explosive student, "This was supposed to be a pure taijutsu match!"

"Sorry, sensei! It just felt so real, and my body acted by itself!" Naruto replied, on the outside he might've seemed worried, but on the inside his mind was racing. He was thinking about the possibilities of incorporating his explosions and a fighting style... 'Shit that would be so _badass!_ ' Naruto thought.

"YOSH! NARUTO-SAN! YOUR YOUTH SHINES THROUGH! TO BE ABLE TO HOLD YOUR OWN AGAINST ME!" screamed a smoking Lee, looking none the worse for wear.

"Right..." Naruto sweatdropped at the other boy's seemingly unending zeal.

"HERE I COME!" Lee yelled before landing a sucker punch on Naruto.

"Oomph!" Naruto fell to the ground, gasping for air.

"Naruto-san? Are you alright?" Lee enquired, worried that he might've gone to far, "Do you wish to stop?"

"Fuck no," Naruto chuckled dryly, "This is the best training I've had in a while."

"YOSH! NARUTO-SAN, YOUR PASSION TRULY IGNITES MY FLAMES OF YOUTH!" Leehollered, clenching his hands into fists.

"Indeed..." Naruto muttered before going back at it.

* * *

"KAKASHI-SAN! YOUR LAST STUDENT MAY NOT BE THE BEST, BUT HIS SPIRIT IS UNDYING! LEE, YOU SHOULD ASPIRE TO BE LIKE HIM!" Gai all but practically roared, but he then turned serious.

"I see what you mean, Kakashi-san, Sasuke does not need much help for his taijutsu, he needs only to awaken his Sharingan and he will be a worthy rival against Neji," Gai said to Kakashi, "Sakura needs a lot of help in her form, but that can be easily remedied."

"I'm not worried about Sasuke, he surpasses his teammates by a huge margin. Sakura is lacking in terms of physical strength, and so I plan on making her a medic-nin. She'd be perfect for the job, with her impeccable chakra control..." Kakashi replied.

Gai turned back to the battle going on between Lee and Naruto, "My biggest concern, however, is Naruto... Such wasted potential. He has the spirits, the strength and the will, he lacks only in skill..."

"I agree, that's why I came to you, in the hopes that you might give him some pointers. I would teach him myself, but I feel like my taijutsu style wouldn't quite suit him," Kakashi replied, "I don't think any style would really go well with the boy, he doesn't like following the rules and is too unpredictable."

"Is he now?" Gai pondered, "Perhaps we could use that to our advantage..."

"You have an idea?" Kakashi asked.

"It is only a thought, but maybe with proper time and training..." Gai thought to himself, "Yes, how could I possibly live with myself knowing that such youthfulness went to waste if I didn't help!"

"So you'll train the boy?" Kakashi asked, he felt bad about shoving his responsibilities onto another teacher but it was the best way for Naruto to get a proper taijutsu training. It would also give him more free time to read his favourite book, he giggled perversely in his mind.

"I will not, I am sorry, Kakashi-san. I have too much on my plate with Neji and Lee's taijutsu training," Gai cut through Kakashi's fantasies of endless orgies and orange books. Seeing the disappointed look on his fellow teacher's face, he continued.

"I will, however, give the boy some tips on how he could improve and lend him some scrolls so that he may begin shaping his own style," Gai finished.

"Thank you, Gai. That is more than I could possibly hope for," Kakashi thanked his rival.

"Worry not, it is only natural for me to IGNITE THE FLAMES OF YOUTH IN FELLOW SHINOBI!" Gai reverted back to his usual self, "KAKASHI-SAN, WE STILL HAVE TO HAVE THAT REMATCH!"

"Sorry, you say something?" Kakashi looked up from his book.

"DAMN YOU AND YOUR COOL ATTITUDE, KAKASHI-SAN!"

* * *

Team Seven and Team Guy sparred for a good while, before being called to attention by their sensei.

Sasuke and Neji disengaged and walked to the centre clearing, Sasuke with a limp and a few bruises and Neji looking only slightly ruffled. The two girls walked back together, Sakura leaning on Tenten for support. They seemed to have gotten along nicely, as the two were conversing animatedly about something or another. Naruto and Lee also disengaged from their spar and walked up to their sensei. Naruto looked exhausted and covered in bruises, but he seemed happy about the day's training. Lee also sported a few new injuries, but nothing to the extent of his partner.

Team Seven gathered around the two older shinobi, eager as to know how they could improve. Team Guy were on the sidelines, they knew that the reason for the day's joint training session was to test the capabilities of Team Seven and so knew they wouldn't be getting any pointers.

Gai inspected each of Kakashi's students with an observant gaze before finally nodding to himself.

"Good work today, you did well..." he began in an abnormal display of calmness, "I'll start with Sasuke. Sasuke, your technique is well refined, you only need to awaken your Sharingan and you will advance in leaps and bounds. Continue training the way you are and you will go far, I can guarantee it."

"Sakura, you lack the physical strength to become a taijutsu specialist, but you can still hold your own against a novice opponent. You only need to improve on your style. I believe your sensei has a proposition for you?" Gai continued.

"Yes, Sakura, I do have an idea as to what role would best suit you," Kakashi said, "I'll tell you more after we're done."

Sakura merely nodded, too exhausted to speak.

"And now, Naruto. Naruto, out of all of your teammates, you have the most potential. You could be a great taijutsu specialist, but you lack any form of style or technique. Your sensei tried to convince me to take you on, but I had to refuse," Gai told Naruto, "I have, however, agreed to give you some scrolls in which you may read and practice with," here he handed Naruto several scrolls of moderate sizes, "Inside them are tips and pointers on how you can improve yourself, and this one," he pointed to the bulkiest of the lot, "Contains an advanced version of the Academy's taijutsu style. It will teach you basic katas, but the style itself is made so that the student may improve upon the style to make it into their own. Your sensei and I have agreed that it would be best if you made your own taijutsu style," Gai finished.

"Thank you, Gai-san!" Naruto thanked Gai prolifically, grateful that someone would go out of their way to help him so.

"Anything to further your youthfulness, Naruto-san!" Gai exclaimed, striking his classic Good Guy pose.

Sakura and Sasuke also nodded their thanks. Kakashi bid farewell to Team Guy before leaving with his team.

"You can learn a lot from that Uzumaki boy, Lee, Tenten, Neji. He is the very definition of youthfulness," Gai commented.

* * *

Team Seven parted ways, all understandably exhausted from the day's events. Sasuke going back to his clan's compound, Sakura and Naruto to their homes and Kakashi to what one could only presume to be a cave of some kind, complete with a shrine dedicated to the author of the Icha Icha series.

As Naruto retired for the day, setting aside the scrolls for when he was less tired, he thought about what had happened that day.

'Make my own style, he said... I can do that,' Naruto speculated, "I only have to figure out a way to mix up my talents...'

Naruto fell asleep with his mind filled with thoughts of how he could cram explosive tags down the throats of his enemies.

* * *

 **And done! Holy shit! Longest chapter to date, nearly 5k words! I am super sorry about the _very_ long delay between the past updates, but I just didn't find the inspiration or motivation to write. I don't prewrite any of this, and I just sit down and go at it for an afternoon without any planning, so it can be rough sometimes. Despite the danger of sounding like a broken record, I'd like to thank everyone who left a review, it means a lot to me that you took time out of your day to review my story. To answer some questions, this will be the last filler chapter, I don't know if I want to give Naruto the Explosion bloodline or the Shibuki, partly because he will already have something similar to the Shibuki (no spoilers) and I feel like the bloodline doesn't really have a place here. But I'll think about it. Anyways, thanks for reading! Author, out!**


	10. Going Towards Things

**Hey guys! I'm back after four weeks of inactivity, but before you lynch me I have a reason, seen at the end of the chapter. It just took me a long time to complete because my laptop shit on me (twice) and this was a _very_ long chapter to write. I will do my damned best from now on to keep updates on a bi-monthly schedule. I know I said that the last chapter was the final filler, but I still need to set a few more things up, so the first half is a bit of filler, and then finally, story progression! Anyways, I'm certain you don't want to listen to my ramblings, so here goes!**

 **Story go!**

Naruto was training in a clearing. It seemed that he had taken last week's training lesson with Gai somewhat seriously. He was reading from the scrolls the man gave him.

"How to stoke your Flames of Youth, by Maito Gai..." Naruto read the title out loud, "I swear, if step one is getting into a green spandex suit, I'm burning the thing."

"A shinobi must train themselves in every domain, the main domains are, blah blah blah, already know this," Naruto said, skipping a few pages of theory.

"Here we go! Step one: training your body using weights. A good way to train your body is using weights to increase the strain on your muscles and further your youthful potential," Naruto studied the scroll, "Why do I get the feeling that Gai was screaming the whole while writing this?"

"I guess that's a good place to start, I could always use more strength! Only thing is, I don't have any weights..." Naruto glumly thought, "I'll have to improvise..."

Naruto looked around, and noticed around the clearing the many rocks strewn about.

"Now there's an idea!" thought Naruto.

And so, for the next hour, instead of doing something productive, like doing anything other than rock picking, Naruto, like an overenthusiastic three year old during Easter Sunday, was collecting rocks.

* * *

"Alright! Let's do this!" exclaimed an excited Naruto. He had strapped rocks to just about every part of his body that could support it. His arms, his legs, his head, his other head, all had one or more rocks tied to it. He had even weighed his pockets with pebbles.

He ran back to his scrolls, or rather, waddled, and looked through the contents once more.

"It says here to start of with exercises to prep your body for the katas..." he said aloud, "Let's get started!"

Naruto threw himself to the ground and began his training, going through all of the exercises he knew, pushups, situps, chin ups, up-ups, and sure enough, his

makeshift weights helped him. His rudimentary and crude rock weights somehow worked. He felt the additional strain that they exerted on his muscles.

* * *

Naruto trained for a few more hours, until he finally decided to call it a day. Unstrapping the numerous rocks tied to his body, Naruto decided to make a plan for the next few weeks.

"Alright, if I want to become stronger, I'll need to really up my training. I'll have to look into buying some weights, but that requires money... And if I want to put my idea for taijutsu into effect, I'll need even more money... Crap..." Naruto remembered his empty wallet, the result of a ramen buying spree, a bathtub, and a _very_ nice night, "I need money..."

Naruto didn't know how he could make the cash required for him to further his youthful potential, so he brainstormed for ideas, "I got it! Missions!" Naruto exclaimed, "Only problem is, I need a team for that and I doubt Sasuke or Sakura would be thrilled by the idea of doing D-rank missions over and over..."

Naruto was struck by an idea, "Of course, Jiji never said it needed to be _my_ team, just _a_ team!"

He quickly gathered his stuff and ran home to get a good night's rest, because tomorrow would be a horrid day. Right before he fell asleep, he mumbled to himself, "I'm going to need a lot more tags too..."

* * *

The next day, Naruto was found in front of the Hokage Tower at 5 in the morning, patiently waiting for it to open. Patiently waiting for Naruto meant screaming from another building directly into the window for the Hokage to "Get his wrinkly, old man ass out of bed, and open up the Tower." Not a particularly smart decision, as attested by the concentrated jet of water that almost blasted him in the giggle berries and ending the possibilities of future mini-Narutos running around causing havoc all where they passed, which wasn't really a bad thing.

"What in the _hell_ do you want with me, Naruto?" the Hokage asked, rubbing his temples. Naruto had woken him up right when he was having a wonderful dream that involved himself, his secretary and a _very_ naughty apple. So it was understandable that he was beyond pissed.

Naruto was stood in front of his irate leader and grandfather figure, fidgeting in place, "Um, well, you see I need money and..."

"Don't you have your monthly stipend, Naruto?" the Hokage interrupted.

"Yea, about that... I might've spent it all..." Naruto mumbled.

"I don't even want to know what you spent it on..." the Hokage muttered under his breath, "Go on."

"Well, I need money, so I was thinking I could do some D-rank missions," Naruto said.

"I see no problem with that, but where is your team? You can't take missions without a team, Naruto, you should know this," the Hokage questioned the boy.

"But you only need a team right? It doesn't _have_ to be my own, just three people?" Naruto asked.

"Correct, but you also need a sensei with you. But besides, where are you going to find a team? I doubt any of other senseis would accept you," the Hokage replied.

"Don't worry about that, jiji!" Naruto exclaimed, his hands forming into a cross sign. In a puff a smoke, the whole room was filled with clones of Naruto.

* * *

The Hokage's pipe fell out of his gaping mouth. He knew that Naruto could do the Shadow Clone no Jutsu, and he knew that Naruto had more chakra than the average jounin, but the sheer number of clones nearly surpassed himself. And to think that the boy had yet to finish growing, it sent a shiver down his spine thinking what he could accomplish in a few years. He would be a powerhouse on the battle field, an explosion wielding, volatile and slightly bat shit insane powerhouse, but a powerhouse all the same.

* * *

As the Hokage's coughing subsided, he regained his composure, "That's very impressive, Naruto," he said, which was like saying a million dollars was a small loan, "But that doesn't resolve the problem of your lack of a sensei."

"But, Jiji! I'm only taking D-rank missions, it's not like I'd be in any danger or out of the village!" Naruto complained.

"Yes, but still..." the Hokage trailed off, he had no qualms against Naruto taking the missions, but he wanted to get revenge for the rude awakening he had had. After watching his surrogate grandson squirm for a bit, he decided that enough was enough.

"Very well," he said, "You may take D-rank missions, and _only_ D-rank missions. However, you still have to do missions with your own team. D-ranks are to promote teamwork between teammates and it wouldn't do for you to lag behind."

"Thanks, Jiji!" Naruto said, tackling his pseudo grandfather into a hug, "I won't let you down!"

"I'm sure you won't," he chuckled, "Now about those missions," he reached under his desk and pulled out a tower of papers.

"These are all D-rank missions," the Hokage informed Naruto.

"That is a _lot_ of missions" Naruto whistled.

"Indeed," the Hokage smiled, "D-ranks missions are the most submitted of missions. Let's see, you have a variety of things to choose from, weed picking, shopping, baby sitting, massaging madam Momo..." he listed off the many choices available.

"Wait, massaging madam Momo? As in, the old lady who shopped for enough talcum to dry up a lake?" Naruto asked.

"Yes, why do you ask?" the Hokage replied.

"No reason," Naruto answered, remembering the voluptuous, elderly woman who was slightly _too_ happy to see team Seven, and the way she looked at Sasuke and himself.

Naruto eventually took two dozen missions and grouped his clones into teams of three and sent them on their way.

Glancing at a clock on the wall, he noticed the time, "shit, I'm going to be late for the team meeting!" he yelled, running out of the tower, "Thanks, jiji!"

The Hokage shook his head at the boy, "What I wouldn't do for that energy again."

* * *

Team Seven were once again, assembled at Training Ground Three. Kakashi was nowhere to be seen, and Sasuke and Sakura were doing their own thing, being creepy and creepier.

"Sorry I'm late!" Naruto hollered, running into the clearing, "I was busy with something else!"

"You aren't late, sensei is, however," Sakura informed Naruto in a level tone.

"Yo!" said a voice, right on cue. Kakashi jumped down from the tree he was reading from, and landed in front of the trio.

"Alright, my group of cute little genin, today, we'll be training in taijutsu!" Kakashi said with an eye smile, "We'll see if Gai's advice was worth anything."

* * *

He had his team go through the basic katas of their style, Naruto being his main focus. The boy had so much potential, but he lacked the skill to utilize it, something Kakashi planned to correct.

Naruto's style revolved heavily around the use of his hands and legs to push back an enemy with medium powered attacks to wear them down.

As he was going through the kicking motion, Kakashi observed him.

"You're doing very well, Naruto," he commented.

"Thanks, sensei! I've been practising!" Naruto beamed.

"That's good, now do that 100 more times!" was his sensei's upbeat answer.

"Goddamn it" Naruto muttered, but continued nonetheless under the watchful eye of his teacher who would correct him if there was a flaw in his stance.

* * *

After a few more hours of training, Kakashi decided to put theory into practice.

"Gather around, my cute little genin, it's time for a spar!" he exclaimed, "Naruto, you're up first!"

As Sakura and Sasuke walked off to the edge of the clearing, Naruto and Kakashi got ready to fight.

Naruto going into his fighting stance, and Kakashi pulling out his omnipresent book.

"Hajime!" Kakashi barked, before burrowing his nose into his smut.

Naruto sprinted towards his disinterested teacher and threw a kick at his face, to get his attention. It was predictably blocked, but it fulfilled its purpose. Kakashi was momentarily distracted from his reading, and glanced at Naruto. The blond immediately capitalized on his teacher's surprise and threw a barrage of attacks at him. Kakashi was almost pushed back from the force of the assault, but soon regained his composure.

'It seems I'll have to take him seriously this time,' he thought, 'He improved marvellously. His punches actually somewhat affect me.' Kakashi remembered the first time he had spared with Naruto, who was back then unorganized and brash, but now was a bit of a challenge. 'If he continues down this road, he might be on Sasuke's level in a few months!'

Kakashi decided to test his student's limits and upped the difficulty by a bit, going on the offensive from time to time, and was delighted to find that Naruto kept up with him with little trouble.

Naruto, on the outside, seemed calm and in control, but on the inside was a whole different story, 'shit, shit, _shit!_ I am _not_ ready to go off against Kakashi! What the _fuck_ am I doing?!' he thought frantically.

Kakashi took it up another notch, and saw that Naruto was starting to struggle.

'So that's his limit then,' he thought.

They continued at that pace for a while, until Kakashi decided that it was time to bring it to a close. Dodging past all of the punches thrown his way, he blurred past Naruto and crouched down in a position that was vaguely familiar.

'Where did he go?' Naruto thought, before glancing behind him and noticing his sensei who was crouched behind him with a dangerous glint in his eyes and his hands in a terrifying hand seal.

"Naruto! Did you forget Ninja lesson number one?" Kakashi asked by ramming his fingers up Naruto's innocent ass, which was a rhetorical question as it was _considerably_ hard to forget having digits shoved up ones posterior like a child who was told he could double dip thrusting his hands into a candy bowl.

Naruto was sent flying and landed in a heap, clearly unable to continue on fighting or sitting comfortably.

Kakashi turned to his two remaining students and asked with a downright terrifying tone, "So, who's next?"

* * *

"Look, Naruto, I said I was sorry," said a clearly unapologetic Kakashi, "At least you won't have to do missions for today."

"Oh go fuck a glove," Naruto growled in return, rubbing his tender and _very_ sore behind.

"Right!" Kakashi clapped his hands together, "Good work today, everyone! I'll see you tomorrow, same time!"

He disappeared in a swirl of leaves, leaving behind his tired students.

"God, I hate that man," Naruto muttered.

"I concur," Sakura said, agreeing for the first time with the blond.

"Hnn," Sasuke said with a lot of angry enthusiasm.

They parted ways, all headed towards their home for a good nights rest.

* * *

"I'm home!" Naruto yelled to no one in particular as he entered his apartment.

"Yo boss!" a clone popped up right next to him, his face darkened with soot, before he was unceremoniously popped out of existence by a shrieking Naruto and afoot to the groin.

"Don't fucking _do that_!" Naruto shouted.

"Sorry boss!" exclaimed a more cautious clone, "We go done with our missions. The cash is on the table."

Naruto quickly entered his kitchen and saw that, indeed, there was a stack of money on his table, waiting to be spent.

"I am _loaded!"_ Naruto exclaimed. Each D-rank mission was worth 5 000 ryo each, and he took 20 of them... Naruto salivated at the amount of money he could make in a week.

He quickly sealed away all the money in a storage seal and went off to bed to get a head start on tomorrow.

* * *

Waking up, he went through his morning ritual of showering, brushing his teeth, getting dressed, worshipping the ramen gods with a sacrifice, the usual stuff, before heading out to town to accomplish the day's mission of getting what he needed to further his ass kicking skills. Since it was the weekend, his team was exempted from training with Kakashi, but that didn't stop Naruto from sending a few clones to fulfil a few more missions.

He set off towards the shinobi sector of Konoha, where all manner of shinobi oriented establishments were located for the entertainment and shopping needs of the village's ninja. Naruto approached one of the more known shops, the Sharpest Blade, in the hopes that the resident blacksmith might be able to help him with his requests.

* * *

As he entered the shop, a bell rung with a small tinkle and a portly man ambled out from a door behind the counter. The shop itself was nothing special, aside from all of the sharp, pointy objects lining the walls that would most definitely poke something out if one was to gander a throw at another. The man wiped some sweat from his brows and greeted Naruto with a cheery smile.

"Good morning, shinobi-san! How may I help you today?" he asked, "I am Daisuke Higurashi, local expert blacksmith."

Naruto was a bit perplexed by the man, usually when he entered a store, he'd be leaving soon after chased by a string of curse words and fresh produce or livestock depending on where he went. Chickens, he learnt, were surprisingly aerodynamic. So, naturally, after his bad experiences with shopkeepers, Naruto was just a tad bit wary.

Daisuke, curious as to what had the boy looking like he was about to be attack by flying poultry, decided to break the silence that had instilled in the shop.

"Is something the matter, my boy?" he asked.

"You're okay with me being here?" answered Naruto, cautious in case it was all just a ruse to get his guard down.

"Of course! I welcome all shinobi! Any business is good business!" was Daisuke's jovial reply.

"Well..." Naruto said, uncomfortable by the man's lack of anger and flying livestock, it was rare that there was a villager who _didn't_ want to jam their foot down his throat, "I heard that you take custom commissions?"

"Indeed I do! Prices vary depending on the material and what exactly I am making," Daisuke put on his business voice, he was always open to new projects.

"I need you to craft me this, if it's possible," Naruto said, pulling out a scroll with blueprints on it with a small flourish, "It has to be made of a low-grade chakra metal."

Daisuke took the scroll and read the contents. After a brief inspection, he closed it with in a decisive manner, "What you propose isn't impossible, just very difficult," Daisuke answered slowly, "However, I have complete confidence in my abilities, and believe I should be able to make them in a month or so."

"Really?" Naruto perked up at the news, he wasn't expecting them for a _very_ long time, "How much would it cost me?"

"Since it's made of chakra metal... I'll have to say 200,000 ryo."

Naruto nearly had a stroke at the sheer amount of money that was, never mind that he could make that up in a few days. It was still a shit ton of money to invest in such a small time.

"I also have an advancement of 50%, standard safeguard to make sure you have the money and all that" Daisuke informed him.

"Of course, I understand" Naruto said, handing the man another scroll, this one filled with all of the money he had made just yesterday. It pained him to part with so much, but it was necessary. Besides, if all went as planned, he'd have a bitching new weapon and so he was willing to pay so much.

"I thank you for your business, Uzumaki-san" said Daisuke after inspecting the contents of the scroll and making sure everything was there.

"No, thank _you,_ Higurashi-san" Naruto replied, making to leave for the door. He paused for a moment, realizing something.

"Wait, you know who I am?" asked the boy.

"Of course! You are Naruto Uzumaki, Konoha's resident prankster and future Hokage, if I'm not mistaken," answered Daisuke.

Naruto left that store with more than a light wallet, he left with the knowledge that not _everyone_ in the village despised him. It lifted his spirits somewhat.

* * *

"Now, what should I do?" Naruto asked himself aloud, he hadn't planned much for the day, visiting the blacksmith being the only foreseen action of the day. "I could be a productive and helpful shinobi today, or I could prank the shit out of someone..." Naruto's choice should have been obvious.

And so that's how Sarutobi Hiruzen was left to deal with the half dozen of people who had had caviar stuffed in some _undesirable_ places and a new found phobia for chopsticks.

"God dammit, Naruto I thought you said you were done with the chopsticks" the Hokage muttered under his breath, rubbing his temples.

* * *

After a _very_ productive day, Naruto once again returned to his apartment, eager to see what his clones

had brought in this time.

"I'm home!" Naruto yelled.

"Welcome back!" Naruto replied, who was a clone, and not Naruto talking to himself in a bout of insanity.

He was a perfectly sane and functioning person. If you ignore the homicidal, pyromaniac, ramen gods worshipping tendencies of his. Yep, a completely sane individual.

"So what's the day's bounty?" Naruto asked.

"We brought in about 40 000 ryo seeing as to how we didn't take as many missions," was Naruto's answer.

"I see, oh well, that's still an assload of cash compared to what I was working with before."

He decided to call it an early day, he was exhausted. Running from furious Anbu dead set on ramming sharp objects in various orifices would do that to a person.

* * *

The next morning, he had to meet up with his team once more.

"Yo!" Kakashi greeted, three hours late of course.

"You're late," Naruto stated.

"Sorry, I crossed a black cat on my way and I had to circle the village three times to counter the bad luck. And the, a particularly buxom young lady required assistance with something, and ravaged me as paym-" Kakashi informed his horrified students before being cutting off as a twitchy-eyed Naruto palmed something in his pocket. "Anyway, let's get started with today's training!"

* * *

He had them workout for an hour or so before calling out for them.

"We'll stop early today," Kakashi informed them and was met with the groans of relief from the three genin, "However, we still have to do a mission, and so I've taken the liberty of choosing one for you!"

'This can't end well,' Naruto thought, something mirrored by his two teammates.

"Your exciting mission for the day is... Cleaning up the sewers! Sounds thrilling, doesn't it!"

Naruto said some rather unkind things about Kakashi's mother involving a carrot and a horse cart.

* * *

One thing about Konoha's sewers, or any sewers for that matter, is that they are not the most pleasant of things to smell, and even less so to wade in. So naturally, Naruto and his merry band of genin were having a miserable day. The smell was overwhelming, it was like walking around in a river, except that the water was piss, and the fish were shit. It smelt like what the socks of a teenaged boy would smell like after several weeks of illicit "activities".

Now what Kakashi meant by cleaning wasn't tidying up the sewers of trash, it's a _sewer_ , it's meant to be fucking disgusting. No, what he meant by that was the extermination of the rats that inhabited the place. Now, normally, rats are small and cuddly things, if domesticated, but this was a ninja village, so normal can go get fucked right in the ass. Rather, these rats were 2 feet long and looked like they'd go straight for the jugular if one even tried to hug them.

* * *

This was the first mission where Team Seven were in any form of danger, amorous advances of madam Momo aside, and they wanted to be ready for anything. The thing is, it's a tad hard trying to concentrate on _anything_ when the _splendid_ smell of shit constantly assaulted your nostrils. Naruto was trying vainly to keep his breakfast of instant ramen down, Sakura was currently hurling hers, and Sasuke, while he looked to be unaffected, was clearly uncomfortable with the situation. Kakashi was indifferent, he had a filter installed in his mask so he couldn't care less. He was walking on the walls, reading his book.

* * *

Rats are territorial animals, and those little fuckers can _jump_. So, it was to be expected that when a 2 and a half foot long rat suddenly lunged at Naruto like a long gone family member, he lost his shit in all of the other shit that was the sewer.

The shriek was glorious.

Right before the rat could gnaw on Naruto's neck, a kunai entered its skull with a resounding 'thunk'.

The rabid animal landed in a heap right on Naruto. Extricating himself from the corpse, Naruto turned to Sasuke, who had thrown the weapon.

"You should be more careful, dobe," he said.

"Yeah, yeah, thanks and fuck you," Naruto muttered in reply.

"I see you've found our enemy!" Kakashi happily interjected, "Your mission is to exterminate all of the rats found in these sewers, you have until the end of the day!"

"Well _shit,_ " Naruto exclaimed, and he wasn't talking about where they were located.

* * *

Once they knew what they were up against, Team Seven did remarkably well, Naruto and Sasuke being the long range fighters, throwing kunai and shuriken from afar while Sakura used her newfound Taijutu knowledge to beat the ever loving shit out of any who got too close. It was gruelling work and Naruto swore he would never defecate ever again.

After killing off an especially tenacious rat that just _wouldn't die,_ Naruto had had enough. Spotting a cluster of rats some ways away, he took out a slip of paper and a kunai.

"I've had enough of this mcfuckery!" he yelled before slinging the kunai armed with an explosive tag.

Kakashi sharply looked up from his book, startled by his student's screaming. It took only a moment to assess what had happened, and it scared the fuck out of him.

"Naruto! No!" he yelled, but it was too late, the deed had been done.

Now, one might wonder what Kakashi was worried about, and the answer is simple. The air in sewers is composed of many gases, methane and hydrogen sulfide being some of them. Now, the thing about these gases is that they are _highly_ explosive, and so, what would happen if one idiot was to throw something that would fucking _explode_ in this scenario? A big fucking explosion that's what, and that's exactly what happened. The tag, while only D-rank in power, still caused a small spark that ignited the gases, and shit hit the fan, quite literally.

Kakashi had mere moments to react before the fireball was upon them. He flashed next to his students, his hands blitzing through a series of signs.

"Doton release: Earth Dome no Jutsu!" he exclaimed before slamming his hands to the ground. A dome of earth erected itself around the quartet, sealing them in complete darkness. They could only feel the shaking of the earth around them as the explosion waged on for a few more minutes before completely dissipating.

* * *

Above ground, nothing was out of the ordinary, aside from a slight shaking of the ground, as the sewers were located pretty deep in the ground, in case of situations such as these and to deter invaders. When manholes were involved, however, it was a completely different ballgame. That day was known as the day when manhole covers flew to goddamn _space_.

* * *

After deeming that the danger had passed, Kakashi released his jutsu.

"Naruto, what in the _hell_ were you thinking?!" he yelled in an uncharacteristic anger, "You could've killed us all!"

"I didn't know that that would happen!" Naruto answered, "I just wanted to startle the rats!"

Kakashi looked at Naruto for a moment, breathing heavily, before letting his anger extinguish. It was obvious that Naruto didn't _mean_ to try and blow them all to smithereens, and that he just didn't think before acting.

After Kakashi calmed himself sufficiently to not strangle his blond student, he addressed him.

"While you might not have known that that would happen, you still almost killed us. As punishment, you are to help the Hokage with his paperwork for the next week."

Naruto nodded his head, it was a fair sanction for what he had done.

The grey haired man quickly reverted to his usual eccentric self.

"Now, I do believe we can call this mission a success! All rats have been exterminated," he said clapping his hands together.

Indeed, all of the rodents had been burnt to a crisp in the fireball.

* * *

And so, Team Seven reported in another triumphant mission looking worse for wear. Kakashi handed Naruto over to the Hokage, informing him of what had happened and of his punishment.

The Hokage happily embraced Naruto, dumping a pile of papers onto his lap, before running out saying something about "Finally being free and having to find that masseuse."

* * *

Naruto passed the week in a routine of training, missions and helping the Hokage, with nothing of importance happening.

Aside from one incident. It was late one night, when Naruto has his most _brilliant_ of ideas, that he was struck with a thought.

'Throwing kunai and shuriken is great and all, but what if I want to throw or move something heavier?' was his train of thought. And so, after a few hours of brainstorming, he had his answer.

He quickly jotted down some notes before getting to work. What could go wrong?

* * *

Everything. Everything could go wrong. He learnt that when a boulder the size of his apartment came hurtling towards him at mach 10 speeds.

He had gone back to his usual clearing at Training Ground Three to test out his new seal. It had taken him some time to make, but in the end, he prevailed. It was an explosive tag, one that he had modified to fit his needs. He had added a Direction Control Component and a Containment Component to the seal. The Containment Component was to, well, contain the force of the explosion in a set radius. The Direction Control, as the name would suggest, controlled the direction in which the energy was liberated. His end product was a seal that would stick to an object and emit an explosion that would launch the object at a high velocity. The back end would be a bit singed, but it did its work.

A bit too well for that matter. Naruto, being the knucklehead that he was, decided to slap on the seal to a boulder, just to see how effective it was at moving objects. The answer was _very_ fucking effective. He barely had time to dodge the speeding rock before it plowed through some trees and dug a 4 feet deep trench. Perhaps using an A-rank tag for the seal wasn't the brightest of moves, but damn if it didn't fill its purpose.

Naruto, satisfied with the results, decided to call it a night, and retired to his quarters to rest from his near death by geological landscape.

That was all of the excitement for Naruto's otherwise uneventful week.

* * *

And so a week passed, and Team Seven were once more gathered in front of the Hokage, awaiting a mission assignment.

The Hokage rubbed his chin, inspecting his scroll, "Hm, yes..." he said, "Team Seven, your mission for the day is weeding madam Chou's garden."

After weeks of physical torture and soul crushing missions, Naruto had enough and he snapped.

"I refuse to do another D-rank mission! If I have to look at another weed, I swear I'm burning down a field!" he yelled, slamming his fist on the table. His teammates nodded their heads in agreement. While they might not have been as vocal as Naruto, they too were tired of doing D-ranks.

"Naruto! Remember who you are talking to!" barked Iruka from the Hokage's side, "This is the Hokage, and _he_ will decide whether you are ready to take on a C-rank mission!"

"It's quite alright, Iruka-san," the Hokage waved off the man, "I was expecting this for a while now. I'm quite surprised he lasted so long," he said with a chuckle.

"While I do have the jurisdiction to decide if a team is ready, it's really the sensei's call," he continued, turning his gaze to Kakashi.

Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke looked at their sensei with hopeful eyes. Kakashi sweated a bit under their unnerving gazes, "I believe that Team Seven is more than ready for their first C-rank mission. Their shinobi skills have reached appropriate levels and they have completed the require 40 D-ranks," he said.

"Very well, Kakashi-san," the Hokage said, "Since your sensei is in agreement, Team Seven will be doing their first C-rank." He rummaged through some more scrolls before pulling out one.

"This one should do," he opened the scroll and read it, "Team Seven, your mission will consist of..."

"What is it, what is it? Saving a princess? Stopping a revolution?" Naruto asked excitedly.

"Escorting the bridge builder Tazuna to his village in the Land of Waves," the Hokage finished, "You have one month to accomplish the mission. Tazuna-san! Please come in."

At the Hokage's call, a tall man with a grey beard entered the room. In his hands he held a bottle of sake of which he took a swig before looking at Team Seven with a cynical eye.

"This is my escort? A half blind shinobi and his three kids?" he asked, "And what about shorty over there? Is he even of age to be a shinobi?" he pointed to Naruto.

"I assure you, Tazuna-san, my team is perfectly capable of assuring your safety, and I am an elite shinobi of the village, I can handle anything thrown my way," Kakashi informed the man, a bit irritated to be brushed off so quickly.

"And who the _fuck_ are you calling short?! I'll cut your fucking shins!" yelled a furious Naruto, lunging at the man before being stopped by his sensei.

"Now, now, Naruto. While he may have insulted you, it wouldn't bode well for the village's reputation if you injured one of its clients, so please refrain from maiming Tazuna-san," chided Kakashi, nose reburied into his book.

"I feel totally safe," muttered Tazuna, "Protected by a pirate and a psychopathic midget..."

The Hokage cleared his throat, getting the attention of everyone, "Team Seven, you are to leave in three days, prepare your equipment accordingly. Dismissed!"

The genin quickly dispersed to get ready for their first mission outside of the village, while Kakashi went off to visit a brothel, presumably, and Tazuna went to go further acquaint himself with Konoha's many bars.

* * *

Naruto retired to his apartment, he wanted to make sure he wouldn't forget anything.

"I'll need to stock up on food, bring some clothing, my sleeping bag, my tent," he listed off, "Can't forget the kunai and shuriken, and restock my seals..." he looked at a nearby scroll, that had the word "Seals" written on it.

"I wonder if I'm going to have enough explosive tags for the mission... This is a C-rank mission, so you never know what could happen, and D-rank explosive tags might not suffice..." Naruto thought for a moment before smacking his hands together, "I got it! Kakashi said I couldn't _use_ higher grade explosive tags, but he never said I couldn't _make_ them! Naruto, you genius!"

"But I'm going to need a lot more than just a few explosive tags... I'm going to need to mass produce them...My clones! I'll just use my clones as slave labour!" Naruto exclaimed. He formed a cross sign with his hands, and 50 clones poofed into existence.

"Alright, boys! You know what to do! You two, pack our bags, while you, go buy as much Chakra Paper as you can!" Naruto ordered. The clones quickly rushed around to fulfil their duties.

"This is going to be a busy three days!" he exclaimed with a grin.

* * *

Three days later, Team Seven gathered at Konoha's main gate. The main gates were of spectacular size, almost as big as the walls that bordered it. Some say that the gate was to discourage invaders and impress potential costumers, while others say that Konoha was compensating for something.

Sakura and Sasuke were already there, waiting for their client, their sensei and their other teammate, all of whom were almost late.

Kakashi shunshined next to them, startling the two genin who hadn't been expecting him for a few more hours.

"Sorry I'm late!" yelled a running Naruto, "I got caught up with something!" That something being calculating how much ramen he would need for the trip.

"Holy shit, Kakashi-sensei! You're on time!" exclaimed Naruto upon seeing his perpetually late sensei at a meeting without any delay.

"I am never late for important missions," stated Kakashi, still reading his book.

"This is an important mission?" asked Sakura, "I thought it was only a C-rank."

"It's important to you because it's your first C-rank mission," Kakashi replied, "This'll be the first time you go out of the village, away from its protection."

"Oh."

"I hope you have all packed accordingly? We''ll be gone for a month, a good part of it being in the wild," Kakashi asked.

He was met with a chorus of 'yeses' as Sakura and Sasuke showed him their bags, packed to the brim with clothing, weapons and food.

He nodded approvingly, "And what about you, Naruto? I can't help but notice you don't have a bag with you."

"No need for bags, Kakashi-sensei! All my stuff is sealed in these two scrolls!" Naruto answered, shrugging off the two bulky scrolls on his back, imaginatively named 'Things' and 'Things That Go Boom'.

"I see," Kakashi said, "Are you certain you have everything you need in there?" He was dubious that the boy could fit all that he needed in those two scrolls, as big as they were.

"Of course, food, clothing, tent, livestock, I'm ready for anything!" came the exuberant reply, "And plus, it's much lighter than a pack!"

At this, his teammates gave envious glances at the scrolls, their own packs weighing more than a baby cow.

"Well, if you say so..." Kakashi said "Now where is that client of ours?

* * *

It would be another half hour before Tazuna would appear, clutching his head, "Sorry I'm late," he said, "I have this massive hangover."

"It isn't good to keep shinobi waiting, Tazuna-san," Kakashi answered, "Now let's get going, we're already behind schedule."

"Heartless bastard," Tazuna muttered.

"Tell me about it," Naruto whispered back.

"What was that, Naruto?" Kakashi asked in a sweet voice.

"N-nothing!" Naruto answered.

"I could've sworn you just volunteered to carry everyone's bags for the next hour! How thoughtful of you!" he exclaimed, "Sakura, Sasuke! Naruto here has graciously offered to carry your bags for an hour or so! Isn't that nice of him?"

The speed it took for them to dump both bags onto the poor boy was alarming, they practically slammed them onto his back with an insincere "Thanks!"

'Fucking assjerk,' Naruto thought, 'I'll get back at you, and I know just how to!'

* * *

"YOSH, KAKASHI-SENSEI! THANK YOU FOR FURTHERING MY FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH BY GIVING ME THIS TASK AS TRAINING TO ALLOW MY YOUTH TO FLOURISH!" he hollered.

"Naruto, wha-" Kakashi asked, turning around before being stopped dead in his tracks.

Naruto, it seemed, had donned an apparel that he wished he'd never have to see his students in, the green jumpsuit of Might Guy. He had henged himself a magnificent pair of eyebrows that wriggled furiously and gave himself a bowl cut of legendary proportions. When Naruto said he had prepared for anything, he meant _anything._

"YOSH, KAKASHI-SENSEI! I WILL NOT FAIL THIS YOUTHFUL TRAINING OR I SHALL RUN ALL THE WAY TO THE LAND OF WAVES AND BACK USING ONLY MY TONGUE!" the bastard love child of Naruto and Lee said.

"Naruto, stop!" Kakashi pleaded.

Naruto decided to bring it up a notch by summoning two clones into existence, whom quickly henged into Guy and Lee, in their monobrowed magnificence.

"LEE! NARUTO!" yelled clone-Guy.

"GUY-SENSEI! NARUTO!" hollered clone-Lee.

"GUY-SENSEI! LEE!" screamed Naruto.

They all lunged together into a manly and youthful embrace, complete with sunset, clashing waves and dolphins, before being unceremoniously popped by a terrified looking Kakashi.

"Naruto, don't _ever_ do that to me again," he stammered, clearly traumatized.

"THERE'S THAT HIP ATTITUDE!" Naruto bellowed, striking up his good guy pose, "KAKASHI-SENSEI! I SHALL FURTHER MY YOUTH TO LEVELS UNKNOWN!"

After yelling this, Naruto ran off in front of the group, with the two clones of Guy and Lee by his side, yelling "youthful" encouragement.

"That boy is a strange one..." Tazuna said, mostly to himself.

Kakashi answered with only a twitching eye.

* * *

After his hour was up, Naruto fell back with the group. Kakashi and Sakura were talking with Tazuna, something about how different Lands have different shinobi systems. Naruto didn't really listen.

As they walked, they passed a puddle, noticed only by Kakashi, who fell behind. Once they were a distance away, two figures emerged from the body of water.

In an instant, Kakashi was wrapped in chains before being torn to shreds. A shriek echoed through the forest's air, or rather, two did. Naruto would forever deny any knowledge of screaming like a tea kettle when Kakashi got taken down.

"One down, four to go," the duo said in unison, before landing and sprinting towards Naruto, who had fallen to the ground and was a closest to them.

The two shinobi were known as the Demon Brothers, Gozu and Meizu, missing-nin of Kirigakure. Clad in grey clothing, they held between them a long chain lined with blades supported by the clawed gauntlets they wore.

They ran towards Naruto, the chain aimed straight for his neck, but were interrupted when a kunai lodged itself into a link, pinning it to the ground, courtesy of Sasuke. They were forced to release the chain from their gauntlets.

"Gozu!" yelled Meizu, "handle get the bridge builder while I deal with this one!"

Gozu veered towards Tazuna, gauntlet aimed for his throat, but was intercepted by Sasuke, who engaged him in a fierce Taijutsu battle.

Meizu, meanwhile, focused his attention on Naruto, who had recovered somewhat and was back on his feet.

"Sakura! Guard Tazuna while me and Sasuke fight these guys!" he yelled.

Sakura, who previously looked petrified, nodded resolutely and stood in front of the bridge builder to shield him with her body.

Meizu didn't let Naruto continue talking and lunged for him, claws outstretched to grab him. Naruto retaliated with a swift kick to the sternum that unbalanced his opponent, but his hand was still cut by the sharp blades.

Sasuke had already dispatched his opponent, surprising him with a powerful fire jutsu, and was running to assist his teammate.

Naruto and Meizu continued exchanging blows, until Meizu gained the upper hand, a clawed finger headed straight for his eye. Sasuke wouldn't make it in time. Right before Naruto's eye was popped like an extraordinarly moist balloon, Meizu was grabbed by the collar and thrown to the ground.

"Now, now. While I appreciate you for testing my genin's battle prowess, it wouldn't do for them to die on their first _real_ mission, now would it?" tsked a very much alive Kakashi.

"Kakashi! You're alive!" exclaimed Naruto and Sakura, Sasuke merely grunting.

"Did you really think such low-level opponents would be able to best me?" Kakashi asked with an eye smile before turning serious, "Gozu and Meizu, also known as the Demon Brothers. Missing-nin of C-rank level and wanted by several villages, dead or alive." He bound the two with some rope that Naruto handed him.

* * *

Kakashi had dragged the brothers to a tree and had tied them to it. Before he went off to interrogate the brothers, he addressed his team, "You all did splendid today, you held your own against opponents at a much higher skill level than you, even you Sakura. While you might not have done much, you still didn't panic and run away. You stayed to complete the mission and support your teammates. I can that I am proud of you all."

The trio blushed at the unexpected compliments, well Sasuke merely looked away.

"Naruto, how about we take a look at that cut on your hand?" asked Kakshi.

"No way! This here is a battle injury! I'll get a bad ass scar! Chicks love scars!" Naruto exclaimed.

"I'm glad to hear it, but I'll have you know that the Demon Brothers coat their gauntlets in a poison," Kakashi informed his student with an eye smile.

"Really?! Shit, shit, _shit!_ How do I cure it?!" Naruto frantically asked.

"It's a weak poison, so draining the wound of blood should suffice, you only need to cut-" Kakashi told his student, but was interrupted by said student stabbing a kunai into his hand without any hesitation.

"Like this?" Naruto hopefully inquired.

"Yes, but you only needed to make a small cut, Naruto. You're now more in danger of blood loss than anything else," Kakashi answered, but even as he said that, he could see that the wound was slowly healing. 'Incredible,' he thought, 'To think he has such a quick healing factor.'

"Everything all right, Kakashi-sensei?"

"Yes, yes. You should be fine in a couple of minutes."

"But you were just spewing a moment ago some bullshit about blood loss!" yelled Naruto.

"You'll be fine. A little bit of lost blood never killed anyone," reassured Kakashi.

* * *

"Now, I want you to answer some questions, and I want you to answer them truthfully, else we're going to have some trouble," Kakashi said.

"Fuck you," spat Meizu.

"Very well..." Kakashi sighed and got up, not before slapping the other brother to rouse him, "Naruto! I need your help with something!"

"Yes, sensei?" asked a curious Naruto, wondering how he could be of help in this situation.

"You remember what you did to me this morning? Well I want you to do that to these two gentlemen, if you will," Kakashi told him.

"Alright..." shrugged Naruto, summoning two clones and henging them into the Dynamic Duo.

With screams of "LEE!" and "GAI!" the two embraced each other in close proximity to the brothers, their crotches, in fact, were mere inches away from their faces.

The Demon Brother's resolve lasted all of 2 seconds. It helped that Kakashi was adding to the effect by casting a subtle genjutsu on the siblings, making them thing that the two bowl cut monstrosities were actually in the buff and currently smacking them with various "appendages".

"We'll talk, we'll talk! Just make it stop!" they yelled, understandably horrified and slightly traumatized.

"Glad to hear it," Kakashi said with a smile, "Naruto, thank you for your help, you're dismissed."

"No problem, sensei!" Naruto exclaimed before running back to his teammates and Tazuna.

"Now tell me, who were you after?"

* * *

After a while, Kakashi emerged from the forest where he had dragged the brothers with a grim look on his face.

"Tazuna," he said in a no non-sense voice, "We need to talk."

Tazuna quickly stood up, looking panicked.

"Would you care to tell me _why_ exactly you failed to tell me that C-rank missing-nin were after your head?"

"Shinobi-san, it was the only way I could-" Tazuna stammered.

" _C-rank missing-nin,_ Tazuna," Kakashi growled, "On a C-ranked mission, where the norm are bandits and the occasional D-rank missing-nin. My genin could've been killed. I have every right to abandon the mission and leave you here"

"I- I- I'm sorry..." Tazuna said dejectedly, hanging his head low in shame, "There was just no other way! I desperately needed an escort to the Land of Waves to free it from the tyrant that rules it!"

"Tyrant?" Sakura asked, "Isn't the Land of Waves governed by a council?"

"It was, until a man by the name of Gato took control of everything," Tazuna replied.

"Wait, Gato? As in the man at the head of Gato Company? The richest man in the world?" asked Kakashi.

"That's him. He uses his 'honest' Company as a front to disguise all of the shady and illegal deals he makes. That's how he made his fortune, not by shipping, but by smuggling and blackmail," Tazuna informed them, "And now he has total control over the Land of Waves. The whole island lives in poverty and crime runs rampant in the streets."

"But why does he want you?" questioned Sakura.

"Because I'm the only one who can break that hold. Before he came along, I was tasked with building a bridge that would connect the island to the mainland. It would of made the Land of Wave prosper, but Gato didn't want that. He wanted to have a monopoly over the island via his shipping company, so he set a bounty on my head," said Tazuna.

"And you fled to Konohagakure to ask for protection," finished Kakashi.

"Correct," affirmed Tazuna, "But I didn't have enough money to pay for a B or A-rank mission, and so I had to lie you."

"You know that Konohagakure doesn't just take money as payment, right?" asked Kakashi, "We would've been glad to take a Priority Trading contract or beneficial trading prices as payment, once the bridge was finished."

Tazuna only hung his head lower in shame.

Kakashi sighed, "You heard what the man had to say, but in the end it's not up to me to decide. What do you guys think we should do? It's too late to call for backup, we're in too deep, so we're left with two options. Abandon Tazuna and return to the village, or aid him."

Seeing the empathic glances sent his way, Tazuna started to sob, "Oh, my poor daughter, she'll be left with no grandfather, no one to help her tend to her only child," he said in between heaving sobs, "Oh, Tsunami! How cruel it is for me to have to leave you so soon, but I won't make it far without help!"

"I say we help him," Naruto said, serious for once, "It's not like we weren't expecting danger, and besides, it's like you said, we're in too deep to call for backup."

His statement was met with nods from both of his teammates.

"Are you guys certain?" Kakashi asked, "We'll be facing most definitely an A-rank opponent. I can't guarantee your survival."

"Uncertain survival is what makes up the shinobi career, Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto said, "I think we're ready for this, besides you have me on the team! What could go wrong?"

"If you guys are all in agreement, I guess I have no choice but to accept," Kakashi said with a sigh, "Tazuna, we have come to a conclusion. We'll help you."

The previously sobbing man did a complete 180, a huge smile now gracing his face and tears of joy sparkling in his eyes, "You will?!"

"Yes, on the condition that when the bridge is complete, Konahagakure gets a Priority Trading contract, and you must follow my every order. I can't have you dying on me before you pay up," Kakashi said.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Tazuna thanked them profusely, hugging each and every one of them.

"Now, let's get going. I want to cover as much ground as possible today," exclaimed Kakashi.

"Kakashi-sensei, what did you do to the Demon Brothers?" asked Sakura.

"I knocked them out, Konohagakure will come by to pick them up in a few days." Normally, he'd kill them, no use in leaving potential threats alive to come pester him in the future, but he rather not traumatize his young genin so early into their shinobi career. No better for them to do it themselves and have him there to comfort them.

"Enough questions, we have a lot of road to cover!"

* * *

Team Seven and Tazuna travelled for a few days, encountering little problems before ending up in in front of a large body of water.

"I have a friend who should be here, if he didn't chicken out," Tazuna said, whistling out a secret code that was soon answered, "There he is, let's go."

The quintet clambered into the small barge. Mist shrouded the lake that surrounded the island, masking their presence. Once they go too close for the barge to continue using its engine, the boatman turned it off and started rowing.

Something huge pierced through the mist, looming over the small boat.

"Holy shit, it's huge!" was the well-spoken exclamation of Naruto.

"Naruto, hush, we don't want to be heard," Kakashi admonished his student, but still admired the architecture of the bridge, "You did a fine job on it, Tazuna."

"Thank you, it's the fruit of the blood, sweat and tears of me and my team."

The rest of the ride continued on in silence.

* * *

They debarked a while later, Tazuna wishing his friend a safe travel. They continued walking before Naruto suddenly threw a kunai at a bush with a loud yell of "There!"

"Naruto, what the hell were you thinking?! You nearly gave me a heart attack!" yelled Sakura, and Tazuna, who was clutching his chest, was prone to agree.

"There's something in that bush," he answered.

She stormed off towards to a shrubbery before pulling out a white rabbit.

"Look at what you did to the poor thing, you scared it half to death!"

"Eheh, sorry Sakura, I could've sworn there was someone there," Naruto apologized.

Kakashi wasn't listening to their conversation, he was more interested in the terrified bunny, or rather it's colour.

'White fur... In the middle of the summer...Something's wrong,' he thought before his eyes widened.

"Duck!" he yelled, knocking Sakura and Tazuna to the ground.

"I swear, if this is another joke about my hair, I will..." growled Sasuke.

"No, DUCK!" Kakashi repeated, dragging both boys to the ground mere milliseconds before a big ass blade spun over their heads sinking in deep into a nearby tree.

On the glorified meat cleaver stood a tall, shirtless man. He cut an imposing figure, standing on the handle of his blade, staring down at the group under him.

"Zabuza Momochi, Demon of the Hidden Mist. High end A-rank missing-nin of Kirigakure, wanted for the unsuccessful assassination of Kirigakure's Mizukage," Kakashi said, more to inform his students than for his own benefit.

"Well, _fuck._ "

* * *

 **And done! Holy fucking shit, that was a long chapter, nearly 9k words! I am _really_ sorry for the long delay, but a ton of things came up. The main part was that this story just hit 50 followers, and while that may not seem significant, I wanted this chapter to be something special. And so I wrote, and rewrote this chapter several times, fine tuning and tweaking. I didn't have much time either, what with school and shit, and to top it all off, my fucking laptop shit out on me not once, but twice! Piece of shit. Anyways. Story progression, yay! I don't know what I'll do with Zabuza and Haku, but I'll just wing it. I decided not to give Naruto a bloodline, but he'll get something much better! I want to thank everyone of you who've read, followed, favourited, reviewed this story, I can safely say this is my most popular on this site (never mind the fact that it's the only one) I really cant say how much this all means to be. Thank you to all the new and regular people who enjoy this story! Author, out!**


	11. Eyebrowless Things

**Hey, I'm back after only 2 weeks of inactivity! I said I'd try and keep it once every two weeks and I delivered. Anyways, sorry if the fight scene isn't the best, I myself am not the best at writing them. Enjoy!**

 **Story Go!**

"I see that my reputation precedes me," chuckled Zabuza, "I was hoping that the Demon Brother's would be able to take care of the bridge builder, but with you on the team, I guess it was only wishful thinking. I expected nothing less from Kakashi of the Sharingan."

* * *

At the mention of his family's famed doujutsu, Sasuke shot a disbelieving glance at his sensei.

'I thought me and Itachi were the sole Uchiha survivors!' Sasuke was incredulous, 'Is Kakashi-sensei somehow related to me?'

* * *

Zabuza was an intimidating man, clad only in pants like a budding exhibitionist with a mask that covered the lower part of his face. Stood upon his excessively large sword that was obviously compensating for something, he was a sight to make any person shit themselves.

* * *

"What are we waiting for? Let's get him!" yelled Naruto, running towards the tall man on the oversized cutting utensil. He was, however, stopped by his sensei's arm.

"You'd only get in the way, Naruto. Zabuza is on a whole other level," Kakashi said, "Ex-leader of Kirigakure's Assassination Squad and ex-ANBU, he would destroy you in mere seconds."

"Well, fuck," Naruto cursed.

"Fuck indeed," Zabuza chuckled, "You should listen to your sensei, little shrimp."

"Yea, yea- Wait a damn second, who the _fuck_ are you calling a shrimp?!" After many days of being on the short end of every height joke, Naruto had had enough and cracked, the fact that Zabuza could tear him a new asshole in a matter of seconds completely forgotten. "Mother fucker, I will plant my foot so far up your goddamn ass, that the next time you get a prostate exam, your doctor will find my fucking _skid marks!_ I will-" Here, Naruto went off in tangents, describing the many ways and objects that he'd be cramming into Zabuza's diverse holes with _great_ gusto and detail. Zabuza merely zoned him out and focused his attention on Kakashi.

* * *

"Who's the kid, Kakashi? I didn't think Konoha to be the type of village to weigh down their jonin," Zabuza commented.

"He's part of my genin team," Kakashi replied, "But enough about him, your business lies with me."

"Indeed it does," Zabuza said, before disappearing from his post, his sword gone with him.

* * *

"-I will shit _fury_ down your throat!" Naruto finished his long narrative of the various manners he'd be introducing what seemed to be half a kitchen into Zabuza's fleshy cavities, "Hey, where'd he go!"

Naruto didn't have the best observational skills.

* * *

"I was hoping not to have to use this..." Kakashi sighed, pulling back his forehead protector to reveal his usually hidden eye. It was red in colour, with three tomoe circling the pupil. This was the Sharingan, Konohagakure's most feared doujutsu, or at least it used to be before the extermination of the Uchiha clan. With its ability to analyze, copy and store ninjutsu, taijutsu, and genjutsu, it was truly a weapon to be feared.

"Kakashi-sensei? How did you get Sasuke's clan's bloodline?" Sakura asked.

"Now's not the time to be explaining things," Kakashi brusquely replied, "Manji formation! Now! Protect the client at all costs!"

The three genin quickly jumped next to Tazuna, who looked quite terrified. Understandable of course, it wasn't every day that you had a supposed demon thirsting for your blood like some demented vampire bat, ex-wives not withstanding.

* * *

A thick fog had settled around them, obscuring their view and rendering visibility moot. They could barely see three feet in front of them. A voice resonated from every direction, making it impossible to tell where it originated from, "Using the Sharingan so early in battle, Kakashi? I'm honoured. But will it be enough, I wonder."

A pressure suddenly appeared, pressing down on them from all sides. It filled the genin with dread, images of their imminent deaths appeared in their minds. They felt hopeless and despaired, Sasuke was the one most affected by it.

'What's the use?' he thought, 'We can't win, he's too strong!'

He palmed a kunai and prepared to disembowel himself like some sort of samurai that brought dishonour upon his cow.

Right before he could do the deed, a voice cut through the silence, "Sasuke, snap out of it! He's using killing intent to unnerve you guys, but as long I'm here, you'll be fine!" their sensei said.

"Will they really, Kakashi? You can't protect them all," said the disembodied voice of Zabuza, seeming to emanate from all around them, "Unfortunately, your precious doujutsu is useless in these conditions. My fog is too thick for you to pierce. G-" Zabuza was cut off by unreasonably colossal explosion that shook the earth that they stood upon.

"Oh yea? Then what about explosive tags, fuckwad?!" was Naruto's cry, he seemed to be unaffected by Zabuza's killing intent.

"I like you kid, you have spunk," Zabuza said, "I think I'll kill you last."

"Oh happy day!" Naruto replied, "An eyebrowless nutcase with self-esteem issues has taken a liking to me!"

"But the problem with you is that you don't know when to stop talking," Zabuza said, his voice suddenly right next to Naruto's ear, "I'm going to kill every single one of your teammates, slowly and painfully, and I will make you watch every second of it. I will rip out that presumptuous tongue of yours and ram it up your ass, and then I'll torture you at my own leisure, letting you bask in the exquisite pain."

* * *

Now, Naruto was beyond terrified. He was in fact, shitting himself. So much so that if you were to strap him to a chair and spin him around, he'd become something akin to a shit sprinkler, or perhaps a shit fountain.

After all, it wasn't everyday that you had a grown man whisper in your ear that he was going to make you suffer like some sort of unhinged, _incredibly_ fucked up girlfriend named Jeanne who just _wouldn't_ leave you alone even after you filed a lawsuit and several restraining orders. But Naruto knew that if he showed that fear, Zabuza would cut him down instantly, so instead of expelling his bowels unceremoniously onto the ground, he replied with a single word.

* * *

" _Kinky."_

Zabuza snapped, " _Die!_ " he roared.

Appearing right in the midst of Team Seven, his sword already swinging to take Naruto's head off. The blond closed his eyes and awaited his gruesome end, but the clang of metal upon metal caused him to open his eyes. In front of him, blocking the Swordsman's weapon with only a kunai and proving that size, in fact, _didn't_ matter, was Kakashi.

"Your fight's with me, Zabuza," he growled.

"I guess if I want to get to the brat, I'll have to finish you off then," the opposite of Gai in eyebrowed-magnificience growled.

Kakashi suddenly lunged forwards, stabbing his opponent in the gut with a kunai in his other hand.

Zabuza widened his eyes before dissipating into a puddle of water.

'A water clone!' Kakashi thought, 'Then the real one must be...'

"Right behind you," finished Zabuza, sword already buried deep into the other man's neck. He was surprised when he felt no resistance until his enemy also turned into a puddle of water. He felt the cold blade of a kunai on his throat.

"To copy my technique so quickly is impressive. As expected of 'The Man Who Copied Over a Thousand Techniques'," Zabuza commented.

Kakashi's reply was merely slitting his opponent's throat, again. It turned out that that one was a clone, _again._ Before the battle could devolve into a cluster fuck of water clones, Zabuza launched Kakashi into the lake that was nearby before jumping onto the surface of the water.

* * *

Kakashi surfaced from the lake, struggling to tread the water, 'This isn't ordinary water, it's too thick, like syrup!' Kakashi thought, but it was too late.

"You fool," said Zabuza, "You've sealed your fate."

Quickly forming several hand signs, he called out, "Suiton Release: Water Prison no Jutsu!"

A sphere of water rose up from the lake and surrounded Kakashi, effectively trapping him.

'Shit!' Kakashi cursed, 'I can't escape!'

"There's no use trying to escape, Kakashi. The sphere's walls are as strong as steel," Zabuza informed him, "And now to take care of your pesky little genin."

"Water release: Water Clone no Jutsu!" he cried, calling forth 4 clones that surged out of the water.

They stood in front of Team Seven and one started to mock them, "Foolish children. You run around playing ninja when you don't even know what that entails. When I was your age, my hands were already soiled with the blood of many," the clone spoke in a low growl.

"Wha- What?" stuttered Sakura.

"Run, you stand no chance against him! His clones can only go so far away from their master! Take the bridge builder and go!" Kakashi yelled from his prison.

"Not a chance, Kakashi-sensei! That option was thrown out the window ever since shit hit defcon fucking zero!" Naruto hollered back.

* * *

Naruto formed a hand sign and called out his signature technique, "Shadow Clone no Jutsu!"

20 clones popping into existence. "Get 'em boys!" he commanded. His small army of clones quickly doggy piled on one of Zabuza's own clone.

"Naruto, what are you doing?!" yelled Sakura.

"What does it look like, Sakura? I'm attacking the enemy! _Carpe Diem_! Seize the day!" Naruto answered, before joining the fray. His clones were quickly taken care of, but Zabuza was clearly having trouble with the real Naruto.

* * *

As Naruto engaged the man in a fierce taijutsu battle where his focus were the man's baby nuggets, one of the remaining three clones started to sneak up on the blond. Just before he could strike with his sword, he was forced to jump back as a giant fireball struck the spot where he was standing mere moments ago.

"I can't let you do that," Sasuke grunted before running at the surprised Zabuza clone. The doppelganger dodged some shuriken that were thrown his way.

"Is that all you got kid?" he snickered.

Sasuke merely replied by yanking on the threads that he had tied to the throwing stars, ensnaring his target and rendering him immobile.

"What?!"

"Katon release: Great Fireball no Jutsu!" Sasuke yelled and the clone knew no more.

* * *

One of the remaining clones headed off towards Sakura and Tazuna.

Sakura almost panicked, but steeled herself at the last moment, 'No! I am a kunoichi from Konohagakure! I can do this!'

Zabuza was surprised to find a fist meeting his face as he speed towards the bridge builder. It didn't have enough strength to dispel him, but it was enough to phase him.

* * *

"I'm impressed, Kakashi. Your brats aren't half bad," Zabuza complimented.

Kakashi didn't answer, opting to continue watching the battle.

* * *

Team Seven's training really shone through that day. Naruto and Sakura were able to hold their own against an opponent many times above their skill level. It also helped that the clones only held one tenth of Zabuza's strength and underestimated their power.

Naruto and Sakura eventually dispelled their opponents with well placed attacks to the yam bags. Naruto with his Buster Tag, and Sakura with a good old fashioned foot.

* * *

The last clone was regarding them with a bored look upon his face.

"Are you done?" he addressed them, "Well then, now it's my turn."

He blurred towards Naruto and Sasuke, who were grouped together, Sakura having retreated back to protect Tazuna.

He indiscriminately laid waste, kicking both their asses seven ways to Sunday. Feet, arms, fists, nary an appendage was spared in the severe application of the can of whoop ass that Zabuza had just opened.

The duo were thrown back, beaten bloody and groaning. Just because he was one tenth of his actual strength didn't mean he couldn't _beat the ever loving shit out of them._

* * *

"You little fools," he growled, "And you call yourselves shinobi? When I was your age, I had already taken my first life. My graduation exam was-" here he started monologuing, something about how he killed a whole Academy class, bathed in their blood and probably finger blasted himself at the sight of it. All _very_ interesting stuff, but what was really interesting was the conversation Sasuke and Naruto were having.

"We can't win against the guy, he's too strong!" Naruto cursed.

"I don't suppose you have a plan, dobe?" Sasuke asked in an astounding display of the ability to speak in more than monosyllabic sentences

Naruto thought for a second, "As a matter of fact, I do!"

He threw Sasuke one of his scrolls, "Find me a fuma shuriken while I distract Zabuza!" he exclaimed. Before Sasuke could ask why shouldn't _he_ go distract the man while _Naruto_ found what he wanted, the blond had already speed off towards the still monologuing sword-toting maniac.

"Why the fuck is a fuma shuriken in a scroll labelled 'Things That Go Boom?" Sasuke grumbled, quickly unsealed the contents of the seal, releasing one terrified looking and slightly smoking chicken in the process. As Naruto distracted Zabuza with his fleshy body to act as a punching back, he rummaged through the various shit that Naruto had deemed _absolutely_ necessary to the mission, a kitchen sink being one of them. After throwing away several objects of increasing absurdity, he finally found what he was looking for.

* * *

"Naruto! I got it!" he yelled.

"It's about damn time!" replied a _very_ bloody Naruto, who was having his shit kicked in spectacularly. He disengaged himself from his 'fight' if it could be called that, and retreated to Sasuke's side.

"So, what's the plan, dobe?" Sasuke enquired.

"Just watch, fuck-flaps," he replied before slinging the fuma shuriken at Zabuza.

"You really think you can hit me, little shrimp?" the clone taunted as the novelty sized shuriken flew towards him, but was surprised when it veered off course, curving around him. Naruto hadn't been aiming for Zabuza, he was aiming for Zabuza! The real one, that is.

"So it was me you were aiming for," Zabuza said, "It matters not, you are still weak."

He caught the shuriken with little effort, but was startled to see _another_ one heading towards him. It had been hiding in the shadow of the first one.

"Tch," Zabuza tch'ed, preparing to jump over the projectile. He was, however, taken by surprise when right in front of him, the shuriken disappeared in a cloud of smoke. In its place was a Naruto, who slammed crotch first into his face.

"Wha-?" was Zabuza's muffled question.

"Sup!" was the blond's bubbly greeting before exploding magnificently.

The rogue ninja was thrown back from the force of the explosion, his hold on the Water Prison no Jutsu broken.

Kakashi fell into the water, the sphere of water taking the brunt of the explosion.

"Good job, Naruto, Sasuke!" he called out after he surfaced, "And you too, Sakura! You all did spectacularly!"

"I'm going to kill that brat," growled Zabuza with singed hair and clothing. What little amount of eyebrows he had were singed off. He prepared to throw the fuma shuriken in his hands but was stopped by the hand of Kakashi.

"Your fight lies with me, Zabuza Momochi," Kakashi said with narrowed eyes, "Now that I've seen your technique, I won't be falling for it twice!"

He knocked the weapon from his opponent's hand and both jumped back. Zabuza started to form a long sequence of hand signs, with Kakashi copying his every movement.

"Suiton Release: Water Dragon Bullet no Jutsu!" they intoned at the same time. From the lake burst forth two immense dragons composed of water. The two water serpents coiled together, clashing against one another in a battle of the titans. Under them, their summoners were also having a heated battle, Zabuza attacking with his sword, the Kubikiribocho, and Kakashi with a trusty kunai. As the two dragons nullified one another, Kakashi and Zabuza were also in a standstill, blades locked together.

* * *

They once again jumped back, landing a few feet away from their opponent. As Zabuza started to form yet again a series of hand signs, he noticed that Kakashi was perfectly mirroring his actions.

'How is he doing that? It's almost as if he knows what I'm...' Zabuza thought.

"Going to do next?" Kakashi finished.

Zabuza was taken aback, and even as he continued doing his hand signs, he couldn't shake off this foreboding feeling. When he glanced at Kakashi's person, he saw behind him a figure. A figure that resembled himself. Shocked by what he had seen, he slowed his speed. That was all that Kakashi needed.

* * *

"Water Release: Water Hurricane no Jutsu!" he cried out. A vortex of water rose up from the lake, swirling around Kakashi before being propelled at tremendous speeds towards Zabuza.

'Impossible!' Zabuza thought even as he was swept off his feet like a puppy in front of a firehose, ' _I_ was about to create a Water Hurricane!'

In the water jutsu, Zabuza was being battered and bruised, thrown against the ground and various trees numerous times.

The attack finally abated, hurling him full force onto a tree. Four kunai greeted his arrival, pinning his limbs to the tree. Kakashi shunshined in front of his opponent.

"H-How?" Zabuza shakily asked, "Can you see the into the future?"

"Yes, I can, and _you_ don't exist in it," Kakashi coldly answered, preparing to throw a kunai into the man's heart.

Right before he could deal the killing blow, two senbon needles impaled themselves into the fallen man's neck, killing him instantly.

Kakashi looked around wildly for the person who threw the weapons. He need not look far, for a figure stood upon a tree branch, looking down on him.

"I'm terribly sorry to have stolen your kill, shinobi-san," the newcomer addressed Kakashi, "It's just that I have been tracking down Zabuza Momochi for several days, and I wanted to make certain he wouldn't get away."

"Its... Not a problem," Kakashi answered, wary of the unknown shinobi, "Judging by your appearance, you're a hunter-nin of Kirigakure."

"You are indeed correct."

The newly identified hunter-nin was clad in long robes, a mask adorned his face with the symbol for Kirigakure on the forehead.

* * *

"Sakura, what's a hunter-nin?" Naruto discreetly asked the girl from the sidelines.

"A hunter-nin, as you should know if you hadn't skipped every single Academy class, is an elite shinobi of a village, tasked with the mission of hunting down missing-nin from their village and disposing of their bodies to prevent village secrets from leaking out," the pinkette answered.

"Oh."

* * *

Kakashi walked up to Zabuza's corpse and felt for a pulse. Finding none, he walked to his team, thinking to himself, 'If I go by his height and voice, I'd say he's around Naruto's age. But to be so young and to already possess such a high level of skill... Whoever this person is, they're no ordinary kid.'

The Hunter-nin jumped off from his perch, picking up the body, "Now, if you would excuse me, I need to get rid of the remains." He disappeared in a swirl of leaves.

* * *

"Glad that's over!" Naruto exclaimed, before shrieking as his sensei collapsed right in front of him.

"Is the shit storm over?" Kakashi asked, exhausted from using the Sharingan for such a long period of time.

"I think it is, it's more of a shit drizzle now," Naruto replied.

* * *

 **And done! Sorry for the short delay and chapter. I'm sorry if the fight scene wasn't the greatest, as I said, I have no talent for that sort of thing. That's why I focus on humour mostly. I apologize if this chapter seems a bit rushed, I wanted to give you guys _something_ this week and not make you wait a month for an update, so I may end up rewriting this chapter (probably not). The chapter might've gotten more serious near the end, but that's because I felt like it fit the atmosphere. On a side note, we just hit 40k words! Hot damn! Someone said they were afraid I had abandoned this story, and worry not, unless I die in a glorious orgy involving several women, I will be continuing this story even if people stop reading this! I'd like to thank everyone who read, reviewed, favourited and followed this story, it means a lot. Leave a review, don't, I can't be bothered with telling you how to do you. Author, out!**


	12. Bonding Things

**Hey guys! I'm back, and it hasn't even been a month. Damn am I good or what? All joking aside, this chapter might get a bit more serious at one point and may be a bit lacking in humour. I appreciate the reviews, it gives me a tingly feeling in both my heart and my pants. Anyways, here's the next chapter!**

 **Story Go!**

"Sensei? Why are you on the ground?" Naruto enquired, it wasn't as if his teacher had just went toe to toe with an A-rank missing-nin and was feeling a _tad_ tired from the whole ordeal.

"Using the Sharingan for long periods of time requires a lot of chakra," Kakashi explained between pants, "I'm just suffering from chakra exhaustion."

He turned his head to Tazuna, "You said your house was nearby, right?"

"Yes, it's just a few miles away," the bridge builder answered.

Sasuke who, along with Sakura, was on the sidelines listening to the conversation, decided to butt in, "About the Sharingan, I have a few questions..."

"Wake me up when we get there!" was Kakashi's answer, before he closed his eyes and started to snore in an obscenely loud manner.

"Hnn..." Sasuke complained, reverting back to his usual, talkative self. He was angry at his teacher for not wanting to answer his questions.

"Let's go guys, no point in delaying!" Naruto exclaimed, "Sasuke, you can carry Kakashi-sensei to Tazuna's home."

"Hnn," Sasuke hnn'ed.

* * *

Naruto, after being in the black haired boy's company for a while, had started to understand his teammates strange groans that sounded like repressed sexual energy, "I don't know, and I don't care, how you're supposed to carry him! You're the genius, figure it out! You can drag him by his hair for all I care!"

After Naruto's poor choice of words, an Akimichi learning that there was an all-you-can-eat buffet at the other end of town wouldn't have been able to keep up with the black and silver blur that was Sasuke. He merrily ran down the road, glad at the chance to have revenge on his sensei, jumping over puddles, small rocks, animals, anything solid really, his incapacitated teacher closely following behind him.

Tazuna stared at the dust trail that the boy had left, "He does know that that's the wrong way, right?"

"He'll find out soon enough, let's get going!" was Naruto's nonchalant answer.

* * *

"I'm home!" Tazuna exclaimed. The group had just arrived at their destination, Sasuke having joined them some time along the way. Kakashi looked like he had seen far better days, his hair was missing in several spots, and a family of chipmunks seemed to have taken up abode in his kunai pouch.

"Father!" a black haired woman exclaimed as she ran out of the house to hug Tazuna, "It's so good to see you again, I was so worried!"

"There was no need to worry, Tsunami, I hired a team of shinobi to protect me, "Tazuna chuckled.

"These children? How could they possibly protect you?" the newly named Tsunami asked, turning to face the assembled Team Seven, "Why that blond one can't be older than Inari!"

"You fucking what?! I am _tired_ of hearing insults on my height! I should jam a-" Naruto started to rant before he was stopped when Sakura slammed a fist on his head.

"I'm sorry for my teammate, Tsunami-san. He's just fatigued from his recent battle," Sakura apologized with a smile, all the while planting her fists into Naruto's face hole.

"I thought so too, Tsunami, but I can assure you that I wouldn't be here if it weren't for them," Tazuna reassured his daughter.

"If you say so..." she replied, before noticing Kakashi laying on the ground, "Oh my, what happened to him! Bring him in, he needs medical attention!"

She quickly dragged Kakashi into her home. The trio exchanged looks before shrugging and following her.

* * *

"Ow, ow ow," complained Kakashi, rubbing his head, "Where am I and what the hell happened to my hair?"

The ground suddenly seemed _very_ interesting to Sasuke.

"You're in Tazuna's home, Kakashi-sensei," Sakura helpfully answered, completely avoiding the second question.

"Yush!" added Naruto, his face a breathtaking amalgam of red, blue and purple with bruises covering the near totality of it. It was almost as if some pink haired girl had slammed her foot numerous times into his fleshy visage, but that was ridiculous. It was also her fists and elbows.

"I see..." Kakashi muttered.

* * *

Tsunami entered the room, a platter of food in her hands, 'Oh, you're awake! How are you feeling, Kakashi-san?"

"I'm doing well, thank you," he replied, "You have my gratitude for taking us in."

"Nonsense, if anything, it should be me who's thanking you. You did, after all, protect my father," Tsunami responded, flustered.

"Only doing my job," Kakashi said.

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei," Naruto asked, his injuries having healed sufficiently so that he wouldn't sound like he had a mouth full of cotton balls when he spoke, "How long will it take for you to recover?"

The injured man thought for a moment before replying, "It'll be a week before I'm back to fighting capacities, but I should be able to walk around in a day or two. I just need to recover my chakra. You guys should also take the day off, I'm certain you're all tired too."

"You got it, sensei!" Naruto said before slamming onto the floor, dead asleep.

Sakura and Sasuke shook their heads at their blond teammate.

* * *

That night, Team Seven had their first, warm meals in days. Tsunami had made a delicious meal of food. Kakashi had been dragged down to the table to eat with them. Tsunami's son, Inari, also joined them. He was a small boy with black hair. Team Seven joked around during the whole meal, and aside from an incident where Sakura nearly killed Naruto with a spoon at one point, they had a good time. That was until Inari slammed his small fist on the table.

"How the hell can you guys be so happy?! Don't you know Gato is going to kill you all?!" he yelled, eyes blazing, before running to his room.

The happy atmosphere was quickly shattered.

"Damn, Sasuke. He almost has as much angst as you!" Naruto commented.

"I'm sorry for Inari's behaviour. He's been acting like that ever since he lost someone very dear to him," Tsunami said.

"No need to apologize, Tsunami-san, we've all lost someone important at one point in our life," Kakashi waved her off, his eyes suddenly growing distant.

They quickly finished their meal and headed off to bed.

* * *

True to his words, Kakashi was up and about the next day, albeit with the help of crutches. Beckoning to his students to join him, he walked out of the house.

"What are we doing, Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura asked.

"Training, of course!" he answered happily.

"But Kakashi-sensei, we're in the middle of a mission!" Naruto complained.

"Nonsense, Naruto! A true shinobi will take any time that he has to train!"

"A true shinobi, my ass," Naruto grumbled, "You're just sadistic."

"Today, we'll be training your chakra control," Kakashi said, completely ignoring his blond student's pining, "I noticed that some of you could do with better chakra control."

Here, Kakashi shot a look at Naruto, who rubbed his head sheepishly, the numerous times his experiments went wrong flashing through his mind.

"How are we supposed to do that?" Sakura said.

"Easy!" Kakashi replied, before walking up to a tree and then walking up said tree like a one eyed gecko, crutches and all. Completely horizontal to the tree trunk, he continued to walk until he reached a tree branch and was hanging upside down. Looking up, or was it down, to his baffled students below, he started to explain.

"This is the Tree Climbing exercise, a technique used to improve your chakra control. It involves sending chakra to your feet and using it to climb up the bark."

Kakashi threw down three kunai that landed with a thunk in front of the amazed students.

"Use those kunai to mark your progress," Kakashi told them.

Naruto was the first to recover from the awe inspiring sight of his teacher scaling the tree so casually.

He walked up to a tree, and tentatively placing his foot onto the bark. He channelled a bit of chakra into his feet and felt them stick a bit to the tree.

"Hey, this isn't too bad!" he exclaimed, applying a bit more chakra to his feet.

* * *

Now, Naruto, as previously attested, has a veritable _fuck ton_ of chakra. He had enough to rival most jounin, and then some. The problem with having such a large reserve of chakra was the control, or rather the lack of control. With chakra reserves the size of Naruto's, trying to perform any jutsu was like performing heart surgery with a sledgehammer. It didn't wield the best results, and usually ended in screaming and open wounds. That's why Naruto failed so many of his exams. And that's also why, Naruto's definition of a bit was anything but.

* * *

And so, when Naruto applied a "bit" of chakra to his feet, he was sent flying backwards like an ambitious cork from a champagne bottle, directly onto Sasuke's tinkle berries. They both gave out a loud yell, Sasuke from being hit in the _delicates_ with the force of a thousand men,and Naruto from having his head smacking into Sasuke's _special parts._

Sasuke rolled on the ground, tears in his eyes, and a glare that could wither plants directed to the blond that was furiously ripping hair out of his head.

"Oh, I forgot to mention, if you apply too much chakra, you'll be pushed off the tree, and if you apply too little, you won't stick!" Kakashi helpfully informed them.

"Tad late, don't you think?" Naruto griped, before calling out to his upside down teacher, "How am I supposed to control my chakra output, Kakashi-sensei?"

"Don't you control your output when making your seals?" Kakashi questioned.

"Nope! I just give as much chakra as I think they need!" Naruto happily replied.

Kakashi nearly lost his control at his student's idiocy.

"But that could overload the seals and... You know what, never mind. I'll let Sakura explain it to you," Kakashi muttered.

* * *

Sakura cleared her throat before she started to explain, "Chakra is the basis for all..." With her droning, high pitched voice, Naruto stopped paying attention almost immediately, but her voice demanded to be heard and he couldn't ignore it. It assaulted his ear drums like a small child with a high sugar level and a stick. He clutched his head in an overly dramatic fashion. He rolled on the ground, seriously contemplating seppuku via rusty and blunt kunai.

"End my suffering!" he cried out, "I can't take it anymore! Kami, have mercy on my soul!"

Sakura was broken out of her monologue by the loud screaming of the blond hellraiser.

"If you find my lecture that boring, you can figure it out yourself!," she said in a huff.

"Fine by me!" Naruto said, jumping to his feet with a smile.

'If I can't stick to the tree, I'll just...' he thought before setting off into a dead sprint towards the tall tree like some sort of demented squirrel thirsting for the blood of his enemies and acorns. He tripped right before reaching the tree, his face slamming onto the unforgiving wood.

'What an idiot...' was the unanimous thought of all present.

"Fuck me that hurts," Naruto said, holding a bleeding nose.

* * *

After that, Sakura and Sasuke joined their teammate in is endeavour to scale a tree, but in a much calmer fashion. Naruto had to change trees several time, having grown frustrated at his inability to climb a fucking tree and took out his anger by detonating said tree.

Sasuke was having better luck, having reached the halfway point several times. He had resorted to using Naruto's tactic of running towards the tree for extra momentum, minus the face planting however. As he fell once more in a failed attempt, he looked over to Naruto, who was furiously stabbing his fourth or fifth tree.

'At least I'm not as bad as him," he glanced at the markings of his most volatile teammate. Naruto had resorted to jumping as high as he could and slashing. The results weren't very high.

Sasuke turned his head to look at Sakura's progress. She was nowhere to be found on the ground when a voice called out to him from above.

"Sasuke-kun! Look at how high I am!" Sakura yelled. She was startled by the glare she received from her crush.

* * *

'How can a fangirl be better than me? An Uchiha!' he thought, furious from being outdone.

"Very good, Sakura!" Kakashi said, glancing up from his book, "You have an excellent grasp on your chakra control."

'It's probably from her low chakra reserves,' the man thought to himself, 'She has the opposite of Naruto's problem.'

"How about continue practising the exercise a few times. In addition to helping your control, it also increases your reserves!" Kakashi said with a smile.

"Alright, sensei!" Sakura replied.

* * *

This continued on for a good part of the day. Naruto eventually got the hang of directing the right amount of chakra to his feet. He still couldn't stick properly to the tree, but he was making progress. Sasuke was in the same boat, and the two had developed something of a rivalry to see who could climb the highest. Sakura, for her part, continued doing the exercise, occasionally taking breaks. She retired an hour before dinner time, to look presentable for her unwilling lover.

Sasuke and Naruto didn't stop however.

* * *

"Where are those boys," Tsunami asked, having prepared the table for dinner.

"Still outside training, I suspect," Tazuna answered, digging into his food and taking a swig from a bottle of sake.

"Dad, what did I say about drinking at the table?"

Tazuna was saved from his scolding by the rambunctious sound of Sasuke and Naruto walking into the room, arm in arm.

They were covered from head to toe in dirt and scratch marks, but they were laughing nonetheless.

'What the hell happened to them?' Kakashi thought, not believing his eyes. It was easier to think that the Hokage wasn't a pervert than it was for Naruto and Sasuke to get along. Usually when they were together, Naruto was an inch away from committing a felony.

 _Flashback_

Naruto and Sasuke were still going at it, running at trees and making slash marks at the highest point. They were neck and neck for the highest point. They were both exhausted from the day's training and knew that their next attempt would be their last.

They looked at each other, and nodded their heads in respect and recognition, their gazes resolute. They both set off in a dead sprint, set to be the one to climb the highest. Right as they felt their grip weakening, the kicked off from the tree, not forgetting to make a slash mark. They landed in a heap together, panting.

Naruto looked over at Sasuke, who lay beside him, "Hey, teme."

"Yea, dobe?" Sasuke answered.

"Let's make a promise."

"What sort of promise?"

"That one day, I will be stronger than you..." Naruto said.

"...And I you," Sasuke finished.

Naruto grinned at Sasuke, before turning his face to view the darkening twilight, the grin softening to a small smile, "The sky is beautiful tonight."

Sasuke chuckled.

"What is it?" Naruto asked, "Did I say something weird?"

"It's not that, I just never took you for the type to appreciate beauty."

Naruto also started to chortle, "I guess you're right."

Their chuckling soon turned to chortles, then full blown laughter. After a while, Naruto picked himself off, and stood up. He extended a hand towards Sasuke.

"Come on, Sakura and Kakashi are probably getting worried," he said.

"Yea, you're probably right," Sasuke replied, taking the hand offered to him.

 _Flashback end._

That night, something had changed in their bond. Something that would affect the fate of the world. That night, their bond changed from that of rivals to one of brothers.

They just didn't know it yet.

* * *

 **And done! Short chapter, I know. But I wanted to get _some_ sort of development in the relation between Sasuke and Naruto. I'm sorry if this chapter lacked humour, but I didn't feel like it was the right thing for it. Worry not, the next one will go back to my usual crass style! Huzzah. Anyways, I've already made plans for how the story will unfold, but I won't tell you. Wouldn't do to ruin the surprise now would it? While I may not reply to reviews directly, I _do_ read every single one, and they're all greatly appreciated! I just don't want to make these already lengthy author notes any longer. Anyways, you know the drill, leave a review, don't. I don't care, but your thoughts on the chapter, especially the ending would be welcome with open arms! Author, out!**


	13. Bridge Things

**Hey guys, I'm back. Long time to update, I know, but a number of factors screwed me over. Finals are coming right around the corner and my ass isn't ready for them. That coupled with lack of motivation isn't the greatest of combos. But hey, 50 favourites, so long chapter is coming up! Hurray. Anyways, on with the show!**

 **Story go!**

Naruto saw that everyone was staring at them, bemused expressions for Tsunami and Tazuna, and jealousy and outright horror for Sakura and Kakashi.

"Hey guys!" he waved, "What's for dinner, I'm starved!"

Naruto was completely oblivious to the miracle that was happening. Kakashi just continued to stare. Naruto nudged Sasuke's side and pointed at Kakashi, uttering only one word, "Squirrel," before both of them erupted into uproarious laughter.

The shell shocked members of team Seven eventually got over their stupor, and things settled down. They all sat down to eat, Inari being absent, a fact that Tsunami apologized profusely about. After finishing the hearty meal Tazuna's daughter had prepared for them, the shinobi retired for the night.

* * *

Kakashi laid in his bed, thinking to himself. "Protecting the client should be easy enough now that Zabuza has been taken out of the equation." His thoughts strayed to the hunter-nin, who had disposed of the mercenary's body.

'Something's been bothering me, though...' Kakashi thought, 'It's almost as if...'

" _Fuck."_

* * *

The next morning, team Seven filed into place in front of Kakashi. The man seemed uncharacteristically serious, something that Sakura commented on, "Is there something wrong, Kakashi-sensei?"

"I've realized something grave. Sakura, what is the job of a hunter-nin?" the silver-haired jounin suddenly asked.

"The job of a hunter-nin is to track down and kill any missing-nin of their village, to prevent their enemies from discerning any secrets," she readily answered.

"Very good," he praised, "And once their target has been taken care of, what is their first task?"

"To dispose of the body," Sakura responded.

"And what did the hunter-nin do with Zabuza's body?"

"He left with it, but I don't see..." realization seemed to strike the girl, "Oh no..."

"Hold up, I don't quite catch what's going on," a certain idiot butted in.

"It means, Naruto, that Zabuza isn't dead," Kakashi informed him.

"Wait, not dead like zombies?"

"You're a fucking idiot..." Sasuke muttered.

"Not dead as in he was never killed. The hunter-nin was probably working for him," Kakashi said.

"Well fuck me sideways, we're going to have to fight him again, aren't we?" Naruto cursed.

"Yes, but from the wounds we inflicted on him, it'll take him at least a week to recover." Kakashi did a mental calculation.

"So we have at most a week of training to whoop Zabuza's tall ass once more?" was Naruto's decisively overly optimistic question.

"Indeed, but this time, he'll know our abilities and have a partner," Kakashi explained.

"Don't worry, Kakashi-sensei, I haven't show everything that I have up my sleeve," Naruto replied, rubbing his hands in a truly disturbing fashion while also laughing manically. His two teammates edged away from their demented partner, who had recently been going into bouts of psychotic mirth a bit _too_ often for their taste.

* * *

That day, Kakashi drove them into the ground, testing their abilities to the very limit. Naruto and Sasuke had finally mastered the Tree Climbing exercise, with a lot of profanity being thrown about against trees and Mother Nature in general by the former. Their sensei then had them have spars as they stood on the tree barks and limbs, to train their endurance, their balance and to increase their chakra reserves and control. It was all great training really, but to Naruto, it was pure hell.

* * *

"Just because Zabuza isn't dead doesn't mean that he has to kill _us,"_ Naruto complained, rubbing his behind from the many times he fell. Explicit language was used in abundance during those times.

"If I don't do it, then Zabuza might _actually_ kill you!" Kakashi said in a much too cheerful manner, appearing suddenly next to Naruto with a poof and an eye smile.

Naruto's shriek was one that Kakashi would never forget.

"Now then, you guys are making great progress in your training!" he said with a clap.

"I don't suppose that means you're going to give us a break, right?" Naruto groaned from the ground.

"Not a snowball's chance in hell!"

Naruto once again turned his face into the ground and screamed.

* * *

"That fucking brat, I swear I'm going to kill him slowly," Zabuza said through grated teeth. He was laying on a bed, covered from head to toe in bandages. It was quite comical, actually, an A-rank missing-nin reduced to being a cocoon. A cocoon that could kill you with its bare hands, but a ridiculous sight nonetheless.

"You've said that a thousand times, Master, now be still as I dress your wounds," a figure was sitting on a chair next to the bed, applying salves to the man's various burns and gashes.

The two were stashed in a hideout, recovering from their previous defeat.

"You have my thanks for getting me out of that tight spot, Haku, but did you have to be so rough?" Zabuza made a motion to rub his neck, but was stopped by a slap to the hand. He glared at the newly named Haku.

"It was the only way. I could only react so quickly and I valued your life over your comfort." Haku finished wrapping up the final bandage.

Zabuza merely grunted.

"I do not know why you continue with your dealings with Gato, Zabuza-san," Haku commented.

"You know fully well. To go against the client is to go against the shinobi code. Gato, however despicable he may be, will provide us with the funds and information that we need," Zabuza replied, remembering when the man had visited them a few days back.

 _Flashback_

"How the mighty have fallen," a voice said from the doorway of their hideout, "Zabuza, Demon of the Hidden Mist, has been degraded into such a state. It makes me wonder if you're really worth the price I'm paying you, if you can't even take care of a genin team."

"Gato..." Zabuza growled

"Yes, Gato," the newly named man said. Gato was a man of small stature, with brown hair and sporting sunglasses. He looked like a goblin had decided to go into business, but then again, a goblin was less crooked.

"Look at you," Gato sneered, "What a joke." He made to hit the injured man but was stopped by the vice-like grip of Haku, who had previously gone unnoticed.

"Why you... Let go of me!"

Haku responded by merely tightening his grip, snapping the business man's wrist.

"I'm going to kill you!" Gato screamed in pain, gesturing for his two body guards, who had been standing stupidly until then, to attack the boy. Haku didn't give them that chance, and in the blink of an eye, had both of their weapons at the respective throats of their owner.

"Enough," Zabuza intoned, "Stop this nonsense. I will take care of Kakashi and the bridge builder once I have recovered. I expect my payment to be ready when I do."

"It will be if you manage to kill them all..." Gato glared at Haku before turning to leave the building.

 _Flashback end_

It still made Zabuza seethe with anger at the way Gato viewed his skills, but he was the client, and to attack the client is to go against the code. He would deal with it until his task was over. Movement in the corner of his eye caught his attention. Turning his head, he saw that Haku was getting dressed.

"Where are you off to now?" he asked.

"We're out of medicine, there's a clearing not too far away that has the plants that I need. I'll be back by tomorrow morning," Haku answered before swiftly departing.

Zabuza was left to stew in his thoughts of revenge and dismemberment.

* * *

There were only 5 days until Zabuza's supposed recovery. Kakashi had delegated team Seven to Tsunami to help with some chores. The woman send them off to the town to get some supplies that she needed for the night's dinner. Glad to finally be free of their sensei's gruelling training, they happily complied. Their cheerfulness quickly disappeared once they saw the state of the town. Everywhere they looked, desolation and poverty seemed to surround them. Buildings were in ruins and rows upon rows of people lined the road, begging for food, water, money, anything really. The atmosphere was heavy with despair. There seemed to be no joy in the air, no playing children, no chatter or sounds that made a town be alive.

* * *

"What the hell _happened_ here?" Naruto asked. Which was positively the most idiotic thing our blond protagonist has ever asked.

"Gato happened," Tsunami answered, "He came out of nowhere to this town, and ruined the economy. He has an army of thugs who roam the streets, taxing the people they find, and beating up those who can't pay. The townsfolk barely make enough money to survive."

"What a fucking drag... Think they sell ramen here?" Naruto truly was an idiot.

"You brought enough instant ramen to feed an army, how can you _possibly_ be out?" Sakura demanded to know. She had seen Naruto's stash of ramen, and quite honestly, it scared her. The sheer amount of money need to buy his supply must've been ridiculously high.

"And besides, we're in a town in _ruins!_ People are probably _dying."_ Sakura continued without turning around to face the boy. "Of _course_ they aren't going to... sell... ramen..." She trailed off as she turned around, only to see Naruto stuffing what seemed to be a mountain of ramen, as an old man cried tears of joy in the background.

"Sorry, you were saying?" Naruto asked.

"I give up..." she muttered.

* * *

The group quickly finished their supply run and were heading back home. Naruto was waylaid in the back by a small child who wanted to show him a magic trick in exchange for a pack of ramen. Sasuke had stayed with him, to make certain that the blond boy didn't die from sheer amazement from a simple card trick.

Sakura and Tsunami were a ways ahead of them, when suddenly they were stopped by a group of men.

"Well, well, well. What do we have here, boys? Two pretty women, all alone?" one of them mockingly asked, "You girls should be careful. This town ain't what it used to be, you could run into some _dangerous_ people." Here, the man, along with his friends chuckled.

Sakura tried to push past the group, but was stopped by a hand on her shoulder.

"Just where do you thing _you're_ going?" the man asked.

'Shit,' Sakura though to herself, 'There's too many of them. I'd be able to take on one, maybe two of them, but eight? I need to stall for time.'

"Run, Tsunami!" she screamed as she slammed her palm into the jaw of the man, effectively fixing his rather unfortunate overbite. Tsunami scrambled away in the direction of the two boys.

* * *

"A fighter, eh?" another thug said, pulling out a knife, "I like it when they fight."

He lunged towards her, intent on slashing her face, but was stopped by Sakura's fist impacting into his face. The remaining six men looked at each other before jumping onto the girl. She put up a valiant fight, but was soon overwhelmed. They bustled her into a nearby alley.

"Hold her down, boys! This is going to be fun!" one of them said, before he was blown back by an explosion.

"And just what the _fuck_ is going on here?" an unquestionably pissed Naruto asked rhetorically. His face was obscured by the alley's darkness, but his eyes seemed to shine. They shone in the darkness a brilliant and cold blue. They were the colour of an iceberg before it crashed into your ship. Unforgiving and frigid. His voice held unbridled rage. He was flanked by an equally angry Sasuke, with a distressed-looking Tsunami hiding in the background.

"So the girl has some boyfriends?" a goon commented, completely ignoring the face that one of their own was just sent flying.

Naruto levelled the man with a glare, before putting his hands up in a single sign.

He uttered a single word, "Destroy."

The beat down that ensued would instill a new found respect for Naruto in his two teammates, along with a bit of fear. He was merciless, indiscriminately using a mixture of explosive tags, clones and body parts to lay waste to the thugs.

* * *

Once the matter was taken care of, he turned to Sakura, his eyes immediately softening.

"Are you okay? They didn't do anything did they?" he asked, worried. Gone was the idiotic boy, in his place stood a trustworthy, loyal teammate instead.

"You stopped them before they could do anything." she buried her head into his shoulder. "Thank you," she sobbed.

Naruto was at a loss for words. He didn't know how to react, so he awkwardly patted her on the head.

"You little shit," one of the men on the ground groaned, before suddenly lunging at Sakura with a knife. Naruto reacted on instincts, throwing Sakura off of him. With one hand, he grabbed the man's hand, forcing him to drop the knife, with his other hand, he sought a kunai before plunging it into the man's chest.

Silence reigned in to alley, save for the dying gasps of the man. Naruto stared shell shocked at the kunai in his hand.

"Naruto?" Sakura asked quietly.

Her voice seemed to snap him out of his stupor. He dropped the kunai like it was made of hot lead and held his hands over his head.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck..." he trailed on and on, rocking back and forth.

"Naruto," Sakura said again, this time a bit more firmly.

He snapped his head in her direction. His eyes were wild and terrified.

"Stay away!" he yelled before he broke off into a sprint.

"Naruto!"

* * *

Naruto ran into Tazuna's home, heading straight for his room, slamming the door shut. Kakashi was alarmed to see a bloody Naruto rush past him. He was about to go after him when the voices of Sakura and Tsunami stopped him.

"Kakashi-sensei! Have you seen Naruto?" Sakura asked, panting.

"He just ran by me, what happened?" Kakashi asked.

"He... He killed someone." Sakura had some trouble answering her teacher.

' Oh God no,' Kakashi thought, panicking, 'I was hoping this wouldn't happen until much later...'

His first instinct was to go see the boy immediately, but he had his other duties as a teacher to also attend to. Mainly being the well-being of Sakura and Sasuke.

"What happened, are you guys okay?"

"We're all fine. A group of men attacked me and Tsunami, but Naruto and Sasuke drove them off. One of them lunged at Naruto with a knife, and Naruto stabbed the man in the chest, killing him. Now go see Naruto, there's something wrong with him!" Sakura explained, before nearly pleading at the end.

"Right, of course." Kakashi set off to Naruto's room.

* * *

Kakashi knocked on the door before entering.

Naruto was curled up on his bed, unmoving.

"Hey kiddo, how are you doing?" Kakashi tentatively asked.

"Go away..." Naruto muttered.

"Naruto," Kakashi softly said, "It helps to talk."

"Talk about what?!" Naruto suddenly whirled upon the man, his face distraught. "That I killed a man? That I took away someone's life?! How am I supposed to talk about _that_?!"

Naruto tried to calm himself down but it was clear that he was on the verge of tears, "I _killed_ someone, Kakashi. I took away somebody's son, somebody's father or husband or brother... I'm a murderer, a monster. I'm a _monster_!" Naruto broke down into tears.

Kakashi didn't know how to respond. Emotions were never his forte, and they quite frankly made him uncomfortable. But his student needed him, and he'd be damned if he walked away. He sat down next to the crying boy, rubbing hand on his back.

"You are not a monster, Naruto. The fact that you feel guilt and remorse proves that to me." Kakashi started to talk, "To feel shame at taking the life of another is only human. But you shouldn't feel ashamed for taking the life of the one you did. Remorseful, yes, but ashamed, never. It's always a shame for a living being to die, but you took their life to save another. They didn't deserve to live, because if they did, they would've continued on with their despicable ways. If you really were a monster, you would've enjoyed killing them, you wouldn't be feeling the way you are right now. So, I say again to you, Naruto, you are no monster." At the end of his little speech, Kakashi's voice turned hard as steel, firm in his belief.

After a brief moment of silence, Naruto spoke up.

"I never thought about this side of being a shinobi," he said softly, "I always thought it was all about beating the bad guys and learning new jutsu... I never thought about how I would do that... How do you cope with it, Kakashi?"

"We all have our ways. Some like me, bury it by reading, others with training, or drinking. But don't think for a moment that we aren't affected by it. Believe me, we are..." Kakashi's voice suddenly took on a different tone, one of a man haunted by his past sins. "I have taken many lives, and I may not move on to the pure land, but I did so to save the lives of my comrades and village. And for that reason, I can live with the burden."

He didn't want to talk about the other horrors that the life of a shinobi brought. Seeing his comrades die off, one by one. Seeing countless civilians be killed. About seeing horrors unfold as he could only look on, powerless to do anything. No, he'd rather have Naruto live through it himself and have him to fall back on to be consoled.

"Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto asked.

"Hmm, Naruto?"

"Thank you."

"No problem kiddo."

* * *

Dinner that night was subdued. Naruto had come down from his room, and was trying to be his normal self, with little success.

"So you finally realized your predicament?" Inari sneered, "Realized how futile it is to fight Gato? Heroes don't exist! You guys don't know true suffering, of losing a loved one."

A hand slammed down onto the table, silencing the boy. Naruto was staring hard at his hand, seemingly trying to get a hold of his words before shaking his head and storming out of the house. When Kakashi asked where he was going, he only said "Out."

Sakura and Sasuke made a motion to follow him, but were stopped by Kakashi shaking his head.

"What's wrong with him?" Inari scoffed.

"Aside from the fact that he just _killed_ someone? Oh, not much," Sasuke growled in an unexpected show of emotions, "Naruto's an orphan. He never knew the touch of a loved one, or the compassion of a mother. You're _lucky_ that you know your mother. And don't you _dare_ talk to us about suffering or losing a loved one. I lost my whole _clan_ in one night." Sasuke seethed in anger, before heading off for his room. Dinner, needless to say, was continued on in complete silence.

* * *

Naruto had gone off into the nearby forest, intent on blowing off some steam. Steam for Naruto meant blowing some shit up. And blow some shit up he did. Explosion after explosion rocked the previously tranquil night, before Naruto finally collapsed onto the grass, exhausted from the extensive use of chakra and from the day's events.

* * *

Haku was surprised to find that the clearing where he usually gathered his medicinal herbs was in complete chaos. Small fires were raging, craters pockmarked the ground and there seem to be several terrified and smocking chickens running around. In the middle of the fray was a blond boy, who seemed dead to the world, snoring away. Birds had taken domicile in his hair and a squirrel had taken over his kunai pouch. Haku approached the boy, curious as to who would be able to cause such devastation. He was startled to find that it was the same boy that had caused his master such grief. Glancing left and right, Haku's hands slowly reached for the boy, whether to wake up up or strangle him he knew not. He didn't have to decide, as Naruto's own hand suddenly grabbed Haku's.

'Such speed!' he thought, before noticing that Naruto wasn't even fully awake, 'His senses must be incredible.'

"Morning..." Naruto said with a yawn, before opening his eyes. He seemed to be perplexed by his surroundings, "Wait a minute, this isn't my room..."

He suddenly remembered what had happened last night, and also that he appeared to be holding somebody's hand in his own.

Following the hand to its owner, he was surprised to find that it belonged to a pretty girl.

"Sorry!" Naruto apologized, "I must've had a bad dream."

'It wasn't a bad dream...' Haku thought to himself on the inside. On the outside, however, he said, "It's fine! I was about to wake you up."

"Say, what's a girl like you doing out in the wild?" Naruto asked.

"Well, you see, I came here to gather some medicinal plants, my guardian has become very sick. This clearing usually has the plants that I need but..." Haku trailed off.

"But...? Oh, shit! Sorry!" Naruto apologized again, just noticing the destruction around him.

"Don't worry about it, there are plenty more plants around the clearing." Haky laughed.

"I'll help you gather some!" Naruto offered.

"I'd... like that," Haku accepted his offer.

* * *

As they gathered the herbs, Haku and Naruto engaged in idle chitchat.

"So, you're a shinobi, Naruto-san?" Haku asked. He already knew the answer to that question, but he needed to keep up with his disguise.

"You noticed?!" Naruto happily exclaimed, glad to have someone he could brag to. "My dream is to become Hokage of my village and prove to everyone how strong I am!"

Haku laughed again, before asking "Why do you fight, Naruto-san?"

"Why do I fight? I...Uh..." he was at a loss for words.

"I find that when you have someone who is dear to you and whom you want to protect, you can become much stronger," Haku said.

Naruto seemed to ponder on his words before smiling, "Yea, I guess I can see what you mean."

Haku got up from his crouched position, "Thank you for your help, Naruto-san, but I'm afraid I need to go, else my guardian will start to get worried."

"Bye, Haku!" Naruto yelled, waving.

Before exiting the clearing, Haku turned halfway towards Naruto and said, "By the way, I'm a guy."

He then disappeared without a trace.

"Wait, _what!?_ " Naruto screamed, before slamming his head repetitively onto the trunk of a tree, all the while saying, "I'm a fucking idiot."

* * *

Naruto returned that morning different. He was still his usual self, but on closer inspection, one could see that some fundamental change had occurred. It would be the basis for his way of life, for his nindo and reason to live. Something that was starting to become more and more stark with every passing year. Compassion.

* * *

It was the night of the same day that Naruto had met Haku. Kakashi was relaxing on the roof of Tazuna's home, reading his porn- short novel. He was giggling perversely at the most recent antics of Hoshi when he was interrupted by the arrival of a certain blond boy.

"Hey Kakashi," Naruto greeted, fiddling with a scroll on his back.

Kakashi responded with a glance in his general direction, not pulling out his nose from his book.

"I've been thinking-," Naruto started.

"Always a dangerous thing, especially for you," Kakashi said.

"-of a way of dealing with Zabuza, or at least Gato." Naruto continued, completely ignoring his teacher's comments.

This got Kakashi's undivided attention. He snapped his book shut and turned to face his student.

"Well, you know how Gato has an army of thugs?"

"Hmm."

"Well, I was thinking, if we could take their numbers down, Gato's hold on the town will be greatly weakened."

"No can do," Kakashi rejected the idea immediately, "The goal of the mission is to guard Tazuna as he builds the bridge. Going after Gato is a completely different task."

"But what if Gato attacks the bridge with his thugs? We'll regret not having struck first. And what if he comes with both Zabuza _and_ his army. We'd be neck deep in shit in an ocean of shit," Naruto countered.

"Even if we went after Gato, how would we deal with his facilities? It's bound to be huge..." Kakashi retorted.

"No need to worry, sensei," Naruto confidently said.

"I don't suppose you have a plan and prepared for it?" Kakashi skeptically asked.

Naruto jumped off the roof, walking a ways in front of the building before unfurling the scroll that was on his back and laying it on the ground.

He unsealed the contents, and disappeared in the giant cloud of smoke that suddenly appeared. Naruto's disembodied voice resonated across the night.

"I always come prepared."

As the smoke cloud dissipated, Kakashi nearly had a heart attack from the sight he beheld. From what was previously an empty front yard was now occupied by a veritable mountain of explosive tags. Its height easily rivalled that of the house, which in itself was no small feat. Sat upon all of this was Naruto, grinning widely at Kakashi's face.

"So what say you, shall we go blow some things up?" Naruto asked.

What could _possibly_ go wrong?

* * *

A lot of things. A lot of fucking things could go wrong. Naruto and team Seven were running away from a pack of armed men, all brandishing objects of the sharp disposition and wanting to ram said objects with great relish into his young body. But perhaps that's getting ahead of the story.

 _Flashback_

"This is a terrible plan," Sasuke said.

"Have faith in me, young grasshopper," Naruto replied, "I haven't nearly killed you that many times."

"The time with the gopher? That old lady? The _mayonnaise?_ "

"Point taken."

* * *

Team Seven were hidden away near one of Gato's many bases for his thugs. It was tucked away in the forest that surrounded the town of the Land of Waves. It was once an abandoned warehouse, but Gato appropriated it and transformed it into his own post. Mercenaries were milling about in the base, doing mercenary stuff, which Naruto presumed to be counting stacks of cash and kicking puppies.

* * *

The original plan was to attack Gato's main base, but once Naruto saw the defences at the place, he quickly said "Fuck that noise" and decided to attack the branches. Gato had 4 or 5 bases dedicated to housing his army of thugs, and team Seven wanted to hit at least 2 of them. The plan was quite simple in theory. Naruto was to create a squad of clones who would henge into nondescript mercenaries and would go about the complexes, planting explosive tags as they went along. They would then dispel themselves and Naruto would blow the whole thing to kingdom come. That was the plan at least. Much like marriage, however, it looked great on paper but when put in practice shit rapidly hit the fan. All was going fine, Naruto had supplied his clones with enough tags to level a whole city block, so hitting a warehouse with that sheer amount of tags was _slightly_ overkill.

But hey, go big or go home, right?

* * *

As was said, all was going well. That is until one of his clones was apprehended. A mercenary laughing in a downright psychotic manner is not exactly _inconspicuous_. Especially so when said mercenary has enough tags on his person that one could use the paper to make the most fucking _amazing_ origami swan in existence.

So, the alarm was quickly raised and people were on high alert. Naruto decided to finish the deed with a _bang_ so to speak.

He quickly poked his head out from his hiding spot and yelled,"This is for the puppies, you bumblefucks!"

His statement was quickly followed by him forming the ram seal and screaming "Boom!" in a child like manner.

Nothing happened.

"Aw, fucknuts!" he exclaimed, quickly reforming the seal several times.

The thugs, now informed of their targets location, were about to storm out of the complex, prepared to fuck some shit _up._

"Naruto, you placed an amount of tags that's substantially higher than the norm! You're going to need to increase your chakra output by an exponential margin!" Sakura yelled.

"The _fuck_ did you just say? Speak English, woman!" Naruto replied.

"Just increase the amount of chakra you're using!"

"Why didn't you just fucking say so?!"

Naruto formed the handseal once more and channelled a considerably larger amount of chakra. The results were... explosive to say the least.

"Aw hell yea, that's what I'm talking about!" Naruto exclaimed as he saw the detonations that were rocking the area with great enthusiasm. It was like the rocking chair of an old lady hopped up on several pounds of caffeine and cocaine.

* * *

Naruto had only used C-rank tags, sprinkled in with a few B-ranks, but since he didn't know how much chakra to use, he just decided to say "Fuck it" and send in as much as he could. Needless to say, he overloaded every single one of his seals. And there were a lot of seals, like, a fucking _lot._ So what happens when a positively shit-ton of tags become overloaded? Well, you get one hell of a fuckshow. The C-rank tags, who previously only had the power to make a foot wide crater, now wielded the power of a B-rank tag that could destroy everything in a radius of several meters. And wield it they did. The B-ranks for their part, well, they decided that go big or go home wasn't accurate enough. Rather, they decided to go fuck everything up or go home. And fuck everything up they did. When an overloaded B-rank tag blew up next to or near you, you got out of there, and you got out of there _fast._ To top it all off, Naruto had decided to plant an A-rank tag right bang in the middle of the complex, for redundancy's sake. Thankfully, most of the chakra was absorbed by the other tags, but that didn't stop it from engulfing the whole place in a fiery ball of redundant fire.

 _Slightly_ overkill.

* * *

Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on whose side you were on, a group of mercenaries had managed to escape the blast radius, and they wanted _blood_. They already knew where their quarry lay in hiding and sped off to attack them.

"Guys, we got a group of 20 heading towards us," Sasuke said nonchalantly.

"Fall back, there are too many for you guys to handle," Kakashi instructed his team. While usually, he'd be all up to maim and mutila- take care of them, he felt that his team, especially Naruto, wasn't ready, as much as he'd like to enact revenge on Gato's thugs.

* * *

They quickly retreated into the forest, where Naruto had had clones place a number of traps, all aimed to incapacitate rather than kill. Among them included a squadron of rabid and armed gophers and a sink, that exploded. He just _knew_ that would come in handy sooner or later. Team Seven lost their pursuers, something about the screams being emitted from the forest told them they wouldn't be followed anytime soon.

* * *

They all stopped for a while to regain their breaths. Kakashi turned towards his student responsible for all of the carnage.

"Are you alright, Naruto?" the question in itself was quite innocent, but the underlying one wasn't missed by the blond. He had probably killed more people with that attack.

But Naruto put a front, if to reassure both himself and his team, "No need to worry, Sensei! I feel fine!"

Kakashi stared long and hard at the boy, before seemingly satisfied with his answer, he nodded his head.

"Well," Kakashi said, "Let's get going, we still have another base to take care of."

* * *

Base number 2 went off with nary a hitch, aside from a part where Naruto threw a chipmunk at a thug. Once their assault on Gato's army was finished, they all retired to Tazuna's house, to recuperate their forces. There was, after all, only 4 days, including today, until Zabuza's earliest recovery. Before Kakashi went off to bed, he stopped by Naruto's door. He was worried for Naruto. He heard noises coming from inside the room. The silver-haired cyclops placed his ear on the door, and distinctively heard the sound of sobbing. Although it was hard to do so, Kakashi decided to leave it be. The boy needed some time alone. Naruto would eventually come to terms with it, and learn how to deal with his inner demons, as much as it pained him to think about it. Such was the life of a shinobi.

* * *

"Those _bastards!_ I'll kill them all!" Gato seethed. He was still reeling from the loss over half of his attack force. He didn't care about the loss of life, rather he was upset about the wasted money and lost power.

"You there!" he barked at one of his bodyguards, Zori, "When did Zabuza say that he would attack the bridge builder?"

"Four days from now," Zori replied.

"I'll show them why they shouldn't _fuck_ with Gato," the midget for a man said, rubbing his hands together.

* * *

There was only a day left before Zabuza's comeback, and tensions were high. Team Seven had spent the past three days training and resting. They had also taken turns guarding Tazuna. It wouldn't do for them to go through so much trouble only to have their client be killed, now would it? When Tazuna discovered that Naruto could make a legion of clones that could work, he nearly cried tears of joy. Needless to say, he worked the clones to the metaphorical bones.

* * *

Naruto decided to spend the last day training his hardest. Slightly too hard, for after nearly twelve hours of gruelling training, he fell to the ground, fast asleep in the same clearing as last time.

It was the next morning, and the members of team Seven were starting to get worried.

"Where _is_ he?!" Sakura yelled and asked in an interesting combo.

"He's probably asleep somewhere, exhausted from training," Sasuke replied, not knowing how close he was to the mark.

"It matters not, he'll catch up with us when he wakes up. Today, protecting Tazuna is our top priority," Kakashi said, seriously serious for once.

Team Seven headed off with Tazuna.

They immediately knew something was wrong when they saw the deep mist that had engulfed the unfinished bridge. Screams echoed in the air, and the sound of liquids could be heard hitting the ground. From the fog strolled out a figure, Zabuza.

* * *

"Man, I overslept!" Naruto yelled, dashing towards Tazuna's home, "Damn, Kakashi-sensei is going to _kill_ me!"

When he arrived near Tazuna's house, he noticed the screams of terror, which were quite hard to miss. He hastened his speed.

* * *

It was supposed to be a normal day for Tsunami. Tazuna would go continue building the bridge and the shinobi would protect him. She would prepare the evening meal and that routine wold continue on until the bridge was completed. Well, that routine just about fucked out the window a few minutes ago. Two men, who she recognized to be Gato's personal bodyguards, Zori and Waraji, had captured her son and were holding him hostage.

"Hey now, if you come quietly with us, we won't hurt the boy," one of the two sneered, Zori. They had come to take Tsunami and Inari as bargaining chips in case Zabuza failed. Gato was a cautious man.

"If you lay a hand on a single hair of his, I'll bite my tongue off!" she proclaimed, and as if to prove her point, she put her tongue in between her teeth.

"Yeesh, calm down, lady. Here, you can take the boy, we need the two of you alive anyways," the other, Waraji said, pushing Inari roughly towards his mother. He then lunged at Tsunami, who shoved her son out of the way.

"Run, Inari! Find help!" she screamed as she was quickly captured.

"Yes, run little boy! Run like the coward that your 'hero' was!" Zori taunted.

Inari seemed torn, he wanted to save his mother, desperately so, but he was scared to do it. He was quickly forgotten by the two thugs, who turned their attention to their victim.

"You think the boss would mind if we-" whatever Waraji was going to say was disrupted by a rock hitting him on the back of the head.

"You little brat!" he fumed, "I'm going to kill you!"

He walked slowly towards the terrified boy that had thrown the rock, sword at the ready to behead him. Inari closed his eyes, waiting for his impending doom.

'Am I going to die? Just like he did?' he asked himself before an explosion expelled him out of his thoughts. Waraji had been hit with some sort of explosion, that launched him through the wall, his partner Zori having suffered a similar fate.

* * *

Where Waraji once stood was another figure, this one considerably shorter. Inari looked up from the floor.

"Yo!" Naruto said.

'Yes! Epic hero entrance, achieved!' he thought in his head.

Inari ran towards his mother, who seemed for the most part unharmed.

"Inari!" she exclaimed, engulfing her son in a tight hug.

Naruto slowly walked past the duo.

"Where are you going, Naruto?" Tsunami asked, still hugging her son.

"To kick some ass." Naruto replied not looking back.

Just as he was about to leave the building, he turned around.

"Oh, and Inari? Good job. You said before that heroes didn't exist. Well, when heroes cease to exist, it's up to people like us to take up their mantle, and I think you took the first step down that path." Naruto finished with a large grin plastered on his face before speeding off.

Inari was left with some serious thinking to do.

* * *

Back on the bridge, shit was going down, or at least it was about to.

Zabuza, flanked by the fake hunter-nin were facing off against team Seven sans Naruto.

"Oh, where is that blond haired brat? I was looking forward to disemboweling him..." Zabuza said.

"Naruto isn't your concern, your fight lies with me!" Kakashi said.

Zabuza and Haku slowly faded into the mist.

Suddenly, Zabuza's voice was heard all around them.

"Indeed it does," the group of water clones all intone at the same time before they were dispelled by the blade of a certain Uchiha.

"Oh my, the brat's improved," Zabuza commented idly, "Looks like you have a rival, Haku."

"Tch," Haku said, "It matters not. I will crush him."

* * *

He sped towards Sasuke, senbon at the ready, where he was quickly repelled by a kick to the stomach. Thrown a ways back, he got up to his feet, and was surprised to find that Sasuke was right in front of him. Dodging another kick aimed for his head, he quickly rolled backwards, throwing senbon needles in the hopes of catching his opponent off-guard. His hopes were quickly dashed as Sasuke retaliated by throwing his own shuriken, knocking the glorified chopsticks out of the air.

The two engaged in a match of taijutsu, where kicks and punches and headbutts were thrown about like they were going out of style. It eventually accumulated into a standstill, where both had their weapons interlocked.

"You have lost," Haku stated.

"Oh really? How so?" Sasuke sneered.

"The floor that you stand upon is covered in water, and one of your hands are occupied, leaving you open to jutsu attacks," Haku replied before speeding through a series of seals using only one of his hands.

'One handed seals!?' Kakashi thought, 'I've never seen anybody do that before!'

"Suiton release: Thousand Flying Water Needles of Death no Jutsu!"

From the water surrounding them, hundreds upon hundreds of senbon needles formed, all targeted towards Sasuke.

They launched themselves towards where he was stood, but did not meet their mark, for Sasuke jumped over the whole lot like some sort of black bunny driven mad by the desire to avenge his clan.

"Pathetic," he sneered.

"Impressive, I didn't expect an opponent of your calibre to be able to dodge that attack. But know this, I have the advantage in speed," Haku stated.

"I think not," a voice said from behind him.

Haku whirled around, startled to find Sasuke mere inches away, a kunai headed straight for his right eye.

Knocking the weapon out of his opponent's hand, he tried to back away, but a kick to the face knocked that notion, along with a tooth or two, out of the running.

* * *

'Haku lost in speed?!' Zabuza thought incredulous. He and Kakashi had been standing in the sidelines, watching their two students fight.

"I must end this fight soon, else Zabuza's mission will be hampered," Haku said, slowly forming a single handseal.

"Hyoton Release: Demonic Ice Mirrors," he intoned with finality.

From the very air itself, shapes of ice started to take form. A doom of ice rectangles suddenly surrounded Sasuke, trapping him.

Haku walked up to one of the mirrors, and as casually as if he was taking a stroll in the park he melded into it. An image of him took his place in the mirror, and was quickly followed by many others, all occupying their own mirror.

"Curses!" cursed Kakashi, running towards his student to save him from the impending danger. He was, however, stopped by the figure of Zabuza.

"Your opponent is me, Kakashi. If you try to run away, I'll kill the bridge builder and the girl," Zabuza growled.

"Sakura!" Kakashi barked, "Protect Tazuna at all costs! I'll handle Zabuza!"

* * *

Inside the ice dome of narcissism, Sasuke was having a bad time. A _very_ bad time. As in multiple needles made of metal sticking out of his body bad. Haku had finally revealed his real speed.

With a flick of his wrists, he, along with all of his reflections, threw a veritable barrage of senbon needles. Sasuke looked like the result of a porcupine fucking a duck.

* * *

"Now, shall we get started?" Zabuza asked, unsheathing his large cleaver of exaggerated size.

"I beat you once, I can do it again," Kakashi replied, starting to unveil his Sharingan.

"The Sharingan? My, you really are a one trick pony. I've seen through your technique and I'll-"

Zabuza was suddenly cut off by two feet slamming into his face, accompanied by a cheerful "Ohayou, motherfucker!" followed by a large explosion.

"Who the hell..." Zabuza groaned from the spot that he had been blown away, before he caught sight of his surprise attacker. "You! I'm going to fucking _kill_ you!"

"Me!" Naruto said, waving cheerfully.

"Naruto, as much as I'm relieved to see you, Sasuke needs your help more than I do," Kakashi said.

"Yosh, Kakashi-sensei! Mission: Save Sasuke's Sorry Ass is a go!" Naruto saluted before running off.

* * *

'He's too fast.' As much as he was loath to admit it, Sasuke might've found an opponent that was too strong for him. "But he isn't going all out on me, he's had plenty of chances to hit a vital spot, but he never toke them. Damnit!'

"Yo, Sasuke! Looks like you're in a tight spot!" Naruto greeted, crouching down to face the fallen boy.

"Naruto, what the _hell_ are you doing here?" Sasuke asked, bewildered to see is missing teammate in front of him.

"I'm here to save you, of course!"

"By walking right into his technique?!" Sasuke yelled, "Do you ever use your brain!? You could assisted me from the outside!"

Naruto smacked a fist onto his open palm. "Right!" he said like it was the most logical thing.

"And you call yourself a shinobi..."

* * *

Haku, who had been watching the duo with interest, decided to catch their attention by throwing a few needles.

Sasuke decided to respond with a technique of his own.

"Katon release: Grand Fireball no Jutsu!"

A grand fireball, as the name would fucking suggest, spewed out of his mouth, swallowing everything in its path.

When the flames dissipated, Sasuke was stunned to see that his attack had barely any effect on the mirrors.

"That didn't do _anything?!"_ Naruto yelled in astute observation.

"Attacks of that level are of no use against me," Haku stated from inside his mirror, his reflections having disappeared.

"Oh yeah? Well, try this on for size!" Naruto exclaimed, running towards the masked boy and slamming a piece of paper onto the mirror.

"Naruto, no!" Sasuke screamed, "The blast will be contained by the dome!"

But it was too late Naruto had already activated the explosive tag, and faster than the eye could blink, the explosion was upon them.

When the smoke cleared, the two could be clearly seen still standing, covered in soot and slightly singed, but alright for the most part. Thankfully, Naruto had only used a C-rank tag.

"You're a fucking idiot," Sasuke deadpanned.

"Well, s _orry_ if I wanted to attack," Naruto retorted.

"I told you, you'll never be able to damage these mirrors," Haku said, breaking them out of their little dispute.

"Yeah, yeah yeah," Naruto replied. "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"

Where one Naruto once stood, there were now a dozen of explosive-toting maniacs.

"Let's go!" Naruto screamed, and like a little kid named Billy who just won't _fucking_ learn that touching the red part of the stove will burn you, he and his group of clones attacked Haku.

Haku, needless to say, beat the ever loving _shit_ out of them. With blinding speed, he sped from one mirror to another, dispelling clone after clone until only the original was left.

Naruto fell to the ground, several senbons sticking out of various places.

"Fuck me, he's strong," he said.

"Yeah, no shit," Sasuke replied.

"The kid has a Kekkei Genkai, doesn't he?" Kakashi asked.

"Kekkei Genkai?" Sakura said, unfamiliar with the term.

"In a nutshell, it's a power passed down from ancestor to ancestor. Those who wield one are said to be incredibly strong, and it's impossible to copy the techniques, even with my Sharingan," Kakashi explained.

"Indeed he does," Zabuza chuckled darkly, "I've picked up a useful tool, haven't I?"

"Damnit!" Naruto yelled, "Who gives a damn if he has some power passed on from his father's ballsack! I can't die here, I have a dream to fulfil!"

"A dream, you say," Haku softly said before speaking up, "I do not want to kill you, shinobi-san, and if possible, I do not want to die. But if you force my hand, I will not hesitate to rid myself of my kind heart, and you with it. For I have a dream too, and just like you, I will defend it on this bridge with my life!"

Naruto and Sasuke were left slightly stunned by the masked boy's sudden speech, before a voice snapped them out of it.

* * *

"Sasuke, Naruto! Don't you lose to this guy!" Sakura yelled.

"Don't egg them on, Sakura," Kakashi coldly said, "Even if they somehow managed to defeat that boy's technique, there's no way that they can destroy their own hearts, and kill him, Naruto especially.

"Then what are you going to do, Kakashi?" Zabuza chuckled again.

"I'm going to end this before it starts," he declared, fully unveiling his Sharingan, but before he could utilize it, Zabuza had suddenly disappeared into the thick mist that had came out of nowhere.

"Hidden Mist no Jutsu," Kakashi could hear the sound of Zabuza's voice.

'Where did he go? I can barely see anything through this fog, even with my Sharingan!'

"A ninja's ultimate technique isn't something you should show to your enemies often," came the voice of Zabuza, distorted by the mist that muffled any sound.

"You should count yourself lucky, you're the only opponent to have seen it twice..." Kakashi said, slowly spinning in to cover his back.

"I'll also be your last opponent," Zabuza said, directly behind Kakashi, "I know the secret of your precious little Sharingan."

Kakashi barely had time to block the attack that followed that statement.

"You rely too heavily on your dojutsu, Kakashi," Zabuza sneered, "By taking away your eyesight and hearing, you are vulnerable."

Several shuriken were thrown towards Kakashi, who was hard pressed to deflect them.

"I am a master at the art of Silent Killing..." Zabuza trailed off.

'Relax... Who is he most likely to go after' Kakashi thought to himself, 'Shit!'

He suddenly broke off into a sprint towards his only female student. He could faintly make out the shape of Zabuza behind them, sword at the ready.

"Too late."

It was impossible for Kakashi to stop the attack, so he did the next best thing. He blocked it, with his fleshy and fragile body. Fuck that hurt.

"Weak, you are weak..." Zabuza taunted jumping backwards in case Kakashi retaliated.

Kakashi was standing still, eyes fixed on the ground. His voice, while quiet, could be heard across the bridge.

"Need I remind you that I was part of the ANBU black ops." His head abruptly snapped up towards Zabuza. "And I don't need my Sharingan to kick your ass!"

* * *

"Naruto, can you at least _try_ to dodge his attacks?" Sasuke complained, "I can't always save you!"

"Oh, fuck right off, I took some hits for you too!" Naruto shot back.

The duo were looking worse for wear, their clothes were in tatters and both had senbons sticking out of nearly every body part and appendage. The two were at the limits of their abilities. Sasuke felt exhausted, he had used too much chakra and overexerted himself.

'He's fast, but I'm starting to be able to track his movements," Sasuke thought, focusing all of his attention on the boy.

Haku blurred from his spot in his mirror, preparing another attack.

"Now!" Sasuke yelled, tackling his teammate.

'He saw through my attack!?' were Haku's befuddled thoughts. No one had ever done that, not when he was using the full extent of his considerable speed.

* * *

Naruto had been sent flying backwards, knocked out cold, and Sasuke was panting in the middle of the dome. When Haku inspected the boy, something made him stop dead in his tracks, not that he was really moving.

'No way, the Sharingan!?' Haku thought, slightly panicking, 'That boy is dangerous, I need to finish this quickly. I can feel my own reserves diminishing, this technique takes a lot of chakra.'

Indeed, Sasuke now sported two bitchin' new ocular globes, his pupils had turned a dark red, and tomoe were circling them. His right eye had two, and his left, only one.

'This is incredible!' Sasuke thought to himself, 'I can see everything so much more clearly!'

Before he could further dwell upon his sudden clairvoyance, he saw Haku ready another assault, his hands wielding senbon needles. Without warning, he threw them, but not at Sasuke, but rather at his down blond friend.

'Shit!'

* * *

Naruto stirred slowly, struggling to open his eyes. When he did, he could weakly make out the figure of someone, standing above him.

"You always need saving don't you?" a voice brought him back fully to the land of the living.

"Sasuke!" Naruto cried out, before realizing what had happened.

Sasuke was stood above him, protecting him with his body. Senbon needles peppered his form, several having punctured his neck. He was spitting blood. Naruto was shocked to the very core.

"Why so surprised?" Sasuke softly said.

"You... saved me? But why?" Naruto asked.

"Why? Because we're teammates, and teammates look after each other... you moron..." Sasuke breathed out, "I always hated you, you know? You were always too happy, too loud, but some time down the road, my view of you changed."

Sasuke crumpled down onto the floor, landing on Naruto's knees,

"Why!?" Naruto screamed, on the verge of tears.

"I'm glad that I got to know you, Naruto," Sasuke murmured, "I made a promise to myself. That I wouldn't die until I killed my brother..."

"Don't you die too." Those were the last words of Sasuke Uchiha, last loyal Uchiha of Konohagakure, teammate, rival and friend, whose flame was extinguished much too soon.

* * *

"He was a shinobi that deserved respect. He fought valiantly and even when he knew it was a trap, he rushed to your side to save you," Haku said gently. "Was this your first death of a friend? Such is the life of a shinobi..."

Naruto was cradling Sasuke's head, gently rocking back and forth.

"Don't you die, don't you _fucking_ die, Sasuke, you bastard!" he yelled, unable to cope with what had happened.

"Don't you die on me..." he finished softly. He had lost someone dear to him, few as they were, one of them had just left their ranks. It hurt. It hurt so badly that he couldn't breath. He had just lost one of his precious people, and the person who had killed him had the _nerve_ to lecture him.

"Shut up..." he said quietly.

Shut the _fuck_ up!" Naruto roared, "I'll kill you!"

Dark red chakra started to envelop his kneeling body, and he started to change. His nails lengthened and sharpened into razor sharp claws. His eyes become feral, his whisker marks deepened. The numerous cuts and gashes on his body healed at an exponential rate. An ominous atmosphere suddenly crashed down on the bridge, one that promised death and suffering.

'What is happening!?' though Haku, 'His power just went through the roof!'

* * *

Across the bridge, Kakashi and Zabuza briefly stopped their fight.

'This chakra? Can it be that the Nine-Tails!?' Kakashi was panicking.

"I'm sorry, Zabuza, but I'm afraid for benefit of both you and I, I'm going to have to end our battle," Kakashi said, taking out a scroll. He unfurled it with great speed with one hand, and with the other, he dipped his thumb in his blood, and ran it across the scroll.

"Summoning Technique!" he yelled.

* * *

Naruto gently put down Sasuke's prone body, before turning to fully face Haku, who felt a bead of cold sweat run down his back.

'Just what _is_ this boy?!' he frantically thought, "His Killing Intent is insane!'

In an instant, Naruto was occupying the space in front of him, breaking effortlessly through the mirror that he was hiding in and knocking him out of it. In the next instant, Naruto's fist had been planted with extreme force onto his face, propelling him backwards.

* * *

Haku landed on his feet, his mask laying on the ground in shards.

'Zabuza-san... I am sorry... I cannot defeat this boy..." he thought dejectedly.

Naruto was rushing towards him, another fist aimed for his face. Death seemed unavoidable, and Haku closed his eyes, awaiting his release from this world. It did not come. Slowly opening his eyes, he saw Naruto, fist mere inches away from his face. He seemed to be back to normal.

"You're that person from the clearing, aren't you?" he asked, seeming to be torn between two decisions.

"Why do you not kill me?" Haku asked, "I killed your comrade, it is only fair that you do the same."

"Damnit!" screamed Naruto, punching Haku with all of his force.

"What happened to your power, Naruto? A punch like that will never kill me," Haku said.

"I... can't kill you..." Naruto said, arms falling to his sides.

"It would be better if you did..." Haku softly said, "With my defeat, you have taken away my reason for living... I live only to serve Zabuza-san, for he has saved my life. Zabuza-san has no need for a weak tool like me..."

"How can you say that!?" Naruto yelled, "How can you dedicate your entire life to that man? Does he really mean that much to you?"

Haku answered with a single word, "Yes."

"He gave me a reason to live. He gave me a place where I belong in this world. He came to me when my own father killed my mother because of her blood. For that, I owe him my life. But Zabuza has no need for weak tools, so..." Haku looked up to Naruto, "I beg of you, kill me."

* * *

Zabuza was in a jam, his limbs were constrained by a pack of dogs, their jaws locked onto his limbs.

"You're done, Zabuza. You can't move, and you can't escape my next jutsu," Kakashi simply stated, "I told you, I can see the future, and your corpse is all I see."

Kakashi started to form hand signs, before grabbing a hold of his right hand.

"Lightning blade!" he yelled out, and his hand was suddenly engulfed in pure blue chakra, taking the form of lightning.

'What the- I can see his chakra!' Zabuza thought.

"Now, die." Kakashi sped towards Zabuza, hand extended to stab him.

* * *

"If that's what you want, Haku..." Naruto walked towards the revealed boy, kunai in hand. He was about to stab it into his heart when it was suddenly deflected.

"I'm sorry, Naruto-san, but there is one more thing I need to do," Haku said before disappearing in a swirl of leaves.

* * *

Kakashi's hand impacted into a body with a dull thud. Looking up, he was surprised to see that it wasn't the one of Zabuza, but rather the one of the fake hunter-nin. Looking into his eyes, he could see that he boy was already dead, or close to it. His fist was wrist deep into his chest.

"You did well, Haku," Zabuza said, "You were useful until the end, giving me this final chance!"

Zabuza swung his sword downwards, ready to slice both Kakashi and Haku in two.

Kakashi quickly jumped back, ripping his hand out of the boy's chest.

Naruto came running up to the two men, stopping at the edge.

"Naruto, stand back," Kakashi said, " _This is my fight._ "

* * *

"Naruto! You're alright!" Sakura cried out in relief, "Where's Sasuke-kun?"

When Naruto looked down, she knew something was wrong. She started to shake.

"I'll come with you," Tazuna offered, "That way, you won't be going against your sensei's orders."

Sakura and Tazuna ran towards where Naruto had come from. She quickly arrived at the body of her self-proclaimed loved one.

Sinking to her knees, she fought back the tears. Feeling his cheek, she felt the cold and clammy skin of a dead man.

"He's cold... He's really gone..." she sobbed.

"It's best if you let it all out..." Tazuna gently said, "Pay me no heed..."

"I always scored highest in the Academy's written exams..." Sakura softly whispered, "A part of that test was to write down a shinobi saying... I must've memorized over a hundred of them... And one day... This question appeared... Write down shinobi saying #25, and I did, without question or hesitation... Do you know what that saying was? 'No matter what the situation, a shinobi must keep their emotions on the inside. You must make the mission your top priority and you must possess a heart that never shows...'" She finished in body racking sobs.

'The life of a shinobi seems to be a hard one...' Tazuna thought.

Zabuza and Kakashi were still going at it, and Zabuza was finally starting to feel fatigued. So, it was only natural that he couldn't react when Kakashi planted two kunai into his shoulders, disabling the use of his arms.

"It's over, without your arms, you are nothing," Kakashi coldly said.

* * *

They were about to engage once more in a fight when loud, slow clapping interrupted them. The mist cleared and at the end of the bridge was Gato, the little troll that he was, along with his army of mercenaries, His army was considerably weakened, what with the loss of almost half of its force. But there was still a veritable assload of them. More than a weakened Kakashi would be able to take on.

"So, this is the Demon of the Hidden Mist... You're more like a cute little baby devil..." Gato chuckled evilly.

"What is the meaning of this, Gato?" Zabuza growled.

"There's been a change of plan, Zabuza... Well actually, I wanted to do this from the very beginning. You see, I never planned on paying you, hiring missing-nin is an expensive business, Gato explained.

"So, I've devised a way of circumventing that. I make you shinobi fight until you are weakened, then I overwhelm you with sheer numbers."

"You bastard!" Zabuza roared. Turning to Kakashi, he said, "I'm sorry, Kakashi, but this fight is over. My business lies somewhere else now."

* * *

Gato walked up to Haku's corpse and kicked it, "I owe you this much, what for breaking my arm. Be grateful that you're already dead, or I would've tortured you for a _very_ long time."

"You son of a bitch!" Naruto yelled, "What is wrong with you?"

He pointed an accusing finger at Zabuza.

"Do you not feel anything at all!? Haku fought for you! He sacrificed himself for you!"

"As any good tool should," Zabuza replied.

"You were his precious person, someone he was ready to _die_ for! He _loved_ you! And this is how you repay him?!" Naruto could feel drops of water fall from his eyes, blurring his eyesight.

Zabuza remained silent.

"He had no dream, he threw it away for you!"

"Kid..."

Naruto looked up from where he was looking at the ground.

"You don't... have to say anymore..." Tears were streaming down Zabuza's own face. "He didn't want to fight you guys. While he did fight for me, he also fought for you, for your dreams... He was too kind..."

Zabuza trailed off for a second before continuing, "I'm glad I got to face you guys in the end, because you may be right... A shinobi is still a human, no matter how hard we try, we cannot erase our emotions..."

"Let me borrow your kunai," Zabuza said with finality.

Naruto handed the tall, masked man one of his kunai, who took it in his mouth. He was about to charge forward into the fray of enemies when Naruto's voice stopped him.

"Zabuza, wait!" he yelled, "Let me clear a path for you."

* * *

Naruto walked up to one of the large blocks of stone that Tazuna used to build his bridge. Rummaging quickly through his pockets, he found what he was looking for. Smacking a piece of paper onto the back of the block, he turned towards the small army that was gathered and addressed them with a voice that was brimming with raw emotion. Grief, sadness, anger, rage.

"Listen up, fuckbrains! My name is Naruto Uzumaki, and I...!" He formed a single hand sign , the one of the ram.

" _Mow down motherfuckers like I own a lawn service!_ Mach Seal, activate!"

With those words, the block of stone erupted forward with a tremendous bang, going at speeds, as the name would suggest, that were near fucking _insane._ The wonders of an A-rank tag.

Needless to say, Gato barely had time to get out of the way before most of his mercenaries were ground into so much as a fine paste.

* * *

"Wh- What?" he stuttered before something else made him shit his pants. The sight of a bloody, and indubitably pissed off Zabuza with a kunai in his mouth. The thugs still alive were quick to react and stabbed Zabuza in the back with their weapons.

"Go on then, if you want to join your friend, then die," Gato stammered.

"I won't be joining Haku..." Zabuza growled.

"There's no way that you're going to survive so what do you..."

"No, you and I, my 'friend', are going to _Hell_ together!" Zabuza roared before beheading Gato with only a kunai held in his mouth. He fell to the ground shortly after, finally succumbing to his injuries.

"Hey, you killed our paycheck!" a thug yelled out.

"Were going to kill you all, and then we're going to raid the village!" another said.

'Shit,' Kakashi thought, 'Even if there are fewer of them, I'm too weak, and Naruto and Sakura are in no condition to fight."

* * *

The decimated, but still numerous army was about to charge when the bolt of a crossbow stopped them. On the opposite site of the bridge, was Inari. Flanking him was almost all of the village, armed to the teeth and ready to defend their town with their lives.

"If you have a problem with our town, you can come discuss it with us!" he yelled.

The mercenaries quickly got cold feet at the sight of such a larger armed group and hightailed it out of there, not without meaningless threats of coming back, however.

* * *

The fight was over, their mission was nearly complete. Kakashi almost sunk to the ground in relief, but a voice called for him.

"Kakashi... I have one last request..." Zabuza breathed out, "Let me be by his side once more... Let me see his face one last time..."

"Of course," Kakashi gently said. With great care not to aggravate the already severe injuries, he carried Zabuza over to where Haku lay.

Zabuza turned his head to face his partner, "Hey Haku... You fought well today... You always a faithful weapon, always by my side..." Zabuza choked on his words, whether it was from his injuries or emotion would remain unknown, "I'd like for you to stay by my side until the end... But where you're going, there's no place for someone like me... So I guess this is goodbye... Goodbye Haku, my tool, partner... and friend."

A single tear streamed down from Haku's closed eyes, and heavy snowflakes started to form, falling to the ground like leaves in autumn. Thus, Zabuza and Haku died, Demon of the Hidden Mist, and last wielder of the Hyoton release. They died like they lived, together.

"Don't worry, Zabuza... I think you'll be joining with Haku in the great journey after..." Kakashi whispered.

* * *

 **And done! Hot balls, this was a long chapter. 11K words, fuck me sideways! Anyways, I hope this makes up for my lack of updates, but life suddenly reared up its ugly head and grabbed me by the balls, presenting me with exams and responsibilities, so don't expect a lot of updates this June (sorry!). I hope you guys enjoyed the story and the past few chapters so far, it's been a blast and a bit of a challenge to write. A lot of drastic changes happened in this chapter, and that's because I consider that the Wave Arc is one of the most important parts of Naruto's story. Anways blah blah blah, fucking with canon. Sorry if this chapter wasn't as 'humorous' as usual, but next chapter, I'll be back to normal, this was just a serious arc. Also, 50 favourites, hot damn, what the fuck is wrong with you people? We're all psychotic aren't we? But really, I can't express my thanks in a manner that does my gratitude justice. Thank your for all of your continued support! Anyways, you guys know what to do. Fave, follow, don't, leave a review or don't, I can't be assed to tell you what to do, but reviews are always welcome! Author, out!**


	14. Going Back to Things

**I'm a piece of shit, I know, I know... A month without updating, I don't deserve you guys. I'll respond to a few concerns some of you have at the end, but this chapter should be back to my normal crass humour. Thank you to everyone who's still here!**

 **Story Go!**

The day after the defeat of Gato, the people of Wave Country held a huge celebration. They were finally free from the oppressive grip of their tyrant and they wanted to party. Party like fucking _animals_. Fireworks were thrown out like they were breadcrumbs, illuminating the sky in a vast array of colours, food was pulled out from Kami knows where and with great certainty, a lot of illicit fornication was to be had. It was a festive time, although Team Seven were slightly worried that the villagers would do more damage to their land than Gato did, but did not interfere.

* * *

They didn't partake in the celebration and instead rested in Tazuna's home, exhausted but elated. Kakashi had nearly killed himself during the final battle and needed to recuperate his energy if he was to be able to leave for Konohagakure tomorrow.

They were all in the living room, scattered throughout the room. Kakashi was lounging on a sofa, Sasuke and Sakure were sitting on the floor, and Naruto was at the table singing a little ditty that he made up that involved a refrigerator, ramen and several pretty women. Naruto, it has to be said, wasn't the best of singers; indeed his singing, or perhaps more aptly put, his wailing was reminiscent to a wet cat being tortured slowly by getting hit with a bag filled with gerbils that were also screeching. A bottle of sake was clutched in one of his hands, the content already half gone, explained the blond's impromptu concert.

* * *

Naruto drinking was something that Kakashi should've put a stop to immediately, Naruto plus alcohol was a combination that nearly guaranteed the singed eyebrows of some unfortunate soul, but he was too tired to care.

* * *

Sasuke and Sakura seemed to be back to normal, Sakura clinging to her loved one like a leech or some other parasite that slowly sucks the life out of their host, like a stepmother or a best friend named Larry that fucked your girlfriend named Amelia behind your back all the while pretending like he didn't know anything. Sakura didn't want to let Sasuke out of her sights, afraid that she might lose him again, oblivious to the fact that she might be the reason _why_ he'd off himself again; As Sasuke was seriously considering the option of kunai to the spleen because of the girl's incessant badgering.

* * *

Thoughts of pointy objects to vital areas aside, Sasuke had a lot of thinking to do. The fight of yesterday weighed heavily on his mind.

'So, I finally activated the Sharingan,' Sasuke thought to himself, 'but even with my Kekkei Genkai, I wasn't able to defeat Haku!'

He was one step closer to avenging his clan, but he was still weak, much too weak to take on his brother.

'Damnit all!' he thought savagely, 'If only I had more power!'

His thoughts slowly strayed to his blond teammate, who seemed to be more than slightly intoxicated and was now currently enraptured by his toenails.

'How did Naruto get so strong?! He may look and act like an idiot, but what if he was a genius like me?'

* * *

"Dish wittle piggy went to dah market," Naruto slurred, pointing at his little toe. Nope, Naruto was, and always would be an idiot, through and through. A genius in his own rights sometimes, but still a fucking idiot. It was a lot like telling a dog to fetch, but instead it shits on your carpet. Sure, the dog shits on command, but it still didn't do what it was supposed to do. Made for a neat party trick though.

Tazuna was out like a light, having consumed an ample amount of sake himself, Inari was out with his friends and Tsunami was tidying up the house.

* * *

Sasuke's thoughts were interrupted by the sudden movement of the object of his pondering. Naruto stood up without warning, nearly falling immediately after. Stumbling towards the door, and then the steps, he soon came back down with a medium-sized scrolled strapped to his back. Staggering under the weight of it, he headed for the front door.

Kakashi cracked open an eyelid, "Naruto, where exactly are you going?" he drawled, still tired.

"To participate in the celebrashuns," was his answer.

"Well, don't stay out too late, we're leaving tomorrow," Kakashi trailed on, slowly falling back asleep.

Sasuke only sweatdropped at his teacher's laid back attitude. Naruto merely nodded vigorously, as if what the man had said was the wisdom of a sage atop a mountain. Wobbling outside and forgetting to close the door, he was quickly out of the sight of Sasuke. Soon after, however, a huge explosion of a multitude of colours could be seen in the sky, accompanied with a slurred " _Yeaaaaah!"_ and the screams of people. Whether they were screams of joy or fear, Sasuke didn't know, and he didn't plan to find out.

* * *

The land of Waves was a sight to behold the next day, people were strewn all across the streets like drunken leaves during autumn, bottles of booze and confetti littered the floor, and in a pile of trash lay Naruto.

The boy grumbled, covering his eyes from the sun rays, "Turn off the damn lights!" he said before throwing a banana peel at the source of light, problem being that the sun was approximately 149 597 870 700 metres away from where he rested and a weak throw like that would _never_ reach the thing; Rather, he hit an innocent chicken that was clucking away at the refuse on the floor. The poor creature was startled and gave a large squawk before running away.

Now completely woken up, Naruto rubbed the sleep from his eyes, before clutching his head in pain, "Fuck me my head hurts..." he moaned. It felt like a happy little mason was hammering away at his skull from the inside. Blocking his eyes from the sun with his hands, he noticed how high up in the sky it was.

"What time is it? Oh man, they're going to _kill_ me," Naruto moaned louder, wondering if it was really worth going through the trouble of getting up only to be bitched at by his teammates. Sighing heavily, he slowly extracted himself from the pile of trash and numerous sake bottles before stumbling along in a direction.

As he walked, in what he hoped was the direction to Tazuna's home, he felt his migraine gradually lessen.

* * *

And was immediately brought back by the certain shrill cry of the only female in Team Seven. The girl just had a knack to perfectly replicate the sound of a boiling kettle.

Wincing, he prepared himself for the oncoming onslaught.

" _Where_ have you _been_?!" Sakura said in a voice that was definitely a few notches above the recommended levels that insured the safety and well-being of one's hearing canals, "We've been waiting nearly _three_ hours!"

Naruto got onto his knees, as if preparing to beg for forgiveness, but really it was because of a loss of balance from ruptured ear drums.

"What were you-" Sakura started before she was cut off by her blond teammate slamming his face onto the floor without any reservations.

"That's great, Sakura," Naruto said from his lofty position of being imbedded into the ground, "but you see, I have one _hell_ of a headache, and would _greatly_ appreciate it if you lowered your voice so it didn't pierce through my brain like a sword impaling an unsuspecting praying girl."

Sakura was at a loss for words from Naruto's decisively bizarre analogy but was saved by the arrival of Kakashi.

"Now now you guys, there's no need to fight..." he said with an eyesmile, but Naruto could just _tell_ from the tone of his voice that Kakashi was going to train him to the ground, well more so than he already was...

"I took the liberty of packing your stuff, Naruto," the man stated, chucking a small bag towards the prostrate boy before fixing him with a hard glare, "And also of confiscating a few 'contraband' items..."

Naruto sweated a little bit. He had a lot stuff that he shouldn't have, like _a lot_ of stuff. Stuff that no man should have, let alone a prepubescent boy.

"What did I say about high-ranked explosive tags?" the man continued, making Naruto sigh out in relief.

"Sorry, sensei," he muttered, maybe his sensei _hadn't_ found his other... _items._

Those hopes were quickly dashed by his teacher's following statement, "Just don't do it again, you _naughty_ boy."

The man's lewd voice sent shivers down Naruto's spine.

"Fuck..."

The day just wasn't looking up for him, was it?

* * *

"Now then!," Kakashi exclaimed, "How about we get started? We're supposed to report back to Hokage-sama in 4 days and we already wasted half a day! Hokage-sama is a busy man and must hate lateness, I know I do!"

"You're one to talk, you porn-reading, one-eyed mask wearing, hypocritical, lazy, good for nothing piece of human-" Naruto's mutterings were soon lost as he, Sasuke and Sakura filed in behind their sensei, Naruto trailing in the back. At least his hangover was slowly going away.

* * *

As Team Seven neared Tazuna's newly constructed bridge, they were stopped by a truly heartwarming sight. The entirety of the Land of Waves population had gathered on the bridge, or at least those who weren't nursing hangovers.

Inari, being the first to spot them, quickly ran over to the small group, tackling Naruto in a hug.

"Naruto! We did it! We're finally free!" he yelled out in joy.

Naruto fought the urge to reply with the savvy reply of, "Yea, no shit, although that was _two days ago_... _"_ but wasn't _that_ much of an insensitive cactus and let the boy have his moment.

He felt his shirt moisten like a tepid washcloth from something that had the capacity to moisten his shirt like a tepid washcloth.

"I didn't want to cry..." Inari sniffled, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hands.

"Hey now," Naruto said, ruffling the boy's hair, "You're the hero, you have no reason to be sad!"

"I'm not crying because I'm sad, it's because I'm so happy... We can finally be free... But I guess you're right, the hero shouldn't cry..."

"I think it's alright for a hero to cry when he's happy, hero or not, it's a hard thing not to do," Naruto ruffled Inari's hair once more before going to join his team who had gone on ahead to Tazuna without him.

Inari wiped the last remnants of tears from his ocular objects that were used to identify various other objects before smiling in a determinant fashion at the blond, 'I swear, Naruto, I will become a real hero, just like you!'

* * *

Naruto, for his part, was bawling his eyes out, albeit in a discreet manner. A bit like how a boyfriend would after he discovers that his fucking _girlfriend_ named Amelia cheated on him with his _best friend_ named Larry.

"Geez, Naruto, you say something sort of cool and you end up like this?" Sakura teased lightheartedly. It seemed she had gotten over the blond's tardiness.

"It's not my fault the brat made me cry," Naruto halfheartedly defended himself.

* * *

As the rest of the villagers gave their thanks to Team Seven, Kakashi couldn't help but notice a new sense of camaraderie that surrounded his little genin.

'My, my, how they've grown...' he thought, 'Especially you, Naruto... Your parents would be proud...'

Kakashi was broken out of his pondering by the large figure of Tazuna engulfing the scarecrow like man in a hug. His breath held the slight smell of sake.

"My land is forever in your debt, Kakashi-san," Tazuna thanked him profusely, "If there's anything, and I mean _anything_ that we could ever help you, don't hesitate to ask."

"I think this should suffice," Kakashi answered, palming the scroll that held the Priority Trading contract signed by the land's elders, "But we really must go, we're already late as it is."

* * *

As Team Seven were seen, slowly disappearing into the horizon, Tazuna, accompanied by his daughter and grandson, was hit with a realization.

"We still need to name this bridge, don't we?" he asked.

Tsunami nodded in agreement, still waving at the quartet.

"I was thinking about naming it after it's builder, the Great Tazu-" he continued before he was interrupted by the harsh "No!"'s of the villagers.

Tazuna looked genuinely crestfallen, before everyone around him erupted into laughter.

"How about the Great Naruto Bridge?" Inari chimed in.

"It does have a good ring to it," Tsunami mused, "Named after the boy who saved our nation, who rid the land of its tyrant and returned hope to its people... What do you guys think?"

The crown roared in approval, cementing the decision.

"Very well!" Tazuna crawled out of his self-imposed funk, "From this day forth, this bridge will be known as the Great Naruto Bridge!"

The crowd once again erupted into cheers and yells, celebrating their victory, their freedom, and their saviours.

* * *

"Are we there yet?" Naruto asked for the seventeenth time.

"Naruto... It hasn't even been an hour..." Kakashi said through gritted teeth, if he was to stay with the boy for another two more days, he feared that both his sanity and the blond wouldn't come back to the village in one piece. Not that his sanity was very stable anyways.

"I know! But it's just so boring!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Then entertain yourself!" Kakashi almost yelled.

"Fine! I'll play iSpy with myself then!" Naruto replied, "I spy with my..."

* * *

Kakashi was seriously on the verge of murdering someone gruesomely and slowly if he heard the words "I spy with my little eye something that's green... A tree! Wow, this is so difficult" one more time. Naruto had gone on for a day and a half, incessantly playing his game of iSpy with himself.

At first, it had been mildly amusing, but soon after, Kakashi was foaming at the mouth, his hands twitching and thirsting for the throat of a certain blond. He had taken refuge into one of his beloved books, blocking out everything but the smu- plot. However, it was all for nought, for Naruto's unending jabbering reached him even when he channelled chakra into his ears to block sound from coming in.

"I spy with my-" Naruto started again, before he was stopped when he bumped into the back of his sensei. Kakashi's whole form was shaking slightly, and Naruto didn't like the threatening gleam in his eyes.

"Naruto... You have one second to stop your little 'game' before I ram my fist somewhere I _really_ shouldn't." Kakashi threatened.

Naruto seemed to be perplexed by his teacher's reaction, tilting his head before uttering five words, "But are we there yet?"

"That's it!" Kakashi exploded, twirling around, "I will _not_ be held accountable for what I'm about to-"

His train of thought, and mass murder, was disrupted by the loud cry of a man.

"Hey, Kakashi! What took you so long?"

"What." Kakashi said, turning around again, only to be greeted by the massive gates of Konohagakure.

"W-what? H-ow?! When did we get here?!" he asked, stupefied by the sudden change of location. He must've really zone out to miss the large village.

"Naruto, I swear I'm going to-" Kakashi spun around, about to throttle his genin, but was greeted with nothing but the loud laughter of a certain prankster.

"It's good to be back!"

* * *

Sarutobi Hiruzen suddenly felt a shiver go down his spine, as if a great calamity had just arrived to his village.

"Hokage-sama!" a messenger opened the door, "A missive just arrived from the Main Gate, Team Seven is back from their mission!"

"Well it's about time," Sarutobi said, "Tell them to report to the Hokage Tower immediately."

"Hai, Hokage-sama!"

The wizened old man was about to go back to his mountain of paper work that seemed to have grown exponentially in size the past few days when he was distracted by the sound of what seemed to be a fairly large explosion. He ran to his window only for a blur of orange, blond and metallic grey to rocket past his face. He was about to go investigate when his secretary knocked on the door before entering.

"A certain Naruto is here to see you, Hokage-sama."

"Th-that's impossible! It's a twenty minute walk from the Main Gates to the Tower!" he spluttered, the incident that happened just mere moments ago momentarily forgotten.

"Well, someone must've forgotten to give him that memo, because he's waiting for you," the secretary smirked. She was one of the few people who didn't despise the boy; Rather, she enjoyed having the blond over, finding his antics to be highly amusing.

The Hokage was about to reply when the doors were suddenly kicked open followed by the loud greeting of a slightly singed Naruto, "Ohayo, Jiji!"

It was at this moment that things clicked in his mind, and Sarutobi Hiruzen allowed himself, on the rare occasions, to swear.

"Naruto... What. The. F-"

"No time for that, Jiji!" Naruto interrupted, "I came to tell you of my tales of triumph and glory!"

"B-but how did you come here so quickly?!" the Hokage struggled to organize his thoughts.

"Oh, that, that was just a seal that I made!"

 _Flashback_

Naruto was running through the streets of Konoha when something caught his attention. It was a large sheet of metal that was set down on a wall, and Naruto was struck with one of his _brilliant_ ideas. If brilliant meant the high possibility of failure and multiple casualties.

Slapping a Mach Seal onto the sheet of metal, he aimed it towards the Hokage Tower before settling down on it.

Tilted at an angle that would fly _just_ past the window of the Tower, Naruto readied himself for launch.

'I am in so much shit...' Kakashi thought. Right now, he was struggling to not drown in the shitlevel that he was at.

He was brought out of his thoughts of shit when a large explosion erupted nearby, and from it rocketed forth a sheet of metal. And on that sheet of metal, was a certain blond haired genin.

'So much shit...' Kakashi desperately thought.

Now, many factors saved Naruto's life that day. One being his insane luck that seemed to follow him everywhere, another being that the sheet of metal was rather thick and heavy, and so slowed his travel speed. The others being his inane healing factor gifted to him by the Kyuubi and that he hadn't used too strong a seal.

And so, that's how Naruto travelled from the Main Gates to the Hokage Tower in less than thirty seconds using a sheet of metal, an explosive tag and a shit ton of stupidity, as you do.

 _Flashback end_

'Never again,' Naruto thought, he had nearly shit himself when he flew through the air like that, 'But what an entrance!'

"So, Naruto, tell me... What exactly happened?" Sarutobi inquired

And Naruto then proceeded to retell the tale of his adventures, not without embellishing the parts where he participated. The Hokage listened to everything with a careful ear, glad to hear that every one was safe and it all ended well. He couldn't help but feel that Naruto was growing too fast, only twelve and he already defeated a jounin level shinobi.

"-And then I grabbed the chicken and-" Naruto recalled, before the Hokage's chuckling stopped him in his tracks.

"That's very good, Naruto... I'm just relieved that no one was hurt," the Hokage said.

'Although, Kakashi has a lot to answer to...'

"Now, why don't you go rest, I'm certain you must be tired from your exploits..." the Hokage continued, "I will wait for the arrival of the rest of your teammates."

"Alright, see you, Jiji!" Naruto called off before running out the doors.

* * *

Kakashi was stood in front of the Hokage Tower, sweating a little bit. He was in a lot of shit, there was not doubt about it. He just hoped that the trade contract would lessen the Hokage's wrath.

The secretary ushered him in immediately, closing the door hurriedly behind her. Kakashi couldn't help but feel even more nervous. The Hokage was fixing him with a cold stare. No more was the kindly, old man, grandfather figure to many. In his place sat the Professor, one of the most feared shinobi of his time.

The Hokage spoke in a low, no nonesense type of voice, "Speak, and spare me the details, Naruto already told me most of it."

Kakashi cleared his throat, "Sir, it's about the Kyuubi."

 **And done!**

 **What an ass way to end it, I know. I'm really sorry for not updating sooner, but shit happened. I _promise_ to try and be more consistent this summer, I have more free time after all. Now, I don't want to drag out this author's note that most of you will skip anyways, but I wanted to address a few concerns some of you had. First, the way Naruto reacted may have been blown slightly out of proportions, but it was his _first_ kill, something I imagine to be quite jarring, and so that's how I pictured it going down, especially since it's Naruto and all that. Secondly, Everyone treats Naruto like a buttmonkey, manga or in my fanfiction. I like the comedy aspects of it, but it can become too much, toning it down I shall. Also yes, first kill was rushed, but I kinda felt like it was needed.**

 **Anyways, really sorry for short chapter and long update time! Thank you if you're still here with me! Words cannot describe how much your support affects me. Leave a review, don't, (I'd appreciate it if you did but I'm not forcing you) thanks for reading! Author, out!**


	15. Seal Things

**Hey guys, back again with another chapter... I was gone for two weeks out in the wilderness with no interne, but the good thing is that I have more chapters than I know what to do with. Anyways, on with the show!**

 **Story go!**

"The Kyuubi?" the Sandaime Hokage asked, trying to ignore the sudden rise in his heartbeat. If the Kyuubi had somehow managed to weaken the seal... Konohagakure wasn't ready for another massacre, they had just finished recovering from the first attack.

"The Kyuubi is still contained, hokage-sama," Kakashi reassured his leader, "However, during our mission, I felt an energy that was identical to the Kyuubi's and I thought..."

"You thought that it had somehow escaped." the Hokage continued, "Are you certain the seal hasn't been weakened?"

"Certain, I checked that very night and everything seemed to be in order. I still think that someone with a higher expertise in Fuinjutsu should be called," Kakashi replied.

"I'll have Jiraiya take a look at it during the chunin exams," the Hokage said, "Thank you for bringing this to my attention, Kakashi-san. You are dismissed."

Kakashi gave a nod before disappearing through the window.

Sarutobi Hiruzen heaved a long, heavy sigh, "Naruto, what am I going to do with you?"

* * *

Naruto was headed towards his apartment to rest. He had just stopped by the Sharpest Blade to see the progress that had been made with his little project. Needless to say, he was _very_ happy with it, if the cackling and rubbing of hands were anything to show for it.

He arrived at his apartment and when he entered it, he was greeted with a sight that nearly gave him a heart attack. Right in the middle of his living room, where a once broken table stood, was a huge pile of money. A pile taller then he was, which while admittedly wasn't that hard, of just ryo bills.

"Surprise!" screamed Naruto, as Narutos popped out from everywhere.

"What the _fuck?!_ " Naruto screamed, "I was gone for a _month!_ "

It seemed like Naruto, the original Naruto that is, the one who was currently fanning his face at the sheer _amount_ of money he now owned, had forgotten that he had left a few clones behind to do some D-rank missions.

And by a few, he meant enough clones to start his own all-male, _very_ specific fetish pornography studio.

"Yea..." Naruto replied, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck in a sheepish manner that was very sheepish, "You see, boss, we sorta got bored..."

* * *

Naruto, for once, was at a loss for words. Sure, he had expected _some_ amount of money awaiting him when he came back, but nothing to the extent that was presently sat in his own living room like a beached whale. He had given his clones a maximum of 3 missions a day, more at the request of the Hokage than anything else.

* * *

"What happened to the mission limit?" Naruto asked slowly. While he was sometimes an idiot, he wasn't so stupid as to believe that 4 _D-rank_ missions a day would result in this.

"Well, at first we started off with the 3 missions a day, but after a day or two, we wanted to do more!" Naruto replied, "We initially just pranked people, but that quickly went downhill..."

Naruto was intrigued, his pranks rarely went sour, the countless times Iruka found him notwithstanding, "How so?"

"Let's just say, if you see a purple haired woman in a trench coat, _run."_ the clone answered, suppressing a small shiver. The purple haired woman, he and the other clones learnt, was Anko Mitarashi **,** a kunoichi who worked in T&I. She was also one _hell_ of a sadist. The things she did to the clones she caught... The first one she captured, she had rammed a snake so far up his as- the Naruto clone had to stop his thoughts there. So many lost brothers, so many fallen. He did a quick prayer for those lost in the battle that ensued.

"I see," Naruto said, who did not see at all, "Well, how much money did you guys make?"

"2.25 million."

" _Fucking hell!"_ Naruto yelled, he had enough money to not have to worry about his financial situations for half a decade, "How the _hell_ did you convince Jiji to do that many missions?!"

"Well, let's just say we were _very_ persuasive." the clone said, which was greeted with many nods and downright evil grins.

When the Hokage had refused, the clones had gone on a day-long pranking spree. Needless to say, the amount of paperwork that followed the clusterfuck of honey, smoke bombs and feathers was enough to persuade the Hokage to let the clones do more missions. That was the first and last time Sarutobi refused a request from Naruto.

Naruto just heaved a sigh, "Alright, disperse..." he said before yelping as his little army of clones had all popped out of existence, and he was assaulted with one _hell_ of a migraine. In his mind, a flurry of thoughts, images and _very_ painful deaths flashed through his brain at lightning fast speeds.

* * *

Now one may wonder _how_ exactly Naruto made enough clones to be able to accomplish so many missions. The Shadow Clone no jutsu was a jutsu that, as the name implies, created a corporeal clone of the user. That clone could work independently from the original user, possessing its own chakra network to be able to complete its task. The one major downside of the jutsu was that it required the user to split his chakra in half. Something that no sane ninja would do in the middle of battle. One can only imagine the meeting that happened for the conception of the jutsu:

* * *

"Hey, we need a new jutsu for battle."

"I have an idea, what about one that splits your already battle-exhausted chakra reserves to create a clone of you!"

"Brilliant idea, Jerry! Here, take my house keys, go fuck my wife!"

* * *

But that's of course, only speculation.

Back on topic, the reason why Naruto could utilize the Shadow Clone no jutsu so effectively was because he had an insane amount of chakra. If a normal person had a bucketful of chakra, Naruto had a lake full. If a normal chakra pool was the size of a normal person, Naruto's was the size of an Akimichi.

So, Naruto had chakra to spare to split, but the problem is, if the user wanted to create more than one clone, they needed to split their chakra _twice,_ leaving them with only a quarter of what they had. Jerry must've fucked everyone's wife when that little effect was found.

Naruto may be stupid, but he wasn't so stupid as to split his chakra reserves forty or fifty times. That was idiotic, something only someone with a _very_ small brain would do. So Naruto had his clone do it.

His clone created two more clones, who created four more clones and so on and so forth. Of course, a clone needed a minimum amount of chakra to be able to continue existing and also slowly uses up its chakra before dispelling. So, the original clone would then split its chakra _again,_ continuing on the cycle two or three more times. And that's how Naruto managed to create a small army of clones.

* * *

"What the _fuck_ was that?" he moaned, clutching his head. He quickly sealed away the mountain of money before heading off to bed for a very well deserved rest.

"I hope tomorrow isn't too bad..." Naruto muttered.

* * *

" _UZUMAKI!"_ a woman roared. It seemed the day wouldn't be bad, it would be _terrifying._ Naruto was currently sprinting at full speed trying to escape the aforementioned purple haired woman, who was currently wielding a meat cleaver in one hand and a pair of walnuts in the other, the imagery not lost to Naruto.

* * *

The day had started normally enough. He had gone to meet with his teammates, and Kakashi had arrived three hours late, as usual. Nothing out of the norm, nothing that would indicate that a woman frothing at the mouth would be attempting to _castrate_ him with a rusty cleaver.

The first sign of death arrived when Kakashi, who hadn't even finished his greeting suddenly disappeared. The other sign that Naruto was fucked was when the woman arrived with said tools destined to remove some appendages from his body.

And so, that's how Naruto could be found running down the streets of Konohagakure, a roaring woman hot on his heels wildly swinging her weapon.

"Seriously, what the _fuck_ did my clones do?!" he yelled to himself and her.

Anko replied by roaring even louder and flinging the cleaver at his body. He quickly evaded it and when he looked back, he saw that the knife had been replaced by an _very_ surprised looking snake, whom she swung with great gusto in large circles around her head.

" _GET BACK HERE SO I CAN DEFILE YOUR BODY, TORTURE YOU AND KILL YOU!"_ the enraged woman yelled.

"I think you got the order of those things wrong!" Naruto yelled back, before mentally berating himself.

'Very smart, Naruto, question the woman who currently wants to _kill_ you,' he thought to himself.

* * *

Naruto's escape eventually lead him to a large fence. Completely ignoring the signs that had in large print 'STAY AWAY, DANGER.', he had danger on his ass, and he'd rather take his chances with what lay ahead then behind.

He ended up in a clearing, where he stopped to catch his breath. He shrieked when a shuriken imbedded itself into the ground, inches away from dismembering his most prized member of all of his members. The pecker, that is, colloquially know to some as the the custard launcher, the captain, the ankle spanker. The point is, Naruto was dangerously close to losing his schlong dongadoodle and he was not _particularly_ keen on letting the rabid woman have a second shot.

Anko was perched on a branch, her eyes promising death in a single glare along with a frothing mouth.

She reared back her hand holding the snake before throwing said creature like a fucking spear. Naruto hastily ducked underneath the living projectile. Where the snake landed, a decent sized crater appeared in a cloud of smoke.

"What in the name of all that is holy did my clones _do_ to you?!" Naruto yelled.

"Replaced. Dango. With. Stink. Bombs." Anko replied through gritted teeth.

"Oh." was Naruto's reply, "I should run shouldn't I?"

The nod that followed was all the answer he needed before he took off like a bat out of hell.

* * *

Now, one may wonder as to why no one was currently helping the poor boy out. The answer is quite simple, no one gave a shit. And the ones who would actually be able to _help_ him gave even less of a shit. Kakashi didn't want to get involved into whatever the hell Naruto had gotten himself into, and the Hokage, well the Hokage felt like the boy was getting his just desserts.

* * *

And so, Naruto was now in the predicament of having to run away from a screaming woman, who had replaced the snake with a string of beads that he _really_ didn't want to know what their destination was.

He once again ended up in a clearing, this one on the outskirts of the village, but this time, he wasn't alone. It seemed that Might Guy and his team liked to train there, and Naruto just so happened to stumble upon them.

Naruto nearly fainted in relief, but remembered that there still was a demon after his ass, in more ways than one.

"Guy-sensei!" he screamed, wildly waving his arms.

"Naruto-san!" Guy yelled back before he was tackled by the blond, who quickly hid behind the man.

Before he could question the boy about his behaviour, Anko steamrolled out of the surrounded forest.

"Hand over the boy, Guy, and nobody gets hurt," she growled.

Guy took one look at the cowering boy before he making up his mind.

"I AM SORRY, ANKO-SAN, BUT I CANNOT HAND OVER NARUTO-SAN, NOT WHEN HE STILL HAS ALL OF HIS YOUTH LEFT."the man clad in green roared.

"I see..." the snake woman said, slowly drawing out an electric prod, "What a shame..."

" _I shall, however, take his place!"_ Guy continued in a more subdued, but still yelling voice, striking a classic, Might Guy patented Good Guy Pose.

"Are you certain, Guy?" Anko asked, grinning viciously, "The boy has a _lot_ to answer to. Things that needlarge amounts of _discipline_ to correct."

The way the woman said discipline sent shivers down Naruto's spine, activating his 'Bad Touch' senses.

Guy's smile wavered a bit, before nodding his head. He turned to face his team, "THIS IS WHAT TEAMMATES ARE FOR! SACRIFICING YOURSELF SO THAT YOUR FRIEND'S FLAME OF YOUTH NEVER BE EXTINGUISHED!" he roared.

"Guy-SENSEI!" Lee yelled in response.

"LEE-KUN!" Guy yelled back, but before the two could smash together like water balloons, the man sporting the most _magnificent_ of bowlcuts was dragged towards the forest by a grinning Anko.

Soon after, a loud crack could be heard, followed by an even louder "YOSH!"

Naruto didn't want to know what was happening to Guy.

A sound that was frighteningly similar to that of an engine revving could be heard, accompanied by a _very_ loud scream of "YOSH!" that prolonged before faltering to nothingness.

Naruto _really_ didn't want to know what was happening to Guy.

* * *

It was an hour later that Guy limped back into the clearing to meet with his team, Naruto long gone. On his face was a smile filled with pleasure and pain, and with every step, he uttered a small "Yosh."

Anko, it could be said, was one _fucked_ individual.

* * *

After Naruto's escape from the sadist's clutches, he'd have to remember to thank Guy-sensei for that, he for the shinobi market. He needed to stock back up on tools, he had nearly used up all of the Chakra Paper that he used for seals. When Naruto said Chakra Paper, he didn't meant the one that displayed the users elemental affinities, rather, he meant papers that conducted chakra. No shit.

With his newfound fortune, he was able to buy high grade Chakra Paper, which meant higher quality seals, which meant bigger and more effective explosions. So, Naruto was a very happy camper after his little shopping spree that left several shop owners crying in joy, his previous life-threatening castration put out of mind long ago.

* * *

Apart from shopping, he had nothing else to do, Kakashi had forbidden him from training for a few days, something about wanted to let his body rest, though Anko's chase did chew out a good few hours of his day.

Glancing at the seal that held all of his money, he was struck with an idea and a desire, something that he had always wanted to do but never had the money for. People always said he had the Devil's luck, so today, he decided to test it out.

That day was not only know as the day Might Guy's FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH flowed stronger then ever before, but also as the day Naruto was banned from every. Single. Casino. In _Hi no goddamn Kuni_. He had left many casino owners in tears. Who knew it was possible to get 15 royal flushes in a row?

* * *

And so passed the next three days for Naruto. For the most part, he lounged around his home, eating ramen. He also visited Ichiraku's to catch up with the kindly owner and his pretty daughter, whom he regaled with his adventures that weren't embellished in any way what so ever. It was a three day vacation, with no responsibilities, no missions, just relaxation. Naruto, obviously, hated it. He wasn't one to stand still for any amount of time. The inactivity was slowly killing him, in a figurative manner of course. If inactivity killed him, he'd be something more akin to a shark, and if that was true, then why wasn't he running around swinging a large sword with a fucking _mouth_ around like a kid trying to hit a pinata?

* * *

Shark thoughts aside, Naruto was bored, and when Naruto is bored, as it's been said time and time again, things either explode or are covered in copious amounts of _something_ that is best left not described in vivid detail.

Fortunately, this time, Naruto chose to do the former. So, once more, Naruto could be found at his favourite training ground, devising a new way to warrant a restraining order from anything _remotely_ flammable.

"Explosive tags are nice and all... But they take time to activate and can't form a chain reaction," Naruto mused to himself.

Indeed, explosive tags _did_ take a few moments to activate and then blow everything in their vicinity to smithereens, and those few moments could cost a shinobi their life. In addition, when one explosive tag is activated, _all_ of the primed ones are too. That's because the handseal, and chakra pulse, is the same for all tags. It was a bit like trying to catch a single fish in an overpopulated aquarium with a net that's the same size as the aquarium. While your whole family is starving. And your wife is threatening to leave you for Larry. Fucking _Larry._ It was an impossible task.

* * *

So, Naruto embarked on a journey to create a seal that didn't take a handseal to activate. It was deceptively easy task. A few strokes of his brush, and his other brush, and he was ready to go. He had modified the explosive tag to store chakra, which it was always meant to do, in a _very_ unstable fashion rather then the safe and _intelligent_ manner that it was designed to do. Really, all that Naruto did was fuck with the fail safes of the tag. So now, once the tag was imbued with chakra, the _slightest_ of exterior influence could trigger the explosion, this included other explosions. Naruto, essentially created an unstable explosive tag. An _unstable_ tag that he would be carrying in his fucking _pockets_. What a _brilliant_ idea. He had also called it the Instant Death Tag. Naruto wasn't the most creative of people.

* * *

Disappointed at how little time it had taken him to "create" his new seal, which he didn't really "create" he more or less tampered with it in a way no mentally balance person would ever do, Naruto decided to take another little project that would require a bit of research. One that would shake the very foundations of the shinobi world.

* * *

Naruto decided to test his new seal on the Hokage. The foundation-shaking seal that is, not the explosive one. He had no wish to see what it felt like to be ripped limb from limb by an old man nearly 6 times his age. So Naruto knocked on the Hokage's door in a respectful and quiet manner. Actually, what Naruto did was kick down the door with a loud scream of "Ohayo, Hokage-jiji!"

Naruto didn't do quiet or subtle, ninja norms be damned. Naruto believed in barging in a scene guns blazing with explosions that rocked the earth and jutsus thrown left and right like they were going out of style. Most would call him boneheaded, stupid, foolish, rash, which he was, he liked to call himself _badass_.

The Hokage wasn't startled from his paperwork, a pile that he was thankfully almost gone through completely; he had felt Naruto's chakra signature from halfway across the block. It was a bit hard to miss when his chakra signature was essentially a large sign screaming "Here I am, kill me with your worst jutsus!". The Hokage would really need to advise Kakashi to teach the boy some chakra control.

"Hello, Naruto," the Sandaime Hokage chuckled, "What can I do for you today?"

"Jiji, you won't believe what I made!" Naruto yelled, running up to his desk and slamming his newly made explosive tag onto the table before going off into rambling about his newest creation.

The Hokage listened with rapt attention, that quickly turned to apprehension and slight fear as he learnt just what _exactly_ was on his desk that very moment.

"Naruto... The seal on my desk... It isn't _primed,_ is it?" he asked nervously.

"Of course not, Jiji!" Naruto replied exuberantly with a large smile before taking out _another_ seal from his pocket, " _This_ one is!"

A seal that was slightly smoking. 'Fu-' was all the Hokage could think before his world was filled with smoke.

"Hehe, sorry, Jiji," said Naruto rubbing the back of his neck and not looking apologetic in the slightest.

"It's alright, Naruto," the Hokage replied through his coughing, "No harm done..."

Indeed, the tag Naruto used seemed to have only produced smoke and nothing appeared to be out of place.

"Well, I gotta go! See ya, Jiji!" Naruto exclaimed before running off to do Kami knows what to someone.

* * *

The Hokage bid farewell to the retreating form of Naruto before turning his attention back on the stack of paperwork he had nearly finished. A stack of paper work that was now as tall as it had originally been. Sarutobi briefly considered setting fire to the whole lot, _again,_ but the chewing out he had received from his secretary the last time he had done that was definitely _not_ worth it. His heart was filled with despair at the prospect of spending the whole day filing paperwork.

Looking at the large pile of papers on his desk, he slowly opened one of his drawers and took out another sheet of paper. Written on it was "In case of extreme frustration, bang head here" and under the writing was a large target. A present from Naruto, one that he felt he'd be using a _lot_ more frequently in the upcoming month. Daintily and gently placing it on his desk, the Hokage, with all the grace and dignity the befitted someone of his position, slammed his head upon the table. Numerous times.

His secretary, startled by the loud banging noise emitting from the Hokage's office quickly ran into it only to be greeted by this scene. She slowly backed out of the room, not wanting to question her leader's sanity.

What the Hokage never noticed was the seal that was placed at the bottom of the pile of papers, placed there by Naruto when he set his tag off. A seal that was bound to change _everything._

* * *

Now, one may wonder just what Naruto had done to the Hokage's paperwork. The answer, is both simple and infinitely complex. The art of seal making is an intricate art.

To put it in layman terms, a seal is made of multiple components, and each component is made up of various designs. A design could be considered a bit like the letters of the alphabet, and if they are placed in a correct fashion, they create words, or components. And from those words, you can create a sentence, or a seal. As the seals become more and more complicated, they necessitate more and more components, and thus more designs. As one can image, shit becomes pretty convoluted pretty quickly.

As one masters the art of fuinjutsu, they learn to simplify the seals. And what one can accomplish with seals is limitless. You only need imagination and a _lot_ of patience.

* * *

What Naruto's seal did was create a perfect, corporeal copy of the object above it, multiple times. It was a bit like the Shuriken Shadow Clone no Jutsu, that replicated an insane amount of shuriken from a single one. And indeed, that's exactly from where Naruto ripped his idea off. Before the creation of the seal, he had stopped by the village's library and looked up the jutsu in the Shinobi Section, something that he had access to now that he was a genin. He brought it out of the library, which technically he wasn't allowed because it was an A rank technique and also because he was a fucking _genin._ He wasn't even supposed to be in that section of the Shinobi Section. But Naruto being Naruto jacked the scroll nonetheless.

* * *

After many hours of studying the technique, Naruto had been able to decompose the jutsu into its components, for jutsu too were made of components but that's an explanation for another time. And from those components, he was able to transcribe the jutsu into a seal. That's right, Naruto transcribed a fucking _jutsu_ onto a _seal._ Of course, the only reason why he was able to do it with the Shuriken Shadow Clone no Jutsu was because it was a fairly easy technique, needing only a large amount of chakra to create clones who'd henge into shuriken, _which he had in abundance._

Essentially, Naruto created a seal that would work as a jutsu, needing only chakra to be activated. Thank Kami they were one use only.

* * *

It was insane. No one had ever done that before, hell no one thought it was even _possible._ But Naruto had a tendency to say a large hearty "Fuck you!" to impossible. A large part of all that was because Naruto was the only person to think about fuinjutsu like an alphabet enabling him to create seals that had no place existing. Another part is because a lot, if not _all_ of Naruto's seals were either too stupid, reckless or expensive to even bother _thinking_ about creating. Of course, that didn't stop him from making them.

So, Naruto was the first person to transcribe a jutsu onto a seal. Something that changed the ballgame _completely._ Now, anyone with chakra could activate _any_ jutsu, if they had access to the seal obviously. And what did Naruto do with it? He pranked the Hokage. The fucking _Hokage. Fan-fucking-tastic._

Thankfully, other higher ranked jutsu were too complex for Naruto to even fathom creating at his level, and so he put aside his little project for later. Much later.

* * *

Naruto, of course, was _completely_ oblivious to his little ground breaking invention, and instead was off to find a certain muscle bound, spandex clad man for some advice.

He found said muscle bound, spandex clad man on a training ground with his team.

"Ohayo, Guy-sensei!" Naruto yelled.

"NARUTO-SAN!" the man with the bowl cut that made women swoon everywhere and positively _gush_ from the nether regions greeted back, "What is my eternal rival's student doing here?"

"Well... I wanted to thank you for your help back then..." Naruto replied sheepishly.

"NO WORRIES, NARUTO-SAN. I WAS MERELY FULFILLING THE DUTY THAT A TRUE COMRADE OF YOUTH SHOULD HAVE!" Might Guy replied in his ever quiet voice.

"GUY-SENSEI!" screamed a certain clone of the man wearing a spandex suit that left _little_ to the imagination.

"LEE-KUN!"

"Guy-SENSEI!"

And once again, the two collided together like to meteorites in a manner that would be _completely_ unacceptable in an area near small children, funerals, churches or all three at the same time.

"I was also hoping that you could help me with creating my taijutsu style," Naruto interrupted the homo-erotic display with a small bow. When Naruto had visited the blacksmith on his return, he had been struck with the thought that he'd need a _special_ style to accommodate his little project, so he turned to Guy to help.

* * *

Might Guy observed the boy in front of him for a moment before nodding. In a more... subdued but still slightly screaming voice he said, "I can give you advice on how to create your style. However, I won't be able to help you the whole way, nor can I train you..."

"Any help is appreciated!" Naruto exclaimed hurriedly.

"Very well... First, I'll need to see how much you've stocked your flames of YOUTH. AND FOR THAT YOU WILL NEED TO ENGAGE LEE-KUN IN A YOUTHFUL BATTLE!"the taijutsu specialist reverted back to his usual self.

"Alright!"

"YOSH, NARUTO-SAN. I WILL BE YOUR OPPONENT TODAY. LET US LET OUR FOUNTAINS OF YOUTH OVERFLOW WITH YOUTHFULNESS!" Lee-kun roared, "SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT!"

Naruto crouched down into his battle ready stance with a loud cry of " _Wataaaaah!"_ and flailed his limbs wildly.

Lee stared at Naruto, obviously starstruck at the blonds performance.

"YOSH, NARUTO-SAN, YOUR FOUNTAIN IS ALREADY FULL TO THE BRIM, RIGHT Guy-SENSEI!" he yelled.

Guy-sensei, for his part, looked like Naruto had just dug up his dead grandmother's grave, opened the coffin and took a steaming shit on the corpse's chest before dancing the tango on the gravestone.

"Okay..." Guy coughed slightly and shook his head at the horrendous display of taijutsu that Naruto had just shown, "How about we actually start taking this seriously?"

"YOSH!"

"Hell yeah!"

* * *

Naruto and Lee faced each other on the field. Lee started off the spar with his sensei's signature move.

"DYNAMIC ENTRY!" Lee hollered before slamming into the ground like a green meteorite of youthful deadliness.

Naruto barely escaped the technique.

Lee jumped out of the medium sized crater that he had created before yelling to Naruto, "YOSH! NARUTO, YOUR YOUTHFULNESS IS AMAZING. TO HAVE DODGED MY ATTACK LIKE THAT!"

Naruto, seeing the destruction wrought by the technique was both amazed and slightly terrified.

"Holy shit, Lee! You have _got_ to teach me that!" he said.

"Later!" Guy barked, "Resume your spar!"

And so, Lee and Naruto sparred for a good hour and a half, both being powerhouses in their own department. Naruto in terms of stamina, and Lee in strength and speed, which were both pretty fucking terrifying.

All throughout the mock fight, Guy observed the blond haired genin, taking mental notes of his flaws and strengths.

Seeing that both boys were exhausted, he called them towards him.

"GREAT FIGHT, LEE-KUN, NARUTO-SAN!" he yelled before turning serious, "Naruto, you have the strength and the stamina to be a great taijutsu specialist, however, you lack the finesse and the technique required to be one."

Ignore the boy's grumble of "Yea, no shit, that's why I'm here." he continued, "For you style I recommend..." Guy trailed off before scratching his head.

"What exactly is it that you need?" he asked.

Naruto, red faced at having forgotten to tell the man _what_ exactly he needed, went up to him and whispered in his ear.

The jounin's eyes lit up when he heard what the boy had to say.

"I see... Well... For that I would suggest to be unpredictable. Your stamina allows you to not have to worry about outlasting your opponent, use that to your advantage. Strike when you can and study your adversary's style for flaws. For what you have in mind, I would suggest training your biceps and legs, a _lot._ They'll be under an immense amount of stress," Guy instructed Naruto. From out of nowhere, and Naruto wasn't keen on knowing exactly where because that spandex suit was _very_ limited in storage space, Guy produced two scrolls, one green and the other blue.

"The green scroll is a mix of styles that I think you should try and incorporate into your style, and the blue one contains information on how to train your body, particularly the ones I mentioned," Guy informed the boy.

"Thanks, Guy-sensei!" Naruto exclaimed with a deep bow of gratitude, "I'll see you later!"

* * *

Naruto ran off to his apartment, it was late and he wanted to go get some rest. But upon arriving, he noticed a letter had been slipped underneath his door.

Opening it, he saw that it was from Kakashi, saying the he wanted to see Team Seven tomorrow first thing in the morning.

"Wonder what he wants with us," Naruto thought before casting aside those thoughts to rest.

* * *

"Now, I'm sure you're all curious as to why I've assembled you here," Kakashi said.

Seeing the nods from his students, he continued, "Well, you see... Next week, there's an event that's of the utmost importance for all genin."

"And what's that, Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura asked, but she was already beginning to have an inkling of an idea of what her teacher meant.

"Why, the chunin exams, of course!" he exclaimed with an eye smile.

 **And done! Goddamn a lot of you people have read the story so far. Ten thousand of you fuckers have visited it. _TEN_. Thank you all. **

**Anyways, I am _really_ sorry I didn't update sooner, but I was gone for two weeks with no internet and I had to revise all of my chapters... But on the good side, I wrote a shit ton, and so I'll be updating again soon (Read a week)! Anyways, yes, I know that the jutsu on the seal shit is a tad (read very) over powered, but I tried balancing it, and it won't come into play until _much_ later. Well, chunin arc is now a go, and I don't know how the fuck it go to this point, but oh well. I hope my explanations for the seals wasn't too complicated and that you liked the chapter. Leave a review, don't blah blah blah. Until next time, Author, out!**


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